Neal's eyes go wide. A yawning pit opens up in Neal's stomach and he tries not to jump off the couch and bolt for the door.

That aborted l-word was not like. The cadence, the weight of it, no--a different vowel was to follow.

"Do you know what happened to Keller?" His voice is soft. "Did I tell you? He's dead. I got him killed. Before him, Rebecca, and before Rebecca, a woman named Kate. Only one person I've ever loved hasn't died or gotten hurt because of it, and that's because she left."

Which leaves out the nuances of it, but the nuances don't matter right now.