No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

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[tinstar]

Despite what he might have wanted to do, his body was running on automatic, and he felt himself not just matching but pushing up into every thrust, more than eager to feel them together again and again.

As Malcolm sat back, Raylan groaned again, fingers denting into Malcolm's hips. God that was the best sight, watching Malcolm work himself without anything that followed him haunting his face, and maybe it was a bit of ego, but the fact that it was him driving the smaller man to distraction only made Raylan thrust harder.

He wasn't going to last long, and this time, it was Malcolm that got the warning, a rough cursing of his name before Raylan was unloading into him with a pinched face and a bowing body.

[abrightboy]

Better than distraction. Raylan had a net positive effect on him that beat the hell out of all the medication he'd been taking most of his life.

Raylan just managing to grunt his name before he came was some kind of magic. He let his head fall back as he rode it out, his own orgasm following messily onto Raylan's stomach as he stilled with a strangled sound, lingering there a moment until he felt he could get his legs under him again.

Still breathing a little heavily, he untangled himself from Raylan and padded to the bathroom, giving himself a quick wipe before returning with a warm, damp washcloth to gently clean Raylan up before tossing it onto the pants he'd previously discarded on the floor and crawling onto the bed to curl up alongside his lover.

He pressed kisses to Raylan's temple and cheekbone and jaw.

"How long do we have?" he murmured, burying his face in the crook of Raylan's neck.

[tinstar]

Raylan was still breathless by the time that Malcolm curled up beside him, having meet all the little kisses with faint leans of his face into the affection and it was with a deep breath that he shifted to tangle himself back around Malcolm, legs and all. He pressed his face into Malcolm's hair to breathe in the faint prick of sex underneath the shampoo he'd used that morning.

'Hopelessly in love' would be how he'd later internally articulate it.

Humming softly, Raylan looked at his watch. "'Bout an hour if I'm bein' safe."

A long beat passed. "I don't wanna go," he whispered. He had to. He wanted to if only to get what he needed to get done, done and get back to this. "Let's just.." He sighed deeply. "Lay here for 85% of it. Give you somethin' to remember tonight when you wake up." Give him something to hold onto since Raylan couldn't be there himself.

But his tone said it all - stiff upper lip or something like that. There was no use in being childish and lounging in their misery; better to look at the silver linings, what few there were.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm lifted his head and looked at Raylan, again reaching up to lay fingertips along his face.

"I always think about things like this when I wake up by myself," he confessed. "Thinking about the sound of your voice helps me calm down."

[tinstar]

He shifted his head so he could look down at Malcolm at the fingers on his cheek, oblivious to the slight double chin it gave him. "Yeah?" He shifted back. "Good. You can call me if you need too. I might not be completely coherent, but I can give you plenty of fresh voice. And hearin' you will be nice too."

He loved when they talked, anytime they talked. Even if it wasn't about anything important, he could close his eyes and pretend that Malcolm was there with him, bright eyes and complementary hand gestures and all.

[abrightboy]

"I'd like that," he said softly. He shifted to lean over Raylan's chest so he could reach to kiss him gently, then stayed there, looking down at him. "Thank you for being here. I don't know what kind of basketcase I'd be right now if I hadn't called you." A beat. "If I didn't have you to call."

[tinstar]

Raylan hummed a little sound into the kiss, hands shifting with Malcolm for maximum contact, one drifting over his shoulder as the other settled at the midline of his back as he looked up at him just as softly.

"You would have found a way to get through it," Raylan promised quietly. "You're not weak or fragile when it comes to dealing with the shit life's thrown at you." He kept it firmly in the front of his mind that Malcolm had been on meds for twenty something years and survived everything without Raylan so far.. It kept his ego in check.

"But I'm glad I'm here too so you don't have to," he continued, off hand moving from his shoulder to slide around the side of his neck, thumb brushing out along Malcolm's jaw. "Anytime you need me." It was a solemn promise.

[abrightboy]

So few people gave him credit for inner strength, sometimes he defied the image of fragility just to be contrary and sometimes he almost started to believe it.

But he was to the point where, in some fashion, he always needed him.

'Miami Miami Miami' he told himself. It would come. They could survive this until then.

As the hour ticked over, Malcolm reluctantly got up off of Raylan, sliding to the edge of the bed to pick up clothes, handing Raylan's over; he didn't have any others.

When he got to the hastily discarded undershirt, he picked it up and looked at it for a moment before pulling it on himself, then went to his drawer and got out the clean one Raylan had given him and handed it over. Then he pulled out a pair of fresh sweatpants and tugged them on.

[tinstar]

The people that saw it knew what it was. Malcolm was as strong as he was weak, a delightfully contrary soul that he was utterly unable to hide and he was as much a savior as a victim. Raylan could see how he wasn't everyone's cup of tea but that was only better for him, in the end.

He soaked in the hour of contact, the soft touches and little kisses and what little smiles he could get from Malcolm before sighing deeply as Malcolm pulled away. Just as recluctantly, Raylan sat up and slowly started getting dressed, lips quirking a little as he watched Malcolm straight up steal his shirt. It made his heart beat a little faster. He'd always liked seeing his lovers in his clothes, and they, for the most part, liked to steal them.

He didn't mind any he might have to replace.

Once he was put back together, tie loose around his neck as he double checked what little he'd brought with him before looking over at Malcolm.

"I don't think I've ever heard you be silent this long," he said, not having heart enough to even manage to make it sound teasing as he crossed the room to pull Malcolm up into his arms and into a kiss again. He kept it firm but chaste, full of heart and only a fraction of the heat that they both knew could be stirred.

"Remember. Any time you need," he said softly. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm bit his lip and nodded, still clinging to him.

"I'll come down as soon as... I'll let you know what happens with Dr Whitly."

He let out a shaky breath and let go of Raylan.

"Text me when you land?" he asked, looking up at his face, managing to largely keep his own from crumbling.

[tinstar]

He nodded back in return at Malcolm's answer and let him step back without stopping him.

"I will." Raylan stood there dumbly a moment before he turned around and headed towards the door, fingers fishing his keys out of his pocket as he collected and slid on his hat. He paused as he opened the door and looked back at Malcolm before offering him a soft, consoling smile and stepping out.

If he lingered, he wouldn't leave. If he didn't leave, he'd get called back and that would be worse. He'd have to explain why he hadn't come back.

The drive to the airport was the worst part of it all.