"You're assuming he includes himself in that community. I don't think he does, and I don't think he wants to be apart of it either." Because the Barge isn't a community to him, it's a prison, and he never had community there, and he isn't sure he wants to find one now.
Abel turns his head, not looking at Malcolm as he thinks of all the things he could say to that. The list was long, and it was just as complicated as Cain. "He isn't always like that. And when he isn't, and he actually cares, it's...different." He sucks in a breath. These are things he can't even bring himself to say to Cain, and Malcolm is just asking him in the hallway.
"Even before we met, he'd been through a lot, I had no idea why he was like that, just that I hated it, and I never thought I would like him because he was all rough edges, and a total ass. But then you spend time with someone, every single day for a year, and you learn things about them that they don't show anyone else. And I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm good enough, or...that I can speak my mind, be myself? He might still be rough, but...he never made me feel like I should be ashamed of who I am. And he believes in me, to the point that I don't even know what to do with it other than try and see myself the way he does. It's...terrifying actually." Because Abel had been devoted, all in, but he'd never expected to get that back.
He's quiet for a moment, forehead thumping gently against the wall, "And I'm sorry that the only part he lets you see is so angry, but if you knew him like I do, it would be easier to understand."
no subject
Abel turns his head, not looking at Malcolm as he thinks of all the things he could say to that. The list was long, and it was just as complicated as Cain. "He isn't always like that. And when he isn't, and he actually cares, it's...different." He sucks in a breath. These are things he can't even bring himself to say to Cain, and Malcolm is just asking him in the hallway.
"Even before we met, he'd been through a lot, I had no idea why he was like that, just that I hated it, and I never thought I would like him because he was all rough edges, and a total ass. But then you spend time with someone, every single day for a year, and you learn things about them that they don't show anyone else. And I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm good enough, or...that I can speak my mind, be myself? He might still be rough, but...he never made me feel like I should be ashamed of who I am. And he believes in me, to the point that I don't even know what to do with it other than try and see myself the way he does. It's...terrifying actually." Because Abel had been devoted, all in, but he'd never expected to get that back.
He's quiet for a moment, forehead thumping gently against the wall, "And I'm sorry that the only part he lets you see is so angry, but if you knew him like I do, it would be easier to understand."