abrightboy: (looks to you)
Malcolm Bright ([personal profile] abrightboy) wrote2030-05-05 08:18 pm
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conning: (NealC 086)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-05 01:00 pm (UTC)(link)
"I believed you. I believed you really wanted to help me, even though we fought, even though we hurt each other. You didn't punish me for being hurt. You let me have the feelings."

Neal studies his tea with a faint frown. "It wasn't just that I thought I could trust you with the details of a life I never share with anyone if I can avoid it. It's that you convinced me, finally really convinced me, that your goal wasn't to use me. It was to help, because you thought I was worth helping."
conning: (NealC 052)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-05 07:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Neal makes a noise that's equal parts pleasantly surprised and mortified.

"I think that may be overstating."
conning: (NealC 006)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 04:02 am (UTC)(link)
Neal's internal monologue, much like Willa's was when she was included with the Adult Wardens, is currently somewhere along the lines of AAAAAAAAAA.

"Thank you. I... Thank you." He's not sure what to do with all that praise oh god. Neal clears his throat. "I still think it might be overstating a little, but... thanks. Uh. I actually... the other reason I wanted to talk to you, is more around... the why of my graduation. Things I started to accept that I still very much need to practice."
conning: (NealC 032)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 04:29 am (UTC)(link)
"I believed you wanted to help me. I didn't believe... almost anyone else."

His tone is wry and dry. "And I took--take, really--almost any question or comment as some kind of criticism in disguise, waiting for me to figure out whatever verbal trap they're laying before they can spring it."

It's all very healthy really.
conning: (NealC 086)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 01:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Neal breathes out an ironic laugh, looking down at his tea again.

"What I'm saying is I didn't... I didn't approach the other wardens on board with the idea that they were here to help anyone. I didn't have it in me to believe it, I wasn't able to hear any negative word about an inmate's situation without going on the attack because I'd spent so long living in the middle of a bunch of 'wardens' who never let me forget what I used to be in the eyes of the law. To hear what felt like the same thing in a place explicitly meant for redemption... set me off."
conning: (NealC 029)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 03:26 pm (UTC)(link)
"Why do you say that?" It's a sincere question and and a protest at the same time. "Why do you always say I'm a better person than you? I'm not, Malcolm."
conning: (NealC 077)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 03:46 pm (UTC)(link)
"You do remember what I did to you, right? When you found someone who made you happy?"
conning: (NealC 033)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
"...I did want to hurt you, so how is that better? Malcolm." His name is both lightly amused and gently chiding. A pause, and Neal purses his lips briefly. "Tell me what you remember. About what happened."
conning: (NealC 047)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
...Okay, Malcolm remembers more than Neal thought. Still. Neal grimaces a little, testing a sip of tea for heat before he takes a proper drink.

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't wholly your fault, the barrier." He's working on bringing that down, too, since he saw the ring that Will gave Malcolm and heard the reasons for it. Neal's eyebrows knit as he tries to piece it together, tries to find the thread of logic that will let him explain what happened. Why he recoiled so hard for so long.

"I..." He can't. He's not sure. He doesn't know, and it's frustrating. A little bit of that frustration bleeds into his voice, but it's clearly not aimed at Malcolm. "We'd never had a fight like that before. You'd never said anything like that to me before, and I think--I don't know, but I think it was that I couldn't find any new factors other than Will. I was hurt, and jealous, and he was still there. As long as he was there, the potential for you to find reasons to hurt me was there, too. I know that doesn't really make sense. It doesn't."
conning: (NealC 105)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 09:22 pm (UTC)(link)
"I mean, that might be... overstating a little, as well. The always part." He shifts a little on his stool, uncomfortable less because of what Malcolm said than because he can think of instances in which almost everyone but Sara and June did. Peter, El, Mozzie, Jones--not Diana. She hid things from him, certainly, but she never betrayed him.

He looks up, blue eyes worried. "It was impermanent. That feeling. The reason I said it. I was angry, furious, at the things you said, yeah, but... I also was so angry at you for not existing before then, for being so kind until that point, and caring so much when no one else did. For doing all that and then finding Will and turning into someone I couldn't keep."
conning: (NealC 086)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-06 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)
A smile, small and unsteady but real.

"I know. I want to. It just... It's hard for me to care about someone as much as I care about you without weighing how likely it is you'll pick me if it came down to that kind of choice. In my life..." A soft, mirthless noise. "In my life, it always has. And I'm never the one that gets chosen."
conning: (NealC 077)

[personal profile] conning 2023-10-07 12:23 am (UTC)(link)
Neal shrugs a little helplessly. "I don't mean for it to be."

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