I think eventually you'd want more stability than I have in me to provide. Will might be a teensy bit nutters but he's solid. I don't think it's quite in my nature to be anyone's "home."
[And he sounds sad about that, wishes it could be otherwise. Although at least Neal's plan, that Raylan will be his home and Norton will flit about as his usual capricious self and always have a place, has reassured him that he won't lose Neal over it. Neal's found a way to have it all.]
'Everyone' doesn't get to decide what you are. I don't think that's what you are. But I think you're really good at hiding what you are. You fooled me for a while.
[Malcolm observes him for a moment, his head tilted just slightly to one side.]
I think you’re a fundamentally good man who’s been wounded too many times to believe in your own goodness. I think you want connection, like any of us do, but somewhere along the way, you decided it was safer to wall your heart off from your body and truly indulge in the next best thing. And I think nothing scares you more than taking down that wall, because your heart’s been in there for a very long time and things that have peeked through holes in the mortar so far haven’t made you think it isn’t still needed.
[Well. He can't say he didn't ask for it. Although as Malcolm adds details, Norton's shoulders hunch slightly like he's about to either pounce or curl up on himself.]
That's...a lot of thoughts.
If it helps, I don't believe in the goodness of a lot of people, not even a lot of the wardens here. [He laughs but it's a little too high-pitched.]
[Malcolm blinks when Norton speaks, like he’s been snapped out of deep concentration. But at the next remark, he realizes something. Norton can probably see that on his face before he actually says what it is.]
You want to let Neal behind the wall, because he has one too, but he let you in already. And you’re not quite sure how. That’s why you’re trying to make a big gesture of trust. Maybe that’ll do it.
[That gets the laughter and too-bright smile to stop.]
I'm all for risky endeavours. Crack myself open and either the wall will be shattered or I'll be left broken and alone but either way it will be...real.
He hasn't had a chance to accept every part of me because I haven't shared the more unpleasant bits. And he's under no obligation to if it's too much. It's not as if we're under contract.
I hope you're right. But too many people haven't for me to be entirely confident. [Larry. Gideon. People he'd loved--although he'd never said so--and he thought loved him back, pushed him away when they saw the ruthless side of him.]
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[And he sounds sad about that, wishes it could be otherwise. Although at least Neal's plan, that Raylan will be his home and Norton will flit about as his usual capricious self and always have a place, has reassured him that he won't lose Neal over it. Neal's found a way to have it all.]
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[It’s not pointed or judgemental; he’s sincerely asking.]
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[As he says it, he thinks it's maybe not wise to ask a profiler that question, but too late now.]
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I think you’re a fundamentally good man who’s been wounded too many times to believe in your own goodness. I think you want connection, like any of us do, but somewhere along the way, you decided it was safer to wall your heart off from your body and truly indulge in the next best thing. And I think nothing scares you more than taking down that wall, because your heart’s been in there for a very long time and things that have peeked through holes in the mortar so far haven’t made you think it isn’t still needed.
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That's...a lot of thoughts.
If it helps, I don't believe in the goodness of a lot of people, not even a lot of the wardens here. [He laughs but it's a little too high-pitched.]
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You want to let Neal behind the wall, because he has one too, but he let you in already. And you’re not quite sure how. That’s why you’re trying to make a big gesture of trust. Maybe that’ll do it.
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I'm all for risky endeavours. Crack myself open and either the wall will be shattered or I'll be left broken and alone but either way it will be...real.
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But love isn't a magic potion that always makes everything okay.
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