No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[abrightboy]

"They tell you how to make it," he pointed out. "They don't tell you how to give it to a baby."

He looked down at Willa again. "It's almost empty. How can you tell if she's full when she's done?" A beat. "She eats more than I do. She's much smaller than I am. I think I'm seeing what all the fuss is about."

[tinstar]

Raylan grinned. Malcolm was smart enough to figure it out - Nipple meet mouth - he wasn't going to give him shit over it. Figuring the coffee had set enough, Raylan went over and pushed the plunger down as he answered.

"If she's full, she'll leave a half ounce or so in the bottom. If not, she'll empty it and that'll be it until her next meal. She lets us know." Raylan poured out a cup for both of them and padded back over. "It is a little concerning. Before she was on food, she had a bottle like every 4 hours, except for when she was sleepin'. That's a lotta ounces. Then again, she's doin' a lot more growin' than you are."

He smiled. "When she's done, pass her over and you won't even need a youtube video to learn how to burp a baby."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm always figured there were variables: the best position for her to be in, the angle to hold the bottle. But he did tend to overthink things. He didn't want to break Raylan's baby the first time out. He let Malcolm look after her. Hold her. When he wasn't even in the room.

"Growing does consume a lot of energy," Malcolm conceded.

And possibly he was smaller than both his parents because he was already put off food by the time teen growth spurts tried to hit.

"Plus she's very engaged," he noted, watching her eyes move around and take things in, little legs kicking.

[tinstar]

Babies were hard to break, as Winona had explained to him, but he deeply understood the fear that he also shared, after a fashion. He'd gotten over the basic fears, so now it was just generally keeping her alive and uninjured. Malcolm could do that. Probably more, considering all he knew.

"I'm told it's a sign of intelligence, but I think that might be bias. Seems like a healthy thing to do though," he replied with a sip from his cup. "You think if I feed her less I can keep her this size forever?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm laughed, looking over at him fondly. "If that did work, she'd probably get bullied a lot at school," he teased.

Willa finished her bottle, kicking her legs a little harder and fussing slightly. Malcolm looked at Raylan with wide eyes. What now?

[tinstar]

"Defense classes," he answered simply with a nod of his head.

The slightly worried look that Malcolm gave him made Raylan smile. "All you need to burp her is your shoulder and several steady, evenly measured pats. Put a burp rag over your shoulder though," he cautioned, looking around for one and tugging it free of the diaper bag to hand over to him. "To catch any spit up that comes with the burp. You okay with bodily fluids?"

[abrightboy]

"I spend too much time at horrific crime scene to be put off by bodily fluids," he said with a huff of a laugh. He turned so Raylan could put the towel over his shoulder, then carefully shifted the baby to lean her over.

His pats on her back, though, were entirely too gentle. He frowned faintly. "She's not burping."

[tinstar]

"Good, because she produces a lot," he chuckled from his seat. "You're trying to move air up from her stomach, you're gonna have to pat a little harder."

Smirking, he pushed to his feet and slid a hand up Malcolm's back to demonstrate with a short rhythmic pat. "It'll be 50/50 how willin' she is to give it up, so don't be afraid to sit down if you need to."

He'd stay right here too, just to soak in the reality of these two together, with him, alone, in an apartment that they all belonged in.

[abrightboy]

"That hard?" he asked dubiously. But he trusted Raylan's expertise and matched the pressure. She did not crumple under it. After a few moments, she burped. He looked at Raylan triumphantly.

[tinstar]

Raylan took the opportunity to kiss him, hand sliding around his waist the rest of the way for a gentle squeeze.

"Okay, baby whisperer," he said, bending over to set his coffee cup down. "Now that you've done all the work, get yourself some coffee." And all the other things he didn't know if Malcolm had had time for.

[abrightboy]

"She heard your voice when you came in," Malcolm said as he handed her over. "She knew what it was. She definitely wiggled more."

He went to the counter and poured himself a cup.

[tinstar]

"Really?" he looked dubious as he took her, chin folding into itself as he studied the serious dark eyes that met his. "Didn't think that was possible, how inconsistently she sees me."

Grunting theatrically, more for Willa than practicality, he sat down and leaned back, letting Willa push up on her elbows to stare at and reach to explore his face. Within seconds, every little touch of his mouth by her fingers were followed with a short giggle as he playfully caught them in his lips.

"At least she's sleepin' through the night now. We missed a fresh kinda hell, apparently." Though, if he'd been there, Raylan would have taken to it happily.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm was absolutely certain that Raylan was not pleased to have missed the fresh hell.

"Well, we can do something about the inconsistency, but she definitely knows who you are," Malcolm noted, taking a sip of his coffee.

[tinstar]

"Mm, Raylan hummed, bringing up a finger to occupy her little fat fist and wiggle it back and forth. After a short wave of parental worry about a future that was too far away to be worth worrying about right now, he shifted Willa's weight off to the side so he could pull a blanket out of her playpen and lay it on the floor. Once she was set on it, on her back, Raylan collected his cup and wandered back over to Malcolm's side to slide an arm around him.

"We're gonna have to talk about what we want her to call you at some point. Got any ideas?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm just stared at him for a second.

"She's going to call me something," he said, eyes widening a little. Because he was going to be there, in Raylan's life. He looked at her.

"I don't... what's normal in this situation?" he asked, brow creasing slightly. "Does she...just use my name?"

[tinstar]

Raylan smiled crookedly. "Tends to be what happens, yeah," he said with a fraction of tease in his tone. He assumed that Willa was still kind of.. theoretical in all this - a little soul that Malcolm hadn't met before yesterday and wouldn't see again after day for who knew how long.

"What's normal for us at any point," he asked before continuing. "But I don't like the idea of her just calling you Malcolm. Encourages a lack of respect. Is Uncle too weird?"

[abrightboy]

"...No I think that's okay," he said slowly, turning it over in his head. "We had honourary aunts and uncles," he recalled. "...Back when people talked to us." He looked at Raylan. "I think it's nice, if it sounds okay to you."

[tinstar]

"It's better than just 'Malcolm'," he admitted begrudgingly. "Still feels a little.. I dunno. Distant. But maybe that'll settle over time." And they had that.

Willa wriggled on her back, little legs kicking until she managed to roll herself over. Raylan leaned back onto the counter, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Have you already done yoga and your affirmation card?"

[abrightboy]

It felt too distant. He had a hard time suppressing a smile at that. At the fact that Raylan wanted him closer to it. More a part.

He took a sip of coffee, but looked up at Raylan at the question.

"No, not yet," he admitted. "She was awake; I wasn't sure about... not keeping an eye on her."

[tinstar]

He did. The idea of Malcolm being his partner wasn't a hollow one, or at least Raylan was doing everything in his power to make sure it wasn't one. He'd find the right answer sooner or later.

"When she's eating, it's a good idea not to leave her. But she's fed and I'm up now," Raylan said, free hand collecting Malcolm gently against him. "Thank you for letting me sleep. Go take care of yourself. That's important too."

He stole a kiss before smiling at him.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded, smiled, then started to step away, only to pause and step back into Raylan to kiss him one more time before walking to the bedroom to grab his yoga mat and then to the far side of the open area from Raylan and Willa. All he'd really done was take his meds, which was the most important part of his regimen.

But this was important, too, and Raylan could understand that. A lot of people dismissed a lot of his needs as trifles or hobbies. Raylan saw him.

He rolled up his mat and dropped to his knees, then leaned forward into child pose, lingering there for a few moments to even out his breathing and focus, then he started a sun salute. He'd keep it short. Just enough to order his mind.

[tinstar]

The step back in for a second kiss made Raylan smile in return. While Malcolm was off getting his yoga mat, Raylan settled on the floor next to Willa. Leaning against the couch, legs out and crossed in front him, he sipped at his coffee as he watched his daughter and the love of his life move through the motions of their morning.

Raylan didn't know specifically what yoga brought Malcolm beyond the stretching, but his understanding wasn't needed or important. What Malcolm needed and did to keep himself level, that was.

That, and he couldn't argue with the view that it gave him. Malcolm was very well built and yoga seemed to bring attention to every well shaped part of him.

When Raylan finished his coffee, he got up to pad into the kitchen and rinse it out before heading into the bedroom to piss and get dressed. He was only gone a few minutes, but he figured that Malcolm and Willa could manage together for that long. Since breakfast would be imminent, he went ahead and got Willa dressed on the floor as Malcolm finished up.

"I hope that works up some sort of appetite, because my stomach is starting to gnaw on itself."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm laughed lightly, rolling up his mat.

"I could eat." He stepped over, the mat tucked under his arm, and gave Raylan a brief kiss before heading towards the bedroom. "Let me get dressed."

He pulled on black jeans, a charcoal t-shirt and black shoes, making his way out to Raylan and Willa. "Lead the way," he said with a sweeping gesture.

[tinstar]

Dressed in his jeans, a dark burgundy color to offset the dark thin tie he wore, the lines of white decorating the center few inches of it, Raylan and Malcolm complimented each other well. For once, Raylan would be the one wearing a sports jacket while Malcolm was strictly magazine casual.

After loading Willa into her car seat and grabbing his phone, gun, badge, wallet and hat, he grabbed the carseat and led them out, smiling as he watched Malcolm lock the door with his own personal set of keys to their new home. Once in the car, Willa strapped in, Raylan turned the engine over and got them to the restaurant.

As they filed into the restaurant and got a table, Raylan was forced to ask for a highchair and fit Willa inside it before sitting himself with a breath. "Now that, I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to... Shit. I don't know what she can even eat here. Not that she should be hungry, but.." It was the principle of it. Clearly, he'd be happier about it when Willa was grown enough to sit with them in the booth.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm chuckled.

"Realistically, she can probably eat anything I can eat," he joked, opening his menu. "Are you still having french toast? Because I will try a tiny corner."