No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

"Only if it's okay that I fall asleep at some point." Raylan shifted, bringing his hand up to cup Malcolm's face, drawing him into a gentle, chaste kiss. "Wake me up before you go. I don't want to miss saying goodbye and makin' sure you get in that taxi safe."

[abrightboy]

He nodded. "I'll try to sleep, too," he said.

He knew Raylan worried about that.

He kissed him again and then one more time then buried his face in his shoulder for a moment before taking another sip of scotch.

[tinstar]

This felt like the longest they'd gone so far being silent with each other and Raylan let it linger around them, the taste of a fresh sip of scotch on his tongue for a long few minutes. Raylan kept his arm around Malcolm, an easy consistent weight until it wasn't enough again.

Downing the rest of his drink, Raylan broke away to set his glass down. "Come lay down with me. We don't have to sleep yet; I just want to hold you." The offer came with an outstretched hand and a soft sadness in his eyes.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm went with him more than willingly.

"Don't let me fall asleep without restraints," he said, crawling onto the bed with him, curling up against him and nestling his head in Raylan's shoulder after placing soft kisses on his neck there.

[tinstar]

Raylan wrapped his arms around Malcolm, lazily tangling their legs together so they could fit all of them in one space, settling with a deep breath and a kiss into Malcolm's hair. This felt better.

"Don't let me fall asleep without not letting you fall asleep," he joked quietly. He desperately wanted, one night, to go to sleep with Malcolm like this, the way Raylan was used to. But things like that took time, so he'd enjoy being able to now.

"It's gonna be okay darlin'." Maybe that was for both of them.

[abrightboy]

Every time he thought it couldn't be harder to leave, it was harder to leave.

God, it was tempting to forego the restraints and just stay like this. It felt safe. But the overarching fear that he could hurt Raylan in that state still held him back.

He nodded at Raylan's reassurance. It did make him feel calmer. Raylan's voice made him feel calmer. The way he said 'darlin'' made him feel calmer. He lifted his head to look at his face for a moment, then pressed a soft kiss to his mouth and laid his head down again.

[tinstar]

They laid there for a good 45 minutes before Raylan caught himself starting to drift off, coming back to wakefulness with a sharp inhale. If he was serious about not letting Malcolm hurt him, he really did have to follow through with the promise to not let the man go to sleep.

Pulling back a little, Raylan peered at the angles of Malcolm's face in the night's light.

"You still awake down there," he rumbled softly.

[abrightboy]

"Hmm?" he mumbled, stirring. He'd also been drifting off. His eyes snapped open as he realized. "Oh." He turned and fumbled for the far cuff. "Thank you," he said as he slipped it on and worked at buckling it.

[tinstar]

Working out the one nearest to him, Raylan helped him strap in and covered them back up, curling as close as he could and breathing out a deep sigh again.

"I love you," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Malcolm's shoulder. It felt like Malcolm should know before they both passed back out. The four o'clock hour would come far too soon and the now empty day looming ahead of them still gnawed behind the dawn.

[abrightboy]

The restraints jangled as he reached for Raylan in return, grasping his arm where it came across him.

"I love you, too," he whispered. "I'll be back soon."

By the time the alarm went off, Malcolm hadn't even had time for a night terror. The noise jolted him awake, but he was grounded quickly by the comforting weight of Raylan's arm. He rolled just a little, just enough to kiss Raylan's shoulder, before rolling the other way to pick up his phone and turn off the alarm.

[tinstar]

As much as Raylan's body desperately wanted for him to be knocked out for a significantly longer time, Malcolm's alarm and all the shifting that came with it woke him up too, breathing in deeply as Malcolm kisses his shoulder and letting it out in a quiet, passing groan of protest as he rolled over.

No, he was going to stay right here, cracked eyes watching what he could of Malcolm as he moved around.

"You'll text me when you land, right? Let me know you made it in one piece?"

[abrightboy]

"When I land. When I'm waiting for my mother to get ready. When I can't sleep tonight..." he replied with a weak smile before pulling his t-shirt off over his head.

He went to the closet to find a suit to wear and settled on a sedate blue one, throwing it across the foot of the bed as he chose a plain white shirt next, tossing it on top of the suit before padding out to the bathroom to clean himself up.

He returned from the bathroom damp and naked and started getting dressed, looking over at Raylan. "Any interesting cases on the go?" he asked.

[tinstar]

Raylan hummed a note of acknowledgement as he watched the bits of suit get thrown on the bed.  While Malcolm was in shower, Raylan swung his feet outta bed and sat there, running a hand through his hair with a yawn.

He glanced over as Malcolm came back in and again when the question was asked before he shook his head. "Nah. Nothing interesting. Just pushin' Ava more, tryin' to get Boyd.." Trying to get out of Kentucky. "Though he does always seem to have a new way of doin' an old, outused idea, so that might change. I'm sure I'll catch you up over a call if it does."

Pushing up to his feet, Raylan walked over and gently stopped Malcolm so he could cup his face and draw him up into a kiss. "I'm going to start some coffee. Maybe you'll have time to have some."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's face followed him a moment after the kiss broke, his fingers trailing along Raylan's elbow.

"I'd like some," he said, picking up his shirt to tug it on over his shoulders. "Try one of the blends we haven't opened yet."

[tinstar]

He hummed again, nodding as he reluctantly stepped away and made his way into the kitchen. He glanced over at Willa's playpen as he started filling their water kettle. Letting it heat up while he riffled through the cabinets, Raylan got down a couple of the closed bags and glanced between them before setting them both down and opting to decide when the water was hot.

He didn't pay much of any attention to which one it was, when he opened and spooned some into the press, but the bag was sealed and left on the counter. Suddenly, he realized he had no idea how long this was supposed to sit for before getting pressed and could be found frowning at the French press as he tried to remember.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm was tying his tie as he walked out of the bedroom, shoes already on his feet, and he also looked down into the playpen as he passed it before walking to Raylan's side to slid an arm around him and kiss the back of his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked. He looked at the french press. "It smells good." He looked over at the playpen. "She's not going to notice if I don't say goodbye, is she?"

[tinstar]

Raylan glanced over as Malcolm joined him in the kitchen, sliding a hand over Malcolm's arm as it came around him. "How long does this stuff need to sit again?"

He shifted, turning so he could put his arm around Malcolm's shoulders instead. "She'll be okay. Poor thing probably doesn't know where she is, beyond her playpen."

[abrightboy]

"Three to four minutes," he said a little distractedly, still looking over at the playpen.

He was still concerned about whether she would like him or if she would resent him and he felt stupid for that because she wasn't even old enough to remember his face yet.

He looked at Raylan instead. "Are you going to go back to sleep after I go?" He felt a little bad getting him up at the asscrack of dawn. He was supposed to sleep in that morning. Malcolm was going to get him to try some more yoga.

He pressed a kiss to Raylan's cheek, then had to slip out of his grasp to walk around the counter to where his pills were lined up, opening each bottle, sliding a pill out of each, then closing them all in order before popping the four into his mouth and walking back around the counter to get a glass of water.

[tinstar]

Nodding shortly, Raylan looked back over at the playpen and then Malcolm's face, noting the faint lines he could see forming there. Malcolm was thinking about something, and while Raylan could guess, he'd be off the mark, assuming Malcolm was replaying the argument with Winona the day before.

"Nah," he said with a shake of his head, though his smile came back at the press of Malcolm's kiss on his cheek, eyes following him as he moved. "Figure I can get a jump on the day. Willa will probably wake up before too long so goin' back to bed will just be a disappointment. Soon as I get her off to her mama, I'll get a head start on work too."

There was no point in being home if Malcolm wasn't there.

[abrightboy]

He nodded. "You could try some yoga before you go," he said lightly. "Really clears the head. Mats are under the TV."

He pushed his coffee cup towards Raylan before slipping back against his side. "Coffee should be ready."

[tinstar]

"Maybe." He wouldn't. Yoga was something to be done with Malcolm. He felt silly doing it. Hell, he felt silly thinking about doing it by himself. He wouldn't even know where to start.. except the poses that he'd gone through with Malcolm before.

Raylan hummed at the comment and reached out to press the press, slowly and carefully as he watched the grounds separate.

Finally, he decided to share his thoughts. "Can't do it without you anyway, oh sensi. What do you call someone who teaches yoga?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's expression softened.

"Then we'll do it when I come back," he said. "If you get a morning off." He huffed a laugh. "And it's just 'yoga instructor'. It's boring. I like sensei better," he teased.

[tinstar]

"Sounds cooler than 'Yoga instructor'," he replied with a little pull of his face as he gently untangled from Malcolm to pull down two cups and pour them each some coffee. He was more than happy to slide an arm around Malcolm's waist once that was done, happy to lean on a bit of counter and talk softly between themselves so as to not wake up Willa.

"And I'll find a way to take that morning off, believe me," he assured with a smirk. "Even if Art gives me shit for it."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm laughed lightly down at the counter as he picked up his cup with his free hand, the other clutching Raylan perhaps a little more tightly than strictly necessary.

"I'm sure you'll come up with a reason," he said with quiet confidence.

He took a sip of coffee.

"I like this. It's a little richer than the usual."

[tinstar]

"I'd say it's got a bit of a kick," Raylan said after one of his own and a bit of a smile down at Malcolm. "I'll work on decidin' on a favorite while you're up there."

He noticed the tightening around his waist and started stroking with his thumb back and forth on Malcolm's side. He could almost feel the low tension rising in Malcolm, but he wasn't sure he could do much about it.

"Then we can argue about which to have in the mornings."