abrightboy | No One's Born Broken

Malcolm looked up at him with pleasant surprise. "You think so?"

He looked down at Willa and then up at Raylan, smiling self-consciously. "I didn't think I'd ever get the chance," he said plainly. "I mean, I sort of hoped I'd find someone who would want to be with me for more than a few months," he admitted. "But put a baby in my hands? They're so vulnerable and I'm so... " His gaze trailed back down to her. "Messed up."

"I do," he replied with a serious little nod.

"Yeah, but we're all messed up. You're aware enough that you're super careful. You care too much to hurt her on purpose. That's more than most parents can say... She'll be better for it. For you. For me too, hopefully. I don't know. I look at her and see nothing but potential... followed by worrying about what kinda trouble she's gonna to find herself in when she's sixteen. That's normal, right?"

Malcolm's face lit a little as Raylan spoke. Nobody had expressed any faith in his ability to manage. His mother suggested often that he was barely capable of taking care of a parakeet and had recently gone as far as telling him his problems were too extensive and taxing for him to hold someone's love through them.

Raylan thought his child would be better for having Malcolm in her life. That kind of faith might make his heart burst.

At his final observation, Malcolm laughed brightly. "She's not going to get in trouble when she's sixteen. Her father has a gun about his person at almost all times. If a guy braves that..." He shrugged a shoulder. "Either he's an upstanding character or a real idiot. I think we'll be able to figure out which pretty quickly."

He carefully rinsed the shampoo out of her hair.

Edited 2020-08-24 23:26 (UTC)

"Oh, it ain't the boys I'm worried about," he said, lifting his eyebrows at Willa. "If she takes anything after the like of Givens' women that have come before, she'll be a firecracker. My gun and badge'll be big to any boy dumb enough to come around, but daughters..." He smiled.

"Let's just say I've seen what a little girl of 11 can survive and what she can do at all of 15." They weren't to be underestimated.

At least Raylan was fair in that.

"The two of us might not be prepared to handle this. We may need to call for backup," Malcolm said with mock gravity. He lifted her out of the water and held her out towards her father to wrap a towel around her. "When she gets a little bigger."

"Mm," Raylan hummed behind his grin as he shook the towel open and used it to scoop Willa from Malcolm's arms, wrapping her up so he could gently dry her nose with another passing statement. "Gonna keep us runnin', ain't you?"

God help her grammar.

"I'm sure she'll be alright," he assured. "No matter how worked up I might get about it." He nodded towards the bathtub. "We'll wait for you in the living room. I forgot her cream." Specifically, diaper cream.

Raylan grabbed up the diaper and onesie he'd thoughtfully, uselessly brought in and headed back out to the couch where he could lay her down. By the time Malcolm came out, he'd be fitting her into her pajamas.

Malcolm drained the tub and tidied up before joining them, watching Raylan dress the baby for a moment before walking over to sit on the couch on the other side of her.

"I hope we can do this again soon," he told Raylan. "I hope Winona gets over her... issue and lets her come again soon."

"I can already tell she and I are gonna fight it out. But it's better if you're not there for it. But she's not gonna stop me from seein' her. She wants it too badly. Even if she doesn't want me," he said, leaning back with an arm over the back of the couch.

"We'll get to do this again. I promise. I know you've got good reasons, but.. I can handle her. It's not really about you. I know that."

He nodded, but there was a coil of dread deep within him that Winona might force a choice between Willa and Malcolm and Malcolm knew full well that Raylan couldn't choose him in that situation.

Maybe anxiety was just getting the better of him. It had been spiked since he found out he had to leave early the next morning to see his father.

But that thought had been floating unpleasantly since the confrontation with her. It wasn't about him, Raylan was right. It was about control. Specifically her ability to control Raylan.

Malcolm sat up. "Do you want me to..." he poked his finger in the direction of the bedroom, "while you get her to sleep?"

Raylan shook his head. "She's got a good hour at least before that," he said, picking her up to put her onto his chest on the far side so he could make room for Malcolm, lifting an arm in invitation for him.

"C'mere. Tomorrow's still not here; maybe we can watch something before her bedtime. Just sit and be with each other for a bit. Enjoy the time we have. I wanna enjoy it before it's gone."

He crawled over immediately, nestling into that space at his shoulder, reaching over to tickle Willa's chin.

"Is there a baseball game on?" he asked, looking up at Raylan.

"We might. My hands are full, you peruse," he said, with a lift of his chin towards the remote control.

Malcolm did find one, the most recent one, though it was a re-run. Raylan didn't mind. Nor did he mind any questions that Malcolm might have during it, answering easily and softly as Willa started nodding off on his shoulder. After a few more minutes, she was heavy and oh so softly starting to snore, prompting her father to chuckle.

"I think we mighta missed that bottle window," he whispered over to Malcolm.

"She did have a lot of goo for dinner," he pointed out, lifting his head from Raylan's shoulder. "Is it too early to put her down?"

"I don't think we've got a choice in that anymore," he replied. "Turn it down a few notches and I'll lay her down, we'll see how it goes." Judging by the last night that Malcolm saw what it took to ensure Willa was down, he could guess the pattern that was coming. Raylan would just have to squat there and make sure she was settled before creeping back to the bedroom with Malcolm.

He turned down the television , watching Raylan lay her down. He got up and turned on the baby monitor and then got down the bourbon and two glasses. Just to be ready.

She fussed a little when he laid her down but a few minutes of Raylan's deep, soothing reassurances had her quieting down and eventually drifting back off to sleep. Raylan shut off the tv and hit any lights that were still on, on his way to the bedroom. He closed that door behind him as he looked to Malcolm with a smile.

He still didn't want to think about Malcolm leaving, slipping away in the middle of the night, however early in the morning that actually was.

Malcolm had changed into sweatpants and had quietly sipped at a glass of bourbon in the chair in the corner while Raylan got Willa to sleep. He was lost in thought when Raylan walked in, rocking faintly in his seat, but he looked up when the door closed, stilling as he met Raylan's smile with a small one of his own.

That smile did a lot for him.

He abandoned his glass on the table to get up and go over to Raylan, wrapping his arms around his middle to hug him tightly.

The dread of tomorrow could sit ignored in the pit of his stomach for now. He didn't want to think about meeting with his father and what sort of mental games that would involve.

Or going to sleep that night without the warm safety of Raylan's arms.

"She was tired tonight. I guess we wore her out," he noted of Willa, his voice slightly muffled by Raylan's shoulder.

After coming in to rocking, Raylan was happy to see Malcolm heading his way, arm already lifting to embrace him and doing so tightly with a soft hum as he rested his lips on Malcolm's head. He couldn't do much of anything about Malcolm's situation, but he could be the immovable river rock the man clung to between the crazy rapids of his life, however long Malcolm wanted him.

"It was a long day for such a little body," he agreed quietly. "Not so long a day for bodies our size though, hmm." He lifted his head a little, to try and peer down at Malcolm's face. "You okay?"

Malcolm looked up at him, opening his mouth and then closing it again. He shrugged.

"About level, I guess. It's...normal. But..." He unwound one arm from Raylan's ribcage to point at the ground. "I want this to be normal. It's just... not yet, right? Things have to be seen through first."

AKA Malcolm could be better. Raylan's eyes darted back and forth between Malcolm's as he spoke.

"Right," he assured, glancing down a little before looking steadily back up. "And in between, I'm still going to be here. No matter where you have to be or where I have to be. We got a light at the end of this tunnel." Raylan reached up, sliding his hand along to cup Malcolm's jaw. "You remember that when they're layin' into up there. I'm only a phone call away."

And they would lay into him. His mother in well-meaning overbearing undermining of his sense of self and his father in insidious, manipulative attempts to exert control.

He held Raylan's eyes for a long moment, then threw both arms around his neck to press a kiss to his mouth.

When it broke, he looked up into his face again.

"I will call you."

He would need to.

"You better," he said with a faint lift of his eyebrows.

"Do I get one of those glasses or are you keepin' 'em all to yourself tonight?" It would help numb the edges of being alone again tomorrow morning.

Malcolm glanced over at it, well within arm's reach if he let go of Raylan with his near hand.

"Well, yes. It's for you. But it's.... way over there," he pointed out with a tilt of his head.

"Oh noooo," Raylan said sarcastically, kissing him again. "There a statement bein' made here?"

Malcolm laughed self-consciously.

"Just that I don't want to let go," he admitted. He shifted to the side a bit. "You might be able to reach past me to snag it, though."

He tilted his face up just a little.

"And it might cost you, but I think you'll find the toll reasonable."

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if you wanna skip to Willa's bedtime and we move from there, that's okay!

he doesn't really have a sense of her routine yet

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