abrightboy | No One's Born Broken

Malcolm drained the tub and tidied up before joining them, watching Raylan dress the baby for a moment before walking over to sit on the couch on the other side of her.

"I hope we can do this again soon," he told Raylan. "I hope Winona gets over her... issue and lets her come again soon."

"I can already tell she and I are gonna fight it out. But it's better if you're not there for it. But she's not gonna stop me from seein' her. She wants it too badly. Even if she doesn't want me," he said, leaning back with an arm over the back of the couch.

"We'll get to do this again. I promise. I know you've got good reasons, but.. I can handle her. It's not really about you. I know that."

He nodded, but there was a coil of dread deep within him that Winona might force a choice between Willa and Malcolm and Malcolm knew full well that Raylan couldn't choose him in that situation.

Maybe anxiety was just getting the better of him. It had been spiked since he found out he had to leave early the next morning to see his father.

But that thought had been floating unpleasantly since the confrontation with her. It wasn't about him, Raylan was right. It was about control. Specifically her ability to control Raylan.

Malcolm sat up. "Do you want me to..." he poked his finger in the direction of the bedroom, "while you get her to sleep?"

Raylan shook his head. "She's got a good hour at least before that," he said, picking her up to put her onto his chest on the far side so he could make room for Malcolm, lifting an arm in invitation for him.

"C'mere. Tomorrow's still not here; maybe we can watch something before her bedtime. Just sit and be with each other for a bit. Enjoy the time we have. I wanna enjoy it before it's gone."

He crawled over immediately, nestling into that space at his shoulder, reaching over to tickle Willa's chin.

"Is there a baseball game on?" he asked, looking up at Raylan.

"We might. My hands are full, you peruse," he said, with a lift of his chin towards the remote control.

Malcolm did find one, the most recent one, though it was a re-run. Raylan didn't mind. Nor did he mind any questions that Malcolm might have during it, answering easily and softly as Willa started nodding off on his shoulder. After a few more minutes, she was heavy and oh so softly starting to snore, prompting her father to chuckle.

"I think we mighta missed that bottle window," he whispered over to Malcolm.

"She did have a lot of goo for dinner," he pointed out, lifting his head from Raylan's shoulder. "Is it too early to put her down?"

"I don't think we've got a choice in that anymore," he replied. "Turn it down a few notches and I'll lay her down, we'll see how it goes." Judging by the last night that Malcolm saw what it took to ensure Willa was down, he could guess the pattern that was coming. Raylan would just have to squat there and make sure she was settled before creeping back to the bedroom with Malcolm.

He turned down the television , watching Raylan lay her down. He got up and turned on the baby monitor and then got down the bourbon and two glasses. Just to be ready.

She fussed a little when he laid her down but a few minutes of Raylan's deep, soothing reassurances had her quieting down and eventually drifting back off to sleep. Raylan shut off the tv and hit any lights that were still on, on his way to the bedroom. He closed that door behind him as he looked to Malcolm with a smile.

He still didn't want to think about Malcolm leaving, slipping away in the middle of the night, however early in the morning that actually was.

Malcolm had changed into sweatpants and had quietly sipped at a glass of bourbon in the chair in the corner while Raylan got Willa to sleep. He was lost in thought when Raylan walked in, rocking faintly in his seat, but he looked up when the door closed, stilling as he met Raylan's smile with a small one of his own.

That smile did a lot for him.

He abandoned his glass on the table to get up and go over to Raylan, wrapping his arms around his middle to hug him tightly.

The dread of tomorrow could sit ignored in the pit of his stomach for now. He didn't want to think about meeting with his father and what sort of mental games that would involve.

Or going to sleep that night without the warm safety of Raylan's arms.

"She was tired tonight. I guess we wore her out," he noted of Willa, his voice slightly muffled by Raylan's shoulder.

After coming in to rocking, Raylan was happy to see Malcolm heading his way, arm already lifting to embrace him and doing so tightly with a soft hum as he rested his lips on Malcolm's head. He couldn't do much of anything about Malcolm's situation, but he could be the immovable river rock the man clung to between the crazy rapids of his life, however long Malcolm wanted him.

"It was a long day for such a little body," he agreed quietly. "Not so long a day for bodies our size though, hmm." He lifted his head a little, to try and peer down at Malcolm's face. "You okay?"

Malcolm looked up at him, opening his mouth and then closing it again. He shrugged.

"About level, I guess. It's...normal. But..." He unwound one arm from Raylan's ribcage to point at the ground. "I want this to be normal. It's just... not yet, right? Things have to be seen through first."

AKA Malcolm could be better. Raylan's eyes darted back and forth between Malcolm's as he spoke.

"Right," he assured, glancing down a little before looking steadily back up. "And in between, I'm still going to be here. No matter where you have to be or where I have to be. We got a light at the end of this tunnel." Raylan reached up, sliding his hand along to cup Malcolm's jaw. "You remember that when they're layin' into up there. I'm only a phone call away."

And they would lay into him. His mother in well-meaning overbearing undermining of his sense of self and his father in insidious, manipulative attempts to exert control.

He held Raylan's eyes for a long moment, then threw both arms around his neck to press a kiss to his mouth.

When it broke, he looked up into his face again.

"I will call you."

He would need to.

"You better," he said with a faint lift of his eyebrows.

"Do I get one of those glasses or are you keepin' 'em all to yourself tonight?" It would help numb the edges of being alone again tomorrow morning.

Malcolm glanced over at it, well within arm's reach if he let go of Raylan with his near hand.

"Well, yes. It's for you. But it's.... way over there," he pointed out with a tilt of his head.

"Oh noooo," Raylan said sarcastically, kissing him again. "There a statement bein' made here?"

Malcolm laughed self-consciously.

"Just that I don't want to let go," he admitted. He shifted to the side a bit. "You might be able to reach past me to snag it, though."

He tilted his face up just a little.

"And it might cost you, but I think you'll find the toll reasonable."

"Well I like that statement. And that toll," he said, face curling as he leaned forward, kissing Malcolm as his fingers reached for and snagged the waiting already filled glass. he hummed as he pulled back, eyes keeping contact as he took a shallow sip, teeth bearing for a half second as he swallowed.

"I'm not ready to go to bed yet." Bed meant ending the night. He couldn't delay the inevitable, but he could enjoy the now. However they did so.

Malcolm smiled softly.

"I'm an insomniac and my anxiety is high right now. I'm not going to sleep any time soon," he replied.

He reached up and slid his hand up Raylan's neck and back down, his fingers hooking the inside of his collar so his fingers could fidget there.

"Good. Then we can curl up or something on the bed. Unless you wanna start dramatic readings to pass the time," he said, curling a smile at him in no small part due to his fidgeting fingers. His own hand's thumb took to brushing back and forth over the shirt fabric that kept them from roaming too hungrily.

"Oh, if I do a reading, I think you'll find 'dramatic' is the only kind I'm capable of," he teased, letting the arm wrapped around Raylan go to grab his own glass of liquid calm. The other trailed down to find Raylan's hand as he moved towards the bed. Curling up there sounded nice. Warm. Comfortable. Safe.

Once he was curled against Raylan's side, his glass held perched on his own knee, which rested on Raylan's leg, he looked up at him.

"What's once place you've always wanted to go, but never have?" he asked curiously.

"Mm, well I know that'd bring some life to a few studies and novels I've scanned," he teased back as he let himself be led up onto the bed where he propped himself up against the headboard, arm draped around Malcolm's shoulders as they settled.

"I've been talkin' about Costa Rica for about ten years now.. Wouldn't mind to see it. Or the Caribbean. Hopefully without floods of tourists." He looked over at him. "You?"

He wanted to know why but he didn't want to dissuade wherever Malcolm was going with this.

"I think we could avoid floods of tourists by either going somewhere more exclusive or by choosing the right time of year," he mused. He looked up again at the question, then studied his glass on its perch as he answered.

"You know how my mother keeps going on about how I spent my 'tropical vacation' in my room instead of going to the beach? I just.... they made me go. I didn't want to. And nobody exactly volunteered to come with me. I was just... packed off onto a plane like so much freight to be... somehow magically repaired by not being in New York. I wanted to just... stay home for the two weeks. Read my books. Try to... manage my wellness with my yoga mat and my bird and my own space. So getting there and rejecting everything it offered in favour of doing what I could have done in my own apartment in New York was just... kind of making the point, I guess. So I suppose my dream vacation is going on vacation by choice and spending it with someone I'd enjoy spending the time with. I'm not sure there's a particular place I'd favour. It's more... that I would favour a set of circumstances that do not involve being forced into exile because people did not enjoy where my head was at."

He looked up at Raylan.

"Weddings have honeymoons, right? Just. Something to consider..." His eyes flickered back down to his glass.

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if you wanna skip to Willa's bedtime and we move from there, that's okay!

he doesn't really have a sense of her routine yet

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