abrightboy | No One's Born Broken

He turned down the television , watching Raylan lay her down. He got up and turned on the baby monitor and then got down the bourbon and two glasses. Just to be ready.

She fussed a little when he laid her down but a few minutes of Raylan's deep, soothing reassurances had her quieting down and eventually drifting back off to sleep. Raylan shut off the tv and hit any lights that were still on, on his way to the bedroom. He closed that door behind him as he looked to Malcolm with a smile.

He still didn't want to think about Malcolm leaving, slipping away in the middle of the night, however early in the morning that actually was.

Malcolm had changed into sweatpants and had quietly sipped at a glass of bourbon in the chair in the corner while Raylan got Willa to sleep. He was lost in thought when Raylan walked in, rocking faintly in his seat, but he looked up when the door closed, stilling as he met Raylan's smile with a small one of his own.

That smile did a lot for him.

He abandoned his glass on the table to get up and go over to Raylan, wrapping his arms around his middle to hug him tightly.

The dread of tomorrow could sit ignored in the pit of his stomach for now. He didn't want to think about meeting with his father and what sort of mental games that would involve.

Or going to sleep that night without the warm safety of Raylan's arms.

"She was tired tonight. I guess we wore her out," he noted of Willa, his voice slightly muffled by Raylan's shoulder.

After coming in to rocking, Raylan was happy to see Malcolm heading his way, arm already lifting to embrace him and doing so tightly with a soft hum as he rested his lips on Malcolm's head. He couldn't do much of anything about Malcolm's situation, but he could be the immovable river rock the man clung to between the crazy rapids of his life, however long Malcolm wanted him.

"It was a long day for such a little body," he agreed quietly. "Not so long a day for bodies our size though, hmm." He lifted his head a little, to try and peer down at Malcolm's face. "You okay?"

Malcolm looked up at him, opening his mouth and then closing it again. He shrugged.

"About level, I guess. It's...normal. But..." He unwound one arm from Raylan's ribcage to point at the ground. "I want this to be normal. It's just... not yet, right? Things have to be seen through first."

AKA Malcolm could be better. Raylan's eyes darted back and forth between Malcolm's as he spoke.

"Right," he assured, glancing down a little before looking steadily back up. "And in between, I'm still going to be here. No matter where you have to be or where I have to be. We got a light at the end of this tunnel." Raylan reached up, sliding his hand along to cup Malcolm's jaw. "You remember that when they're layin' into up there. I'm only a phone call away."

And they would lay into him. His mother in well-meaning overbearing undermining of his sense of self and his father in insidious, manipulative attempts to exert control.

He held Raylan's eyes for a long moment, then threw both arms around his neck to press a kiss to his mouth.

When it broke, he looked up into his face again.

"I will call you."

He would need to.

"You better," he said with a faint lift of his eyebrows.

"Do I get one of those glasses or are you keepin' 'em all to yourself tonight?" It would help numb the edges of being alone again tomorrow morning.

Malcolm glanced over at it, well within arm's reach if he let go of Raylan with his near hand.

"Well, yes. It's for you. But it's.... way over there," he pointed out with a tilt of his head.

"Oh noooo," Raylan said sarcastically, kissing him again. "There a statement bein' made here?"

Malcolm laughed self-consciously.

"Just that I don't want to let go," he admitted. He shifted to the side a bit. "You might be able to reach past me to snag it, though."

He tilted his face up just a little.

"And it might cost you, but I think you'll find the toll reasonable."

"Well I like that statement. And that toll," he said, face curling as he leaned forward, kissing Malcolm as his fingers reached for and snagged the waiting already filled glass. he hummed as he pulled back, eyes keeping contact as he took a shallow sip, teeth bearing for a half second as he swallowed.

"I'm not ready to go to bed yet." Bed meant ending the night. He couldn't delay the inevitable, but he could enjoy the now. However they did so.

Malcolm smiled softly.

"I'm an insomniac and my anxiety is high right now. I'm not going to sleep any time soon," he replied.

He reached up and slid his hand up Raylan's neck and back down, his fingers hooking the inside of his collar so his fingers could fidget there.

"Good. Then we can curl up or something on the bed. Unless you wanna start dramatic readings to pass the time," he said, curling a smile at him in no small part due to his fidgeting fingers. His own hand's thumb took to brushing back and forth over the shirt fabric that kept them from roaming too hungrily.

"Oh, if I do a reading, I think you'll find 'dramatic' is the only kind I'm capable of," he teased, letting the arm wrapped around Raylan go to grab his own glass of liquid calm. The other trailed down to find Raylan's hand as he moved towards the bed. Curling up there sounded nice. Warm. Comfortable. Safe.

Once he was curled against Raylan's side, his glass held perched on his own knee, which rested on Raylan's leg, he looked up at him.

"What's once place you've always wanted to go, but never have?" he asked curiously.

"Mm, well I know that'd bring some life to a few studies and novels I've scanned," he teased back as he let himself be led up onto the bed where he propped himself up against the headboard, arm draped around Malcolm's shoulders as they settled.

"I've been talkin' about Costa Rica for about ten years now.. Wouldn't mind to see it. Or the Caribbean. Hopefully without floods of tourists." He looked over at him. "You?"

He wanted to know why but he didn't want to dissuade wherever Malcolm was going with this.

"I think we could avoid floods of tourists by either going somewhere more exclusive or by choosing the right time of year," he mused. He looked up again at the question, then studied his glass on its perch as he answered.

"You know how my mother keeps going on about how I spent my 'tropical vacation' in my room instead of going to the beach? I just.... they made me go. I didn't want to. And nobody exactly volunteered to come with me. I was just... packed off onto a plane like so much freight to be... somehow magically repaired by not being in New York. I wanted to just... stay home for the two weeks. Read my books. Try to... manage my wellness with my yoga mat and my bird and my own space. So getting there and rejecting everything it offered in favour of doing what I could have done in my own apartment in New York was just... kind of making the point, I guess. So I suppose my dream vacation is going on vacation by choice and spending it with someone I'd enjoy spending the time with. I'm not sure there's a particular place I'd favour. It's more... that I would favour a set of circumstances that do not involve being forced into exile because people did not enjoy where my head was at."

He looked up at Raylan.

"Weddings have honeymoons, right? Just. Something to consider..." His eyes flickered back down to his glass.

Raylan's smile quirked, eyes squinting slightly, softly. Was that what Malcolm had been thinking about? It made his heart swell, if he were honest. It was almost like Malcolm was as excited to tie the knot as Raylan was. Like he really wanted to get married.

"Maybe, after a little time on a beach of your own free will, you'll be able to form an opinion that isn't so tainted. And we'll take a nice long honeymoon. Maybe go see more than once place so we don't get bored. We can do whatever you want, darlin'. That's the point of bein' grown, right?"

Making your own decisions, on your own merit.

Malcolm shifted a little so he could see Raylan better.

"I saw on TV one time that there are these private islands you can rent in the Caribbean and South Pacific.... everywhere warm, basically. Where you stay in a villa or something on the beach and you can get excursions to the tourist areas but then they bring you back to your island afterwards. So you can do the tourist stuff and then get away from the crowds."

Raylan gave him a flash of a confused look that left his brow pinched.

"We're not renting an island.." Were they? "You hav- You know what, never mind," he said, gesturing a little with his glass as he shook his head. "I don't wanna know. But if you're goin' to those lengths, we might as well get married out there."

Malcolm considered that. "You think?" He considered it some more. "I thought it would be nice to do it at our house in Miami. On the beach. By the pool. Keep it small and intimate."

"That's where I was thinkin' too. Place we can go and look at that isn't just pictures in an album..." Malcolm had to be joking about the island.

"What kind of ring do you want? We haven't even talked about that yet."

Malcolm was not joking even a little bit about the island. But Raylan would find out eventually.

Malcolm's eyebrows shot up. "I haven't even thought about that yet. Is... that something with options?" he asked. When he said he hadn't thought about it, he really meant 'ever, in his whole life'. Were everyone's wedding rings not the same?

Raylan couldn't help but laugh softly.

"You go from talkin' about renting an island, but you don't know about jewelry options?" What a delightful contradiction. "Yes," he continued. "Gold, White gold, Silver, with diamonds, without them. I'd like to go with something simple for myself; I'd hate to have to worry about losin' something out in the field."

Anything with stones worth more than his weekly pay deserved more respect than that.

He laughed at himself. "I saw the island thing on TV!" he protested. "I'm going to have to google this and get back to you." He snuggled back into Raylan's shoulder and took a sip of his drink, stretching his free hand out next to where Raylan's rested, so they were like a side by side comparison. "What if they complement each other somehow, but aren't exactly the same? That's more like us, don't you think?"

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