“When we talked about him becoming a wolf too, it was… something to share. A way to strengthen our bond. So if we’re not the same thing, then it doesn’t accomplish that,” Malcolm explains.
"I didn't offer this as a way to strengthen your romantic relationship, Malcolm." Will was nowhere in his mind when he offered the change. "I'm not a marriage counselor and my culture doesn't exist just to bolster your fun time."
“That isn’t what I’m talking about, either,” Malcolm says evenly, his expression going carefully coolly neutral. Well, as much as that’s possible for him. Something wounded by the accusation might have slipped through on the way. But his demeanour has changed. It’s guarded now.
“And I said it’s sorted out now. We sorted it out on our own. Without you. Because you were gone.”
Why did he think, back in the moment, that Lark would have handled it differently than Iris did? Of course he was kind and soft to him before. He was wooing him. He has him now. He can say stuff… like that.
“Anyway. Welcome back. Let me know what the program is if… there’s a program.” Was he supposed to get any training? Will he still? He doesn’t know. He lingers uncertainly.
Malcolm holds his gaze for a moment, but he can’t hold it and keep it steady. He looks down. He clenches his hand into a fist when he realizes it’s shaking.
“A lot of people here take everything I say in the worst light, no matter what. And now you are. So I’m thinking… what if I made a mistake?” His voice shakes just a little before he’s done.
There’s a pause.
“I was hoping you’d come back,” he adds quietly. “I thought being part of the pack meant I would automatically feel like part of the pack. It’s been better lately, but I struggled, because it didn’t work like I thought. The sense of belonging wasn’t… inherent. I thought it would be.”
"I'm sorry, Malcolm. No, I didn't mean to take it in the worst light, it's...been a concern I've had since Iris was turned. That people are using me for what they think the change is like, because I've put the work into managing the downsides to it." That's not on Malcolm.
"I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to help you. You're my pack. And you're part of my Los Angeles pack, not just this one. The sense of belonging is more inherent with them than it is here where things are...different. If I'd been here I think it might have been easier; I didn't want to leave. It wasn't up to me. But I am back now, and you are part of the pack. Both packs. The first in a long time I've wanted to bring into both worlds."
A flicker of a smile crosses his face. He shifts his weight.
“That’s what I told Maggie, you know. When she asked me. I said I didn’t see the point of joining the pack to not be part of the pack. If she just wanted cool dog powers, she could ask the Admiral for that.”
Lark grins. An honest grin, a surprised one. "Yeah?" It feels good to hear that. To know that something that means everything to Lark was being protected while he was gone. "Thank you."
“That was right? It just felt right. …I think she thinks I’m a bit of a loser for choosing it just to… belong. But I think the belonging is the fundamental core of it.”
He shakes his head with a wry smile. "The Barge pack is a different thing than a real pack. A normal pack. Everyone in LA chose it to belong. It's why I chose it. It's why my maker chose it. Of all the people I've turned here, only you and Zinzi have made it back to LA. Even if you don't stay there, it's something different about you."
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“As opposed to what?”
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“And I said it’s sorted out now. We sorted it out on our own. Without you. Because you were gone.”
Why did he think, back in the moment, that Lark would have handled it differently than Iris did? Of course he was kind and soft to him before. He was wooing him. He has him now. He can say stuff… like that.
“Anyway. Welcome back. Let me know what the program is if… there’s a program.” Was he supposed to get any training? Will he still? He doesn’t know. He lingers uncertainly.
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“A lot of people here take everything I say in the worst light, no matter what. And now you are. So I’m thinking… what if I made a mistake?” His voice shakes just a little before he’s done.
There’s a pause.
“I was hoping you’d come back,” he adds quietly. “I thought being part of the pack meant I would automatically feel like part of the pack. It’s been better lately, but I struggled, because it didn’t work like I thought. The sense of belonging wasn’t… inherent. I thought it would be.”
He looks up from under his brow cautiously.
“Are you going to kill me?”
He’s a failed experiment, right?
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"I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to help you. You're my pack. And you're part of my Los Angeles pack, not just this one. The sense of belonging is more inherent with them than it is here where things are...different. If I'd been here I think it might have been easier; I didn't want to leave. It wasn't up to me. But I am back now, and you are part of the pack. Both packs. The first in a long time I've wanted to bring into both worlds."
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You’re the one he chose, Will had pointed out.
He takes a risk.
“But Will can come too?”
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“That’s what I told Maggie, you know. When she asked me. I said I didn’t see the point of joining the pack to not be part of the pack. If she just wanted cool dog powers, she could ask the Admiral for that.”
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“That was right? It just felt right. …I think she thinks I’m a bit of a loser for choosing it just to… belong. But I think the belonging is the fundamental core of it.”
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