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[abrightboy]

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[empathicfault]

[ Continued from here. ]

Will thinks over Malcolm's question. Of course he doesn't think Malcolm's stupid to make any decision on this, but getting past that and to the heart of the question...

"I do think that maybe you're too scared it won't help. That you can't let anything try, because if it doesn't help and you get...out of hand, then it's too late," Will replies quietly. "I wish I could give you advice there that isn't just to let it happen."

He sighs and looks up towards the ceiling. Because as much as he'd like a partner in this experience- "I don't want you to follow my path. And I'm not going to let you get demoted. But if you don't let the reins loose a little, the unknown fear will always remain that- unknown. And that means the fear doesn't have a limit, as to how large it can get. I know how consuming that can be."

But he also knows that just makes it harder to let go. The worse it got, the tighter Will clung to his control, until it had been forcibly taken away, multiple times. "Maybe you can let yourself enjoy what you know you enjoy. We'll go running more often. But if something pops up and concerns you, just think of...whether you really don't like it, or whether it's a path you've long since turned away from out of fear. And maybe see if you can get comfortable with the idea of your pack helping you with it." And now that he has it all out, he looks slightly uncertain. "Does that make sense?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nods, his eyes large and trusting, but also… longing.

“I want… I want to just…. be part of it. I guess… I mean everyone makes it look so natural that I thought when I changed, it would be part of my nature.” He puts a hand on Will’s chest. Lets himself just feel Will’s heartbeat for a moment. “When I was thinking it over… Neal and Raylan suggested that maybe I wanted it for the wrong reasons. After the moose, Lark disappeared, and I thought… what if he made a mistake? What if they were right and I made a mistake? But then you were going to turn and…. it was exciting. Going down a new path with you that isn’t yours or mine. But I wanted to do it. I wanted to. And I wanted to say something even up to the moment it happened, but I didn’t want to ruin your day by being selfish because I knew how much it meant to you, but all of it… it won’t go away.” He looks up from his hand to Will’s face. “How do I let the reins loose?” he asks earnestly. “How do I… let something happen? I want to feel something… that isn’t this. I’m always a square peg in a round hole and I want to feel something else.”

[abrightboy]

Continued from here.

Absolutely. Lounge, right? I can be there in ten minutes.

[creeksidealtarboy]

I'm already there.

Well, outside the door since I don't have the goddamn key.

[empathicfault]

"Oh...Malcolm..." Will hugs him close, hugs him tightly even. "You have conditioned yourself to not get your hopes up, so you don't believe it when you do fit. I did the same, but you've...you're still trying, so it just means you get disappointed over and over. I gave up and isolated myself, as much as that did." People still found him.

"I didn't know how much turning me meant to you. I'm sorry. We could've talked about it." He kisses the top of his head. "I'm usually good at figuring out those things, but I'm...too close to you now, I think. I miss things sometimes. Our feelings are too in sync," he explains, and that part (at least) is completely unapologetic.

"There's no mistake, though. Not on your or Lark's side. Raylan and Neal, they care about you, but...they don't know how it is. To be so alone that even your thoughts are unique and considered inappropriate...to be considered a monster by people close to you." He leans his forehead against Malcolm's for a moment, closing his eyes. "Having a group that accepts you after that, it's valuable. And maybe it'll take a while to sink in, but you have it now." It wasn't an unattainable dream.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm breathes him in, lets himself actually notice how it’s different now, since he turned. And moreso again since Will turned.

“I could have talked to you. But I was trying to… be a good… wolf. Follow the hierarchy. It’s not my… natural way to be. But I was trying to be part of it by doing it the right way. I could have said something.” He pauses. “I keep battling myself to be ‘good’ and I just feel worse after. And it doesn’t help my case with anyone. I want to try what you said. But. With you watching. Just in case. To stop me.”

He lifts his head to look up at Will. “Sweeney likes me now,” he says grimly. “Because I’m a wolf. And Maggie came to see me. She’s going to have Iris turn her, just like that. She doesn’t even want to be in the pack, she just wants to be a wolf and then go home to her world. I asked why she doesn’t just ask the Admiral for that, if she doesn’t want to be in the pack, but apparently she’s close with Iris and Iris will do it. What even is that?”

[abrightboy]

Getting you a key is something we’re working on.

[He’s already on the move and comes around the corner a moment later.]

Hi! I’m glad you came.

[creeksidealtarboy]

Whatever, man. I had nothing else to do.

[He folds his arms across his chest and glances to the door.]

Let's just go in.

[abrightboy]

Sure.

[Malcolm takes a small leatherbound notebook out of his inside jacket pocket and waves it at the door. It opens and he gestures for Aaron to go ahead.]

Can I get you something to drink?

[creeksidealtarboy]

"I don't know. Whatever you're having."

He is more of a 'drink whatever is available at some random guy's house' guy. There are no discerning tastes.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm brings over two tumblers, each with a couple fingers of whiskey in it, setting one down in front of Aaron.

He sits.

“How have you been feeling this week?”

[creeksidealtarboy]

"Fine."

He clasps his hands together on the table.

"Just doing my job, I guess."

[abrightboy]

"Cleaning the chapel? Or did you take something new?" Malcolm asks.

[creeksidealtarboy]

"Warden wants me in the library," he says with a shrug. "But I like the chapel."

And he likes working for Norton, as much as Norton makes him uncomfortable.

[abrightboy]

"In the library where he can keep an eye on you or in the library where you can learn things?" Malcolm asks.

[creeksidealtarboy]

"I like to read. Guess he wants me somewhere I like being," he explains, picking up the glass and taking a small sip of it.

[abrightboy]

"What a monster," Malcolm teases, taking a sip of his own drink.

[creeksidealtarboy]

"Shut up," he snaps, but there's actually no bite to it.

"I don't want to work there because I just want to be there. I don't want to do shit."

[abrightboy]

"That seems reasonable. Did you tell Jesus you'd rather work in the chapel and hang out in the library?" Malcolm asks.

[creeksidealtarboy]

"Yes," he groans. "It doesn't fucking matter. Work is work. I don't want to do any of it."

[abrightboy]

"Did you work back home?" Malcolm asks.

[creeksidealtarboy]

He nods. "Been working since I was nine years old, doc. That's what you do in Creekside," he answers. "You work, you get married, you have kids so they can work, then you die."

[abrightboy]

"What did you do there?" he asks curiously.

[creeksidealtarboy]

"Little bit of everything. Worked at the shop, worked for the doc," he says softly. Following his dreams, he told himself at one time. Aaron had wanted to be a doctor. He had wanted to learn all about medicine. All about healing.

Boys like him don't get to be doctors, though.

He downs the rest of the whiskey with a cough.

[abrightboy]

"What did you like the best?" Malcolm asks.