Voicemail (IC Contact Post) OLD - at capcha

[abrightboy]

 This is Bright. Leave a message.

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[abrightboy]

Learn that most mental health service providers are good instead of evil.

[cactusy]

-- Right. Yeah, okay.

[She closes her eyes for a moment, sighing softly.]

Would talking about this be less... I don't know, weird and uncomfortable if it was a little more two-way. Like if I said you could ask me questions too, or try to psychoanalyze me or whatever, and I'd do my best to respond openly and honestly.

[abrightboy]

Intriguing offer but I feel like it would just make things worse.

Look, apart from slowing down, because we actually can't, what do you want me to do?

[cactusy]

First: why do you think it'd make things worse?

[abrightboy]

Because you don’t like it and I value your friendship, which I’m hoping lasts beyond this conversation, and because instead of one of us being prickly and defensive, two of us would be.

[cactusy]

I don't like it. But-- I don't know. Maybe if I'm asking you to do this without getting prickly and defensive, I should be willing to put my money where my mouth is.

[abrightboy]

Or you can just let me be prickly and defensive. I have new wolf blood. Maybe I’ll be like that no matter what we talk about.

[cactusy]

I want to be able to work with you, Bright. Not against you.

[abrightboy]

I’m answering your questions. To the best of my ability even. I’m not being facetious when I tell you we can’t slow down. We can’t.

[cactusy]

And I think that's crap. You can learn; you're capable. Professionally speaking, there's no way you don't know about codependency and how damaging it can be in the long-term.

[abrightboy]

[His expression creases. His voice is quieter, not louder when he speaks.]

Personally speaking, I’ll take this because it feels right and in the entire multiverse I only have one chance for that. To be with someone who really understands me and still wants to be there. To be with someone who isn’t afraid of the darkness in me. Have you talked to him about your concerns?

[cactusy]

Yes. And he understands them.

[Eyes still closed, she curls her fingers hard around the railing.]

Offer's still on the table, Bright. Two-way openness and honesty. I'm trying, I'm trying really hard; for god's sake, take it.

[Her teeth clench around the last word, but she can't think of any other way to verbalize how important this is to her, so she forces it out:]

Please.

[abrightboy]

I don’t need reciprocation to help. I want to help you. I want to do right by him. But I don’t understand what you want me to actually do.

[cactusy]

[Welp, clearly that meant exactly nothing to him. She doesn't say anything right away - she just slumps her shoulders as a wave of exhaustion and defeat rolls over her.]

[abrightboy]

…If I don’t ask you questions as payment, do you think I’m not taking this seriously? I’m trying to be nice. You don’t have to spill your guts to get me to help you. I just don’t know what you actually want. …Are you looking for me to acknowledge that my relationship with Will is unhealthy for him so that I’ll end it and he’ll graduate for not making the same mistake with me that he made with Hannibal?

[cactusy]

[Flatly, quietly, and defeatedly:]

I'm trying to let you in enough that you maybe start to understand me a little more, which might help you stop asking questions like that.

[abrightboy]

Why don’t you just say that instead of offering the information up like you’re trading it for something? And then still waiting for me to try and find the right questions in a haystack? Tell me what you think will help. I want to know.

[cactusy]

I'm offering up me, Bright.

[Her fingers curl and uncurl, nails scratching lightly against the metal.]

I'm trying to find some way towards mutual understanding. That's what I want. That's what I think will help.

[abrightboy]

Are you saying you want to come back to therapy?

[cactusy]

No. I don't want you to be my therapist. I want to talk, as friends.

[abrightboy]

…Can we get a coffee or something?

[cactusy]

Okay.

[She doesn't move from her spot at the railing, though, her forehead still pressed to the metal.]

[abrightboy]

[He goes to take a step, then pauses when she doesn’t move to join him.]

……..Do you want me to bring it here?

[cactusy]

Are you okay with that.

[abrightboy]

Yes. If you’re still going to be here when I get back.