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[abrightboy]

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[abrightboy]

The thumb at his back released some of his tension and he let his hand splay on Raylan's chest again instead of gripping the strap of his shirt. When he'd loosened his grip, Malcolm thought he was getting ready to leave.

"You let us see the soft spots," he noted softly. "What does that mean?"

[tinstar]

Raylan smiled softly, eyes moving over Malcolm's face. "It means y'all are workin' hard at gettin' me to trust you with the same things you trust me with. Not a small feat.." A beat passed as Raylan considered saying more. "Any place else and both of you woulda had to work a lot harder to get me to lay down next to you and not be weird about it."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm let out a shaky breath, but it came with a small smile.

“You know....technically, you got me to lay down next to you,” he pointed out coyly. He searched Raylan’s face one more time, then leaned in and kissed him gently, hesitantly, to see if that was something that was still okay with him.

[tinstar]

"I cheated," he muttered before Malcolm kissed him, spending his hand to spread across Malcolm's back some more. He liked how Malcolm felt, the way his skin felt under his hand, a logical contrast of sensations that Raylan was slowly getting entrapped by, he could feel it now. Like needing a drink or some quiet.

He hummed softly when it broke. "Once I knew you wouldn't kick me for tryin' to enjoy something.. simple.. Fundamentally basic.." He watched Malcolm's face, feeling far too much like he was out on a thin branch. "I know you want it too. Connection. Something good in this shithole of a place."

[abrightboy]

"I always want... connection. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone they can't sleep beside. Who sees things sometimes. Who barely holds themselves together when they have medication and a regimented routine to rely on. ....I know you care what happens to me. I... of course I want this. You're a good person who shoulders a lot of crap and only some of it belongs to you. Of course I want you."

[tinstar]

Raylan inhaled, chin lifting a little as he brushed his thumb back a few times on Malcolm's back. They were getting into areas, promises, half promises, admissions that he wasn't ready to. Malcolm wanted him? Malcolm didn't know what he brought into a life, or how many flaws he had or how angry he really was.

"I'm not as great as you think, I promise," he assured, withdrawing a little. Not with as many bodies that he's laid in the ground. Justified or not, the world was a better place for it and Raylan felt no real guilt beyond that of humanity. He'd still taken those lives. No matter the reward. He didn't even feel bad about them. But intrinsically, something in him still pointed out the wrongness of it. And that he couldn't shoulder so gracefully.

[abrightboy]

Oh no, everything in him shouted. He’d gone too far or too fast. He’d said too much and he couldn’t take it back.

What had Vijay told him about why he didn’t have any friends? You’re always so intense.

He directed his gaze at Raylan’s throat. It was easier than looking at his face and whatever awkwardness or discomfort he may or may not have put there.

“Oh.” He swallowed. “...I understand.”

He understood what the pushback meant, however gentle it had been. Something simple and fundamental. Something nice amidst the shithole. Not... anything too complicated by being so personal. Nothing so fast. Maybe nothing so serious.

He dared lift his eyes a little bit to find Raylan’s eyes, finally. “It’s okay,” he said with a small nod for assurance.

[tinstar]

[Note to the eventual reader: Thread detoured over here and Raylan's response will be double posted.]

How? He understood what? Raylan did not understand and the pinch of his brows said as much. Something had played wrong; he wasn't reading something right and he felt the urge to distance himself before more damage was done - to himself or Malcolm. "I-"

Doc coming up the stairs and into the room was a blessing in disguise and Raylan swiveled his half raised head towards the door, body drawing back a few inches. He glanced at Malcolm and shifted up on his elbow, arm draping over his own hip as he listened. Having momentarily forgotten about Neal or Negan or anyone that wasn't sitting on or in the bed currently, it was a sharp reminder of where they were. Where they weren't.

"If they can withstand that, they'll fit in fine." At the suggestion of staying here a few more hours, Raylan nodded, glancing at Malcolm again before pushing the blankets off and turning his legs out to sit up and then stand up. "I gotta piss," he said by way of explanation as he headed around the foot of the bed and towards the bathroom. He needed to just. Not be seen for a few minutes.

"Get comfortable."