Date: 17 Oct 2022 21:47 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 052)
From: [personal profile] conning
"No," he says, a little irritated. "Different emotional motivation."

Which implies there was a distinct emotional motivation behind the whole dying thing but he's going to ignore that.

Date: 17 Oct 2022 21:58 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 086)
From: [personal profile] conning
"Not tapping out permanently," he says, trying to find a more eloquent way of putting it and failing. He's tired. His head hurts. His eyes ache, weirdly, and his fingertips are tingling a little. "Not going out with the intent to stay gone."

Date: 17 Oct 2022 22:04 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 048)
From: [personal profile] conning
He hadn't thought of it like that. He doesn't have an answer for the question, and he's starting to drift too much to think of a deflection.

"Anklet," he murmurs instead. "It's where the anklet was. I don't know the anatomy. I do. But. Visual anatomy, not actual anatomy."

Date: 17 Oct 2022 22:12 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 039)
From: [personal profile] conning
"I was," he murmurs. "Got around it more than once. Cut it before."

A faint wisp of amusement colors his tone. "Drove them crazy when I was undercover and got to take it off."

Date: 17 Oct 2022 23:26 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 098)
From: [personal profile] conning
Neal stays quiet. He doesn't know how to answer, because he's asked himself that question endlessly. Endlessly. Until it made him want to claw the thoughts out of his head through his own ears.

"I'm a criminal," he finally says, closing his eyes and letting them stay closed. The lids are annoyingly heavy.

Date: 18 Oct 2022 01:51 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 051)
From: [personal profile] conning
“It was to get out,” he says, tired beyond words. It’s scaring him, the way he feels loose and limp across Malcolm’s shoulders. The way the spots where Malcolm’s angles dug into him feel more tingly now than painful, like his whole body is falling asleep. This is the way it felt on the floor of Rebecca’s apartment, with Peter desperately ordering him to hold on.

“Sorry,” he says, the word slurred.

Date: 18 Oct 2022 02:40 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 039)
From: [personal profile] conning
It takes a moment for the word to permeate. “What?”

Date: 18 Oct 2022 02:49 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 055)
From: [personal profile] conning
“It was,” he mumbles, irritated again. The emotion is a distant, sticky thing. “Wanted out, wanted…”

Except after a while it wasn’t about getting out. The unit is a family, Peter’s family, Neal’s family—but he’s a criminal. He’s a criminal, and family only goes so far.

“Kitten,” he says suddenly, sparking on something important. “B has the kitten.”

Date: 18 Oct 2022 14:32 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 048)
From: [personal profile] conning
Neal tries to say that isn't what he meant, but he's not sure it comes out. Malcolm's words hurt, and then he goes on, and Neal closes his eyes to try and stave off the crushing mix of fear and resignation.

He doesn't have to fight it long. He starts losing his grip entirely moments later, and reaches out limply with one hand to try and grab on to someone as he dies.

Date: 18 Oct 2022 23:59 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 039)
From: [personal profile] conning
And Neal... wakes up. It's just like any other return to consciousness, except as soon as he's aware, he's also aware he feels terrible. He feels terrible, and this isn't his apartment or Peter's place or, from more recent memory, his cabin.

He groans softly and tries to lift one tired arm to shield his eyes from the lights of the infirmary.

Date: 19 Oct 2022 14:59 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 048)
From: [personal profile] conning
He doesn't say What? which is what he wants to do, both to stall and because it's a little disorienting to have that question posed the moment he opens his eyes. His vision burns and blurs. He tells himself it's from the lights.

"They don't trust me," he manages. "They don't trust me. They never have."

Date: 24 Oct 2022 21:27 (UTC)
conning: (NealC 029)
From: [personal profile] conning
“I don’t know,” he says tiredly. He closes his eyes, wondering if he lets himself die if Malcolm will hold off on bringing him back again. He’s so tired. “Because they’re feds and I’m a con man. Because I’ve lied to them in the past, because I don’t tell them everything, I don’t know.”

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