No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[abrightboy]

"I haven't thought about it," he admitted. "Maybe we should wait until Florida. You're still... laying a little low here, in regards to us. It'd be a bit weird to have my family visit while we're keeping up the pretence of being just friends."

[tinstar]

He focused on cutting another bite, trying to not feel guilty and failing.

"If you think so. Figured everyone's got family so it might not be a big deal. Maybe you're right."

[abrightboy]

"Based on how they reacted when I walked into the office to say 'hi', your friends already think it's weird that I come here," Malcolm told him.

He looked up from his bowl and caught the slow slide of guilt across his features.

"Raylan, I understand why you don't want them to know. It's okay. It's hard to break the conditioning of a lifetime. Not just your own, either."

[tinstar]

"They're not going to be at our house, at any time," Raylan pointed out. He wasn't going to argue the friends part, even if he didn't really consider them his friends as everyone else understood the word.

He shook his head at the concern, neatly packing it back into it's box without another glance at it.

"It's just a situation I've gotta be careful in." More to Malcolm's point, anyway.

[abrightboy]

"Your job follows you home sometimes; they could conceivably be in our house," Malcolm said reasonably.

"I know you have to be careful. I understand why. I'd never push you to jeopardize your job. ...What's wrong?" he asked with genuine concern. It was okay with him. "It's not forever. And even if it were...being with you is worth it. It really is."

[tinstar]

"Maybe."

Again, he wasn't going to argue it.

"Nothings wrong," he assured with a lift of his gaze and a little lift of his edges of his lips. "Let's talk about literally anything else."

[abrightboy]

"Is there anything you want in the apartment that we haven't talked about yet? Furniture-wise or... supply-wise?"

[tinstar]

"Might wanna get a rack of some kind. I liked the way my hat looked on you hooks in New York, and no one is gonna accidentally sit on it. And that shampoo conditioner that you use." He wanted to be able to still smell Malcolm when he went back to New York and that felt like the easiest way.

"Probably a toaster oven too."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm smiled widely, pleased.

"It's coming together," he said. I can see it all up here," he told Raylan, tapping his temple. He paused. "You're not sleeping in jeans, right?" he clarified, taking a bite of soup. Another brief pause. "Oh! Do you like to sleep on the couch when I'm not here or is that just an Arlo's thing? Should I be shopping for a sleepable couch?"

[tinstar]

He smiled and huffed a little sound of a laugh at the first question. "No, it just felt weird to eat naked for some reason. Didn't think about that beforehand." He'd been too wrapped up in the Bubble Mirage that was happiness with Malcolm to worry about logistics like that.

The couch question got a much more honest bubble of a chuckle. "That's just an Arlo's thing. I'd much rather sleep in a bed. Just not there. But if the couch is comfortable, then it's already a sleepable couch. Nothing to stick to or be eaten by. I feel like we should put out a warning to the shops that you're coming."

Raylan drained his champagne glass and poured another, lifting the bottle mouth in question at Malcolm.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm scooted forward in his seat to hold out his glass for a top-up.

"Don't warn them," he said conspiratorially with a smirk. "I want to catch them off guard."

He abandoned his spoon in his bowl, then pulled his chair around the table to sit next to Raylan, holding up his glass.

"To all the good things to come," he proposed.

[tinstar]

Grinning, Raylan filled his glass up and set the bottle away with a glance towards Malcolm as he shifted seats. When he sat back, one arm found a spot over the back of Malcolm's chair.

"And all the days we get to have together," he finished, gently clicking their glasses together and taking a small sip before letting his arm slide onto Malcolm's shoulder and pull him into a gentle sidehug.

"No matter what happens, darlin', I'm glad we're together." Just in case Malcolm was even fractionally worried.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm was always fractionally worried that he would become Too Much, somehow. That abated a bit at a time as Raylan remained resolutely at his side, but some part of him still worried like a background hum that nobody could take his nonsense forever.

He pressed a kiss into Raylan's shoulder, taking a sip from his glass before resting his head there.

"I think I'll just get one bookshelf to start with. When we get to Miami, we can expand it to a whole wall."

[tinstar]

He hummed at the kiss and turned his glass this way and that before looking down at the statement and curling a smile.

"That's probably a good idea. Books are heavy and all." Raylan took a deep breath and let it out. "I don't think it'll really set in that this is real until tomorrow when I'm walkin' in the door."

[abrightboy]

"That's why it has to be perfect when you walk in the door," Malcolm said, taking a sip without lifting his head from where it rested against Raylan's shoulder. "This is the dress rehearsal for Miami and I want it to make you happy. Like a personal paradise to go back to whenever you leave the office, even if I'm not there and it's only a few hours."

[tinstar]

"Malcolm, as long as you're there, I don't care what it looks like. You are a personal paradise, you know that, right?" he asked with a serious look at him. "You already make me impossibly happy, I doubt you can top yourself."

[abrightboy]

His smile spread delightedly as Raylan spoke.

"But it won't stop me from trying," he pointed out with a laugh. He lifted his head, pulling his legs up so he was sitting on his knees on the chair facing Raylan, still holding his glass. "I'm going to get a laptop for the apartment so you can video chat with Willa from there instead of your office," he explained excitedly. "Then you can video with me too."

He couldn't from the Marshals' office for obvious reasons.

"So I can see you when I'm not here."

[tinstar]

That brought a different kind of smile to his face, one that warmed his eyes a little differently than just his standard loving gaze.

"Far be it from me to stop you then," he said, smile breaking slowly into a grin. "You want to video chat?" It was charming, somehow. A bridge he had to cross to see his daughter getting used to keep him close to Malcolm. He didn't know why he didn't think about it.

"Sure you're not gonna get sick of seeing my grainy face?"

[abrightboy]

He set his glass down and scooted closer, sliding one hand up onto his shoulder and ran his fingertips along Raylan's jaw with the other.

"I might be a little sad that I can't touch it, but seeing it is better than not seeing it," Malcolm told him.

[tinstar]

There was no helping Raylan's shifting to face Malcolm and lean forward a little, arm providing leverage on the back of the chair as he looked over Malcolm's features.

"I don't know if I've said it today but I love you." Leaning forward, Raylan kissed him, arm falling again to settle on Malcolm's back and he continued as the kiss broke. "Since you won't be able to touch it, seems only fair and right, in my opinion. For both of us."

He liked Malcolm touching him and the way it grounded him in warmth and security, though he couldn't quite say why he felt secure beyond the raw country ideas that he was going against so openly with such a comforting place to figure it out in.

[abrightboy]

Hearing those words always, always warmed him through and he stayed close when the kiss broke.

"How about if you finish your steak," he suggested, pressing another kiss to his lips, "and then you take me to bed."

[tinstar]

It was intrinsically important to Raylan that he say or hear those words at least once a day or once per conversation if Malcolm wasn't in state. He hummed again into the kiss and smiled at the suggestion.

"I like that idea." He stole one more kiss, a little longer than it strictly needed to be before turning back to his plate, eyes still sidelong on his lover. "Might not even make it through the rest."

He would, but the sentiment was still the same. Raylan wanted to sink and soak in their mutual touches and kisses, little breaths and sighs, whatever that looked like in any given moment.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm curled up on the chair, up against his side again, head on his shoulder again.

"I love you too," he said, fiddling with the stray belt of Raylan's robe, watching Raylan's hands work as he cut the steak. He picked up his glass, taking a sip.

[tinstar]

His smiled pulled as he popped another bite into his mouth, warmth curling up in his chest. He liked all of it; the soft way Malcolm's eyes turned when he said it, the way he was fiddling with the robe belt, the way it felt like Malcolm didn't want to be outside of arms length. A sentiment he wholly agreed with.

The steak was finished in short order and Raylan drained his glass again before looking over with a pull of his lips.

"I hope I get to see you eat more than that tomorrow," he started with a little nod at Malcolm's soup. "We're not allowed to argue before supper anymore."

Pushing his chair back, Raylan stood up and held a hand out to Malcolm. They had a big bed to take advantage of before their privacy was stunted by the most beautiful little girl.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm took the hand gladly, letting it pull him to his feet as he glanced in the direction of the bowl he'd taken maybe three bites from.

Food. He pulled a bit of a face at it. Had it been an argument? He hadn't intended it to be and he still had a lot of concerns about that situation, all revolving around protecting Raylan's heart, but he could set them aside for the moment.

As they walked to the bedroom, Malcolm looked up at him, sidelong. "You said soundproofing is easy to find and you can install it? How does that work? It doesn't have to be inside the wall? You can just... " He searched for a verb but it eluded him. "What do you just 'do'?"

They hadn't really had time to prepare the apartment for even them to live in before Willa's impending arrival, but he was sure the soundproofing concern was for her benefit much more than their neighbours'.