No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

With a press of the button, Raylan was lifting it up to his ear.

"Winona. Everything okay?" There wasn't enough volume for her answers to carry. But as the silence in the room stretched on, Raylan frowned softly.

"Yeah, sure. No, no, I can.. figure it out. Tomorrow?" He looked over at Malcolm. "Can you do the day after? I got a thing tomorrow." Another too long silence passed, more than would ever be needed for a simple answer and Raylan sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Sure. No problem." He hung up and stared at his phone for a minute before looking back up at Malcolm.

"Well. I don't know if you're ready for this but.. Winona is droppin' off Willa for a few days, tomorrow evening. I said I'd watch her."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looked at him. "You're going to have the baby when you come home tomorrow? Do you need me to pick anything up for her? A... playpen or something? Where does she sleep?" he asked, a little excited.

It didn't occur to him that Winona might drop her off at their apartment in the evening; he assumed she'd drop her off with Raylan before he left work.

[tinstar]

"Babies tend to travel with their own playpens. Winona will bring the supplies, though extra wipes probably wouldn't be bad to have. Apparently," he explained, as he reached for Malcolm, hand sliding around his neck as he stepped close again, "-we can never have enough."

Raylan watched Malcolm carefully as he continued. "Are you sure you're okay with this? Meeting her? Dealing with a baby?"

[abrightboy]

"Well," he conceded frankly, "this isn't how I pictured our first night in our own place, but I'm excited to meet her." He smiled, setting a hand on Raylan's chest. "I'm fine with it. Honestly." He kissed Raylan gently. "It'll be fun." Another quick kiss. "I'll order dinner," he said, heading out into the suite to call down.

[tinstar]

He didn't look entirely convinced, face still creased in a soft worry that ebbed slightly with each of Malcolm's earnest, gentle kisses. Malcolm was, inarguably, a patient man but he already had concerns about Willa and Winona, and there was no way to quiet the echo of words in the back of Raylan's head.

Well, nothing to be done about it until it was done, Raylan supposed and, after checking his phone again, he dropped it onto the nearby desk and rubbed his face before walking back out into the suite to Malcolm.

Helping himself to the couch provided, Raylan put his feet up on the little coffee table and looked back at Malcolm as he finished his call. "How long do we have?"

[abrightboy]

"About half an hour," Malcolm said, sliding onto the couch and curling up against Raylan's side so he could rest his cheek against Raylan's shoulder.

After a pause of thought, he asked "Are any of your visitations scheduled or are they all... when she needs a babysitter?" he asked.

[tinstar]

Raylan hummed as he wrapped an arm around Malcolm's shoulder as his weight came in, pressing a brief, fond kiss into his damp hair. They'd be alright, right?

"Hm? Oh. It's kinda hard to schedule around my schedule. Crime doesn't take 'I want to spend time with my daughter' I.O.U's. The solution, so far, is to call me when she can't take it anymore and her sister needs a break. She's not even living in Lexington, ya know. Outside of town by about 2 hours. We're.. trying to avoid court and joint custody hearings, if we can help it."

And Raylan trusted that it was the right thing, blindly overlooking how badly that could fuck him later if Winona got vindictive.

"I imagine that it'll get a little more stable once.. Well, once I'm not living out of a motel room and dealin' with the impossible to predict shitfire that is Harlan. So Miami, maybe."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm lifted his head to look at Raylan's face, but his hand was still splayed on Raylan's stomach, where it had come to rest. They would be all right, no matter what happened. But he had questions and he wanted to see Raylan's face when he answered them.

"Did she convince you that dropping her off with no notice, whether you're free or not, is easier than scheduling visits or did you convince you?" he asked carefully.

[tinstar]

Raylan frowned a little, more a furrow of his brow than anything else but it was clear he'd never really thought about it like that.

"Neither, really, it just.. Keeps me.. honest. Involved in some way. And between Art and Rachel, having to take a day or two for Willa, they take like I've told 'em I've won the lottery." AKA - his bosses also thought he should spend more time with his daughter and not causing trouble, no matter his reasons.

"'Sides, I feel bad that I'm not able to do a fairer share of raising her. I figure I've got at least a little time, she's only seven months, but.. the concern is still there."

[abrightboy]

"Raylan, please don't... take this the wrong way..." The last time he started a sentence like that, he'd followed it with 'do you need money'. This topic wasn't any less uncomfortable. "But... if Art wants you to take time off to be with your daughter and you want to do more of the job of raising her.... doesn't setting up regular, scheduled visitations actually accomplish that better? On both counts?"

[tinstar]

Yeah, the last time he started a sentence like that, they had an argument. His brow stayed furrowed.

"And Boyd? Or his crew? Or the next set of innocent people he blows up? The sooner I get Boyd put away, the sooner I won't have any conflict from stoppin' me doin' just that. I don't want him takin' away more time from my life. Any part of it."

[abrightboy]

"Okay, I get that. But... Okay, she's bringing the baby tomorrow night and leaving her with you for a couple of days. So... the day after tomorrow, you're going to be off. Whether shitkickers are kicking shit or not. Right? So.... what's the difference if you scheduled that a month ago? Either way you're with Willa tomorrow instead of them. Except it has structure and you can be more involved, like you want. I know we're both waiting on the day that we're through our current... situations so we can start living our 'some day', but Willa isn't going to stop growing up in the meantime. So how is this current arrangement beneficial to you or her? Or even Art, who has to deal with your absences with no notice? The only person it does seem to benefit is Winona, I guess." He frowned, realized he was going on a bit and paused. "Feel free to stop me if I'm out of line."

[tinstar]

"Because they might have been in the middle of something and I can't go losing those opportunities," he said, sitting up gently, dislodging Malcolm so he could half turn, one hand propped on the back of the couch as the other laid over his own knee.

"I got the rest of her life, and plenty of open tickets right now on mine. Shit in the country develops pretty rapidly and until I have that hog tied, I cannot take my eye off it. This.. these little blips you and I get aren't even scheduled. Hell, I don't do haircuts, doctors appointments. I don't wanna live my life by a book of dates. That's not how things work out in the field. That's how I end up breakin' promises."

[abrightboy]

"This isn't a haircut. This isn't even us. But you never answered my question. Who convinced you of that? You or her?" Malcolm asked, carefully watching his face. He had to sit up more when Raylan shifted him off, but he didn't move away.

[tinstar]

"There was no convincing, that's just the way it's gotta be right now. She.. isn't happy about it, but she gets it too. I got too much on my plate at work for a schedule right now and once I clear it, that'll change. How is that not what I'm supposed to be runnin' towards?"

He saw it only as a compromise, and one that he largely agreed with because of aforementioned open tickets on his life.

"I don't want them gettin' drawn into my shit. Hell, I'd rather they not even know that I'm a daddy, ever."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm had to go back to the red flag.

"...She's not happy about it? She's getting everything catered to her whims; what's she not happy about?" he asked.

[tinstar]

"Are you purposefully ignorin' the rest of what I said or am I not bein' clear?" he asked, index and thumb coming to meet each other as he gestured softly, emphasizing the high points of his words. "Life ain't as simple as us just goin' back and forth with what we want and how it doesn't fit into the current situation of life. Like it or not other people have a direct effect right now on all I might wanna do."

[abrightboy]

"Oh my god," Malcolm said softly as he watched that play on Raylan's face. "It's not even that you don't want to answer the questions. You just can't. You can't face the implications of it," he said matter-of-factly. There was no judgement implied in his tone. It was just what he saw there. His face pinched slightly. "I'm so sorry. It's...." He got up restlessly and held up his hands in surrender. "It's not my business to tell you how to live or how to parent. I just..." He sighed. "I didn't realize how deep it went. Was it all her?" He waved that off. "...You probably don't actually know," he conceded.

[tinstar]

Pity was not what Raylan was expecting and it showed by the way his face shifted, hand turning out in silent question as he tried to figure out what, exactly, Malcolm was talking about. A look that only settled more as he continued.

Raylan pushed himself to his feet with an, "Okay."

"Look," he started with a sigh, one hand habitually pushing the robe away so it could find his hip, off hand still in full talk/gesture mode. "I don't know what it is that you think you're seein' but there's nothin' there. She'd rather I follow schedule. I can't right now. That's all it is."

[abrightboy]

It wasn't pity that Malcolm was offering, but he hadn't known anything about Raylan's relationship with Winona except what he learned from Raylan. Primarily that he was still in love with her. But this... told him something different and far more unsavoury.

Malcolm considered what he said.

"She wants to follow a schedule? She suggested it? She wants to bring her over every other week or whatever it is and have full joint custody and shared responsibility and you said no?" he clarified.

[tinstar]

"Well not every other week; we didn't get that far down into it, kinda didn't get further once we were arguing, but Winona wanted me less.. occupied by my job in general. It's kinda why she divorced me... And left me.. multiple times. I don't know how much Family Court you've seen but its not no. Just not now."

It had been Just not 'now' for a while though, before Willa was even a thought in their heads.

"Like I said, we got time."

[abrightboy]

"....So she's saying she won't let you have her regularly until you quit a job she wanted you to quit before you even had a child?" he asked.

[tinstar]

Raylan struggled to answer. "When you say it like that.. She's worried about what shows up at my door, showing up and somethin' happenin' to Willa and I know that that means she probably shouldn't be letting me see her tomorrow but something is better than nothing."

Nothing would hurt more than Raylan was willing to look at, honestly.

"I worry too."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm stepped towards him, setting his hands on Raylan's chest, on either side of his lapels and looking up into his eyes.

"Raylan, I'm saying this out of love, okay, not to... pressure you into handling things one way or another. It's your choice. But.... this thing with Willa? It has nothing to do with Willa. This is about the power dynamic between you and Winona and I really strongly advise that you get some legal recourse to your daughter. If you and Winona are on good terms, you don't need courts and lawyers. You can draw up a custody agreement between you, in writing, and get it notarized and if she decides she needs to tighten the leash... that agreement is still enforceable."

[tinstar]

"Lega- Nah, Malcolm, you don't understand, she's not like that."

He was an idiot. Malcolm, you're dating an idiot.

"I know she wants me there and why isn't it right to let a mother dictate her child's whereabouts, considering?" But the argument had less structure, even in tone, than his other ones. There was a nagging worry in the back of his head, specifically around what Winona's mother would do.

Stiff Catholics tended to have an issue with homosexuality.

"What would that even look like?"