No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

He took the answer, still somewhat unsettled in his gut and didn't argue. How could he when Malcolm's eyes went back to that happy light they had before.

"You'll have to let me know. If they can get tea right, I'm sure they can't mess up coffee too bad. Might be able to hit 'em up before work in later days." Raylan bent down and kissed Malcolm again with a little hum. "And when we're not saddled with the cutest little girl in the world, we can go get some together. Sit for a bit, if you want."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm all but melted into the kiss, but then that offer... He understood what the gesture was and his expression grew a little watery and, if possible, more fond.

"I'd like that," he said earnestly.

His expression shifted into a broader smile. "But I don't know if I'd say 'saddled with'. Maybe 'gifted with'," he suggested.

We can shift from here or next tag after?

[tinstar]

Raylan could guess now, what it was that had suddenly bothered Malcolm. It hurt but there wasn't much they could do about it beyond these little concessions of shopping and tea together. Things that had nothing to do with their job, that didn't demand any kind of professionalism. Where they could be out in public without some of the more aggressive concerns that Raylan had.

"Only gift I've ever gotten in my life that vomits on me," he said with a laugh. He let a moment pass with a breath before he continued. "I could use another drink if we're staying up. Wanna join me on the porch for a nightcap?"

[abrightboy]

After a moment's search for his hastily discarded pants, Malcolm joined him eagerly.

They went to bed late, so his night terror happened close to 4:30 in the morning. Once Raylan fell back to sleep, Malcolm lingered there with him, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He heard Willa just starting to fuss by about 5:30, so he slipped out of bed, pulled on a t-shirt and headed out into the livingroom before she made a loud enough noise to wake her father.

He changed her diaper and Raylan had mentioned her taking a bottle in the mornings. When he found the supplies, Youtube helped him complete the task and he had her back in the playpen, sucking on it greedily while he leaned over the railing softly singing 'Baby Beluga' at her, the infant watching him with big eyes.

[tinstar]

It had been nice to just sit with Malcolm, leaned against each other in the evening air and under the stars. Worth every bit of sleep debt that Raylan may have to take for it, all factored into the Malcolm column where the solid sleep he was in was consistently broken by those nightmares.

But sleep had always been something Raylan slipped too easily back into, body trained to get what it could when and where it could, and Malcolm's solid heat against him always helped him sink right back off. Still, the baby monitor was by the bed and Malcolm's soft lullaby was still coming through it. Raylan didn't even have to get up, reaching over to snag the monitor and blearily watch Malcolm mind Willa.

A few seconds later, he was rolling out of bed, putting on his boxers and an undershirt and padding out towards the livingroom. The door was opened carefully; Raylan wanted to see if he could slip out and linger without Malcolm noticing. He didn't want to scare him but something about this was all too sweet to not try to relish.

[abrightboy]

As much as he had Willa's attention, she had his and he didn't notice Raylan slip into the room.

[tinstar]

Raylan let him finish his song, or at least two verses before he softly spoke up. "How many other lullabies do you know?" He was going to have to do some research, lest Malcolm get too big a lead in the singing business.

"You're sweet with her," he continued as he came over to have a seat on the nearby couch.

[abrightboy]

His face lit up when he heard Raylan's voice, looking up happily.

"Is that a lullaby?" he asked with a self-conscious smile. "Raffi played my..." he considered it. "Fifth birthday party. I still remember some of the songs," he admitted. His smile broadened. "Good morning."

[tinstar]

"You're singing it to a baby, I don't know what else the standards are," he admitted with a curl of his smile at the face that greeted him. "Good morning. You want me to make us some coffee while you finish up with her?"

He didn't know how far through that bottle Willa was and it was still to early to be turning on all the lights.

[abrightboy]

He grinned. "That'd be great," he agreed.

He looked at Willa, squirming and hungrily consuming her bottle. Happysquirming more than a moment ago, he was sure. "That's right: Daddy's up," he informed her.

He looked over his shoulder at Raylan. "A lullaby is supposed to put babies to sleep. I wasn't trying to make her sleep; I was... trying to make you sleep. I was trying to make her entertained enough not to wake you up."

An important distinction.

"What time do you have to leave?" he asked.

[tinstar]

With a pull of his smile, Raylan stood up and padded his way into the kitchen to put on some water and get out the grounds.

"You succeeded for a little while, judging by the step you're on." Malcolm was given a smile as he dumped the grounds into the press. "Can't wait to see you burp her, personally," he continued.

Glancing at his watch, Raylan shrugged a shoulder as he ambled back over to watch them while the water heated. "Not for a few hours. Probably outta let the sun get the rest of the way up in the sky. They'll be suspicious if I show up too early. Especially with Willa in my arms. We've got time."

The water beeped, indicating it was done and Raylan went to go pour it into the press. "Enough time to go out to breakfast, if you want." Since he was sure there wasn't enough for french toast here and frankly, Raylan would rather someone else make it.

[abrightboy]

He huffed a self-conscious laugh at the burping remark. "I haven't youtubed that part yet," he admitted.

When Raylan suggested going out to breakfast he looked over again, his eyes a little wider. "All...all three of us? Really?"

[tinstar]

"Yeah, why not," he said with a lift of his shoulder before his grin spread again. "The first breakfasts of many."

His head tilted a little. "You really looked up youtube videos? Ya know, they normally provide directions on the can." It was charming, the effort that Malcolm was taking to do things right.

[abrightboy]

"They tell you how to make it," he pointed out. "They don't tell you how to give it to a baby."

He looked down at Willa again. "It's almost empty. How can you tell if she's full when she's done?" A beat. "She eats more than I do. She's much smaller than I am. I think I'm seeing what all the fuss is about."

[tinstar]

Raylan grinned. Malcolm was smart enough to figure it out - Nipple meet mouth - he wasn't going to give him shit over it. Figuring the coffee had set enough, Raylan went over and pushed the plunger down as he answered.

"If she's full, she'll leave a half ounce or so in the bottom. If not, she'll empty it and that'll be it until her next meal. She lets us know." Raylan poured out a cup for both of them and padded back over. "It is a little concerning. Before she was on food, she had a bottle like every 4 hours, except for when she was sleepin'. That's a lotta ounces. Then again, she's doin' a lot more growin' than you are."

He smiled. "When she's done, pass her over and you won't even need a youtube video to learn how to burp a baby."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm always figured there were variables: the best position for her to be in, the angle to hold the bottle. But he did tend to overthink things. He didn't want to break Raylan's baby the first time out. He let Malcolm look after her. Hold her. When he wasn't even in the room.

"Growing does consume a lot of energy," Malcolm conceded.

And possibly he was smaller than both his parents because he was already put off food by the time teen growth spurts tried to hit.

"Plus she's very engaged," he noted, watching her eyes move around and take things in, little legs kicking.

[tinstar]

Babies were hard to break, as Winona had explained to him, but he deeply understood the fear that he also shared, after a fashion. He'd gotten over the basic fears, so now it was just generally keeping her alive and uninjured. Malcolm could do that. Probably more, considering all he knew.

"I'm told it's a sign of intelligence, but I think that might be bias. Seems like a healthy thing to do though," he replied with a sip from his cup. "You think if I feed her less I can keep her this size forever?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm laughed, looking over at him fondly. "If that did work, she'd probably get bullied a lot at school," he teased.

Willa finished her bottle, kicking her legs a little harder and fussing slightly. Malcolm looked at Raylan with wide eyes. What now?

[tinstar]

"Defense classes," he answered simply with a nod of his head.

The slightly worried look that Malcolm gave him made Raylan smile. "All you need to burp her is your shoulder and several steady, evenly measured pats. Put a burp rag over your shoulder though," he cautioned, looking around for one and tugging it free of the diaper bag to hand over to him. "To catch any spit up that comes with the burp. You okay with bodily fluids?"

[abrightboy]

"I spend too much time at horrific crime scene to be put off by bodily fluids," he said with a huff of a laugh. He turned so Raylan could put the towel over his shoulder, then carefully shifted the baby to lean her over.

His pats on her back, though, were entirely too gentle. He frowned faintly. "She's not burping."

[tinstar]

"Good, because she produces a lot," he chuckled from his seat. "You're trying to move air up from her stomach, you're gonna have to pat a little harder."

Smirking, he pushed to his feet and slid a hand up Malcolm's back to demonstrate with a short rhythmic pat. "It'll be 50/50 how willin' she is to give it up, so don't be afraid to sit down if you need to."

He'd stay right here too, just to soak in the reality of these two together, with him, alone, in an apartment that they all belonged in.

[abrightboy]

"That hard?" he asked dubiously. But he trusted Raylan's expertise and matched the pressure. She did not crumple under it. After a few moments, she burped. He looked at Raylan triumphantly.

[tinstar]

Raylan took the opportunity to kiss him, hand sliding around his waist the rest of the way for a gentle squeeze.

"Okay, baby whisperer," he said, bending over to set his coffee cup down. "Now that you've done all the work, get yourself some coffee." And all the other things he didn't know if Malcolm had had time for.

[abrightboy]

"She heard your voice when you came in," Malcolm said as he handed her over. "She knew what it was. She definitely wiggled more."

He went to the counter and poured himself a cup.

[tinstar]

"Really?" he looked dubious as he took her, chin folding into itself as he studied the serious dark eyes that met his. "Didn't think that was possible, how inconsistently she sees me."

Grunting theatrically, more for Willa than practicality, he sat down and leaned back, letting Willa push up on her elbows to stare at and reach to explore his face. Within seconds, every little touch of his mouth by her fingers were followed with a short giggle as he playfully caught them in his lips.

"At least she's sleepin' through the night now. We missed a fresh kinda hell, apparently." Though, if he'd been there, Raylan would have taken to it happily.