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[abrightboy]

This is Bright. Leave a message.

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[abrightboy]

Malcolm gives a very small head shrug.

"I wish you had too. But if it makes you feel any better, you weren't the only one."

[hippie_ninja]

"It doesn't," he says with a soft huff.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm shrugs, fidgets with his pen, looks at it instead of Jesus.

"It wasn't a good day."

[hippie_ninja]

"No. And I was prioritizing Will," something he won't apologize for. Inmates come first. "But that doesn't mean you weren't a priority, too."

[abrightboy]

"I'm all for prioritizing Will. Did you talk to Will or just Shaw?" Malcolm asks. "Because your talking points were the Shaw Talking Points I heard from everyone she sent by."

[hippie_ninja]

"I talked to Will, too. He's the one who told me what happened." Which he'd said.

[abrightboy]

"Yeah, well... what you said was 'ask Will what he told me' and I spun out all day after that and then when I did get to ask Will, he said you talked about killing people and serial killers he killed and Hannibal and you made him a drink. So... what was your point? Because he did not want to separate," Malcolm tells him firmly, poking his finger on the desk with each emphasized word.

[hippie_ninja]

If Malcolm can't see the reasons for taking a break even now, there's nothing he can say that will make it clear. "Forget it."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's eyebrows go up faintly.

"Why? You still haven't heard me out. Or even asked to. Did you actually wish you had or... not so much? Because 'this is what happened that day' being followed by 'forget it'? Does not make me feel like a secondary priority but a priority nonetheless. Just saying."

[hippie_ninja]

"Because I don't think you'll hear me out. I came to say I'm sorry for how things went and my part in it, but that doesn't mean I trust that you'll hear anything without spinning out again. And I don't want that."

[abrightboy]

"Spinning out? I just matter of factly recapped what happened last time. What are you talking about? Maybe you're the one having a little... emotional episode, my mother would call it, when faced with the fact that I may have been spinning out that day, but I remember what happened with clarity," Malcolm tells him. "You haven't actually said you're sorry and we haven't talked about what happened beyond a few simple facts of, mostly, a completely different conversation. I asked you what you were trying to accomplish when bringing that conversation into our conversation - looking for the opportunity to hear you out, in fact - and you said 'forget it'. I was asking you what point you were trying to make; what the correlation was between them. How can I hear you out if you won't explain? That's what's going on right now, here in this office. And you quit before you tried, to be frank. If that's all the consideration you have for me, then I don't know what you came here for in the first place."

He opens his notebook again, scanning his notes for where he left off.

[hippie_ninja]

Emotional episode? Jesus just stares at him a moment. He feels, frankly, not much in the moment; no emotions are guiding him in any direction right now. "I quit because Neal jumped in and you screamed and threw your phone across the room. I quit because you're convinced you've done nothing at all to complicate things for Shaw despite her telling you that you have. No one can tell you anything, Malcolm, and when they say anything you don't like you dig in deeper or you lose control. It's exhausting."

[abrightboy]

"Neal was the only person who was there for me that day, you know," Malcolm muses quietly. "I don't normally need rescuing, but... he's a real friend. I've never had someone who would stand up for me like he did. I've never had someone in my life who didn't care about social censure if it meant making it clear that they cared what happened to me," he continues in the same soft, almost wistful tone, looking up from his book. "What you just explained? That's why you quit last time," he adds matter of factly. "That's not why you quit this time. I haven't shouted or gotten emotional. Neal isn't here. And you haven't asked me what I think about whether I've complicated things for Shaw or what was true and not true in what she told a bunch of people about me on a day when I made a deliberate effort to stay out of her way and not complicate her business so, quite frankly, you don't have any idea what I think on the subject. That's Shaw's talking point, though. Malcolm thinks he hasn't done anything wrong and Will is perfect. The Shaw Version. You still haven't heard mine or made any effort to. Still. So... tell me about this 'they' that can't tell me anything. Is this the same legion of people whose lives I make difficult that Shaw talks about but can never name? Who are all these people I'm exhausting by existing? I'm dying to know."

[hippie_ninja]

"Sheehan, for one. But I'm not using her talking point I'm telling you what I've observed when we've talked. You dig your heels in--you're doing it now. I never said you think Will is perfect. You're putting words in my mouth. So why don't you tell me all these things you say I'm not asking about? I'm listening."

[abrightboy]

"I'm putting words in Shaw's mouth. That was Shaw's talking point, is what I said. And she's said it to me, so I guess... technically Shaw put those words in Shaw's mouth," Malcolm corrects. "Anyway. What was the thing you were saying about wishing you heard me out? How can I dig my heels in when I haven't told you my account?"

[hippie_ninja]

"Tell me your account," he says, motioning with a hand, go on.

[abrightboy]

"Are you actually interested?" Malcolm asks sincerely. "Or are you looking for more ammunition?"

[hippie_ninja]

"Malcolm, I don't want ammunition. I'm here because I'm sorry I hurt you--I never meant to."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looks at him sharply. That wasn't what he was expecting.

"Nobody listened to me," he starts, quietly. "She called a bunch of people I know and told them I was dangerously unstable and she needed someone to intervene and that... wasn't even true. The night before... Will called me and told me Avalon threatened him again. I don't know if you know what Avalon did to him before. They tortured him. So that night I was over at his place - Shaw was there - for... maybe twenty minutes. She wasn't leaving for the night, so I couldn't stay. I admit I was wound up when I arrived, but I sat with Will for a bit and I was calm when I left. Which, by the way, I left when she said it was time for bed. She said it was time to go and I went. She said she was going to be with him 24/7 and she wouldn't say for how long, but she did say she would bring Will over for a movie the next night. So I texted Will briefly in the very early morning when we both usually get up and just made sure he was okay and then I stayed away. I didn't contact either of them all day. But part way through the day... people started contacting me about it. She was telling people that I was trying to be Will's Warden and I've literally never done that. And nobody asked me before they chided me for it. Nobody. Including you. So, yeah. And because she was clearly going so hard on this, I started to get concerned she would stop me from seeing Will. That she might even cancel the arranged visit that evening. And nobody could give me any information about that. They just kept telling me not to do something I didn't even do."

[hippie_ninja]

"She never said you were unstable or that you were dangerous, Malcolm. She told me she couldn't get through to you, and when you're wound up you are very hard to talk to. Is it possible that she, with her lack of emotions, just couldn't communicate clearly with you when you were experiencing so many emotions at once? Because she felt like she wasn't being heard. That's why she reached out. It wasn't to slander you or attack you, it was because she felt she wasn't being understood."

[abrightboy]

"She didn't even try to talk to me, Jesus. She told me some information the night before. I heard it. Hence leaving them alone all day. The next day she talked to other people instead of me. And I've contacted her about it since. Because I don't think anyone here would like someone to go around talking about how difficult and impossible they are on their worst day on the Barge without even talking to them any more than I did," Malcolm points out.

[hippie_ninja]

"How are things with you and her now?"

[abrightboy]

"We were supposed to have a meeting this morning, but she didn't answer my message." He shrugs. "I'm sure we'll connect at some point. She's letting Will stay with me at night, so ironing things out is more about preempting future misunderstandings. Kiryu has agreed to mediate a more... permanent delineation of expectations."

[hippie_ninja]

"He's a good choice for that." He's glad Shaw has Kiryu as a resource.

[abrightboy]

"I didn't know she'd spoken to him before I did until later. But when it came up, he told me," Malcolm says. He considers Jesus a moment. "She said you reached out to her, though. So who told you I was a problem?"