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[abrightboy]

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Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will continues to flip, stopping on the first picture of Kiryu and his family. It's something Kiryu has deserved for a long time- no matter how Will feels about Trixie (and that's an old and petty grudge that likely no one has noticed).

He remembers Abigail. He remembers the thought of being a father, even if he'd been basically tricked into being a sperm donor. He puts that thought away and goes back to the flowers. They really are beautiful.

The joke gets an amused laugh out of Will. "I could tell you more about him, if you'd like," Will offers. He looks up at Malcolm with a wry smile. "I didn't...want to be that person, who goes on about their toxic ex. But also- I didn't want to worry you. Might be useful if he ever shows up here, though."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“Well. Objectively I know he can’t have been all bad. And I know the thing you worry the most about if he shows up is him killing me. Or trying to. Possibly being relentless about it. That… is not the thing I worry the most about happening if he shows up. And I think you know that. So… I can see how telling me positive things about him has seemed like… not the best idea. But… the things you liked about him? Are basically… things about you. And I’m interested in all the things about you. Even if the information doesn’t make me feel less like being the one to punt him off his next cliff,” Malcolm explains warmly.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will's snort of amusement is slightly more anxious now. But just slightly. "Punt him off as many cliffs as you want. I still don't know if I'd want to kill him or protect him half the time. Or protect him so I can kill him....again."

He finally hands Malcolm his phone back, with a small grateful smile. "He was infuriatingly good at everything, actually. One of those people you hear about in magazines that you just know has something wrong with them that they keep hidden." And Hannibal was just really good at hiding. "He had feelings, interests...but he buried the first and displayed the second. Instead, he based his values on...aesthetics. It was how he thought God would value His world."

Will runs a hand back through his hair, the messy curls unkempt from his moping around without Malcolm around. "The cherry blossom man- he was a Baltimore councilman. His lungs were removed and his chest cavity was filled with poisonous and narcotic flowers. The branches of tree were surgically inserted into the man's torso. It was Hannibal's first kill as the Chesapeake Ripper after I made it clear that I knew what he was. He was starting up the game again."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm likes the unkempt curls. He likes Will being in his space and not feeling the need to make himself presentable. He likes being privy to Will’s most authentic self. It feels like a privilege.

“Is that what you liked about him, though?” Malcolm asks, now completely serious.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will rubs his chin and shakes his head, but he does give Malcolm a small smile. Good catch. "It's somewhat related, but- no, not really. I appreciated how clever he was- of course, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm drawn towards clever people."

His smile widens and then he looks down. It would not help to get too distracted right now. "What struck me about all his murders, all his actions, even our discussions- he is a man free of shame. The closest he got- when he wasn't lying through his teeth- was telling me that his compassion for me was 'inconvenient.' He was...unshackled from the rest of society when he was young, unlike most early monsters. It was that freedom I envied. The freedom I railed against." The freedom he wants to give to Malcolm.

"He eyes all works of art as an outsider, almost like another intelligent species would. He finds joy in all of it, and I...envy the passion he has for it, sometimes. Just like I envy your passion for all the things I ran away from, because it labelled me a creep in my world. You never got cynical about the job, like I did." And yes, part of that was the difference in their past traumas, but it's still something Will finds extremely admirable. "You've been helping me enjoy working through the puzzles again."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“All psychopaths are shameless,” Malcolm notes, though not arrogantly, as though he thinks it’s something Will doesn’t know. “Some of them are charming about it.” First hand experience they both have. “You know… you don’t ever have to… to avoid telling me you want to do something in particular, just because it’s something he would have enjoyed. I’m not saying you have, I just… want you to know. For the future, too.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will smirks a little at Malcolm's note about psychopaths, nodding. His eyebrow goes up at the following statement, though.

He looks at Malcolm, then looks into himself, thinking over the idea. "No...I don't think I have avoided any of that. The moment I told you about my plans post-graduation, that was...the end of me hiding my intentions from you. I still get a thrill every time you're excited about traveling with me, you know."

He taps his chin thoughtfully. "The only thing I will say now, that I don't think I've addressed with you before...I don't think Hannibal is a true psychopath. They don't enjoy things the same way most people do, they feel compulsions to follow. They imitate feelings. Hannibal drenches himself in them, not always touched, but always willing to touch them. He wasn't too scared to give himself over to me, be vulnerable with me. That means...there was something left to be vulnerable with." Will licks his lips. "You can disagree with me, obviously. You've had the...opposite sort of experience, from everything I can tell. But I do think Hannibal's a unique sort of monster."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“I know a lot of people probably told you that you were too close to see things clearly, but… you’re close to me and you see me very clearly. I’m not going to dispute what you personally observed. I did feel like… I mean, without even knowing that, I got the sense there was…. something different. You’ve worked with killers as much as I have. You’re not… blind to what they are. That’s why I thought….” He pauses. “Before, when I asked, that was why I thought maybe you found being with him more exciting than being with me.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

A chuckle escapes Will before he has the chance to rein it in. "Yeah, so exciting I had to end both our lives..." He murmurs, shaking his head.

He clears his throat before continuing. "Yeah, I- I definitely can't blame you for the worry. But...and this is going to sound weird- or possibly crazy, but- in you, I see some of the best parts of him. The parts that clung to me when I was disgusted with the rest." He looks up, staring into Malcolm's eyes. "I know you feel like you have things to learn, mountains of achievement and acceptance to climb, and so maybe you won't understand, but...your love for humanity- and not just the things humanity has created- that's real. It's amazing. And it's exciting. And what we've got planned is exciting. We'll learn so much about ourselves and each other. And, presumably, I won't have to kill us both after any revelations."

He smiles a little, hoping at least some of that got through- ready to explain, however, if it didn't.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm stares back but, as Will explains, he slowly smiles, though it's almost shy.

"I... never thought of it that way. The.... love for humanity thing." He definitely thinks their plans are exciting. He thinks he'll vibrate out of his skin sometimes, thinking about going out there and living like that, with Will. With Will. But Will's right; he does have that and it doesn't sound crazy at all. He looks like he's going to say something that's aborted before it comes out a couple of times before he finally says "I like being the person you see without all the... the layers of other people's expectations and perceptions that have been piled on top of it when I look at me. I like... I like..." He searches for how to explain something he's barely begun to grasp himself. He frowns at himself when nothing comes. "I mean, I know I've had problems and I still have problems and I probably always will but... I feel more whole than I ever have. And I feel like... I exist without context for the first time. ....Does that make sense?" He asks, looking at Will.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

"Complete sense," Will answers, his smile staying in place for once. "We are both people who have lived our full lives with footnotes. We can shake them off into the void together. We already have a head start, here."

Will pulls Malcolm into another bear hug. Sometimes it seems like he just can't help himself. "I'm really happy here. Especially with knowing that you're feeling whole." He hadn't been worried that he was 'dragging Malcolm down with him,' not for a long time. But the confirmation of that is still something to celebrate.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm will never get tired of being hugged. Hugged, cuddled, looked at with warmth and affection. The little kisses. The way Will touches his face. He hugs Will back, holding on tight and yet somehow feeling more relaxed than he ever has.