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abrightboy

This is Bright. Leave a message.

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From:

handleyourshit

Then he should be a little clearer about what he wants.

[She sighs.]

The last memory I have back home was being shot during a battle with another community. We killed a bunch of their people because they were going around to communities, beating children to death in front of everyone and threatening to do the same to anyone who didn't pay what amounted to a protection fee and we weren't interested in waiting until they did it to us.

So when I woke up here, I thought we'd lost and they'd taken me prisoner. I expected to be beaten to death to prove a point or set an example, or raped by anyone that wanted to, or eaten. Possibly all three. There is nothing I wouldn't have done to keep that from happening, or to force them to kill me quick.

From:

abrightboy

I'm sorry. That's horrific. ...Did it seem weird that people were... trying to be nice? Or was that something they did to put people off guard?

From:

handleyourshit

That's how the asshole cannibals that did catch me treated us at first, to keep my group from fighting.

From:

abrightboy

I’m sorry.

From:

handleyourshit

...thanks.

If I was uh.

Friendliness and tolerance has been a death sentence for a while.

From:

abrightboy

I can imagine how it must be jarring, having to... people again.

From:

handleyourshit

It sucks. There's more people on this boat than I saw in one place in the months between Dallas and Alexandria. Almost more than are in Alexandria at all.

If there've been this many... bodies. Around me for most of that time, most of them were the dead.

And your priorities change. How you interact with people changes.

From:

abrightboy

It would have to. It couldn't not.

From:

handleyourshit

That's why I react to you differently than you're probably expecting.

And it's not just you.

From:

abrightboy

Well, I'm kind of weird and off-putting, so it's not just you, either. And I know there are people who think I'm not trying, but... I really am.

I'm sorry for not... picking up on your fundamental existential distress better before.

From:

handleyourshit

I can deal with weird and offputting in the long run.

[God knows that before Eugene showed his true colors, she was one of few who associated with him.]

What I got pissed about more than you not picking up on it was... I was trying to explain it to you. You wanted to apologize, I wanted you to know why I was pissed so the apology could mean something.

And you kept wanting to move past it before I could.

From:

abrightboy

Yeah... that's a social cue thing, too. I'm working on it. Sorry.

From:

handleyourshit

Mm.

From:

abrightboy

I don't like to... advertise my various...... problems, but Will thinks it would actually help people to understand that there are literally things wrong with me. It's counterintuitive; I've been conditioned all my life to hide it all as much as possible. But. What I'm trying to explain is that I didn't mean to dismiss you. That wasn't what I wanted to do. And as much as me saying that tends to make people say 'so just don't, then', it's just... not that simple? But I really.... I'm really trying. To do better. Especially with... conversations.