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Date: 30 Aug 2024 23:24 (UTC)Really? That's great. I don't know how you turn around people who are so awful to you sometimes, but you do. I'm glad he's looking to...work on some of what he's got going on.
[ He takes in a deep breath as he slows his shoulder rub, eventually leaning down to give Malcolm a kiss. ]
You're struggling with social conflicts, but you're making progress. Like I said, the disengaging went well- it was better than I could've managed. Although...I wouldn't mind, once we've finally left this place...we could only talk to each other for a decade. That'd be nice.
...maybe two.
[ He's clearly joking, but...if Malcolm took him up on it, he wouldn't be upset either. ]
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Date: 30 Aug 2024 23:32 (UTC)Gil says I’m an acquired taste, so basically I just persist in existing until they get used to it. [That’s how he turns them around. His smile becomes wistful as Will mentions not talking to anyone else for a decade or two when they leave, then it falters. The social conflicts. He pauses.] Do you think you’ll get a permanent inmate soon? Because Walter hates me and I think he’s going to ask for a new Warden soon. I’m not going to get a deal. [He looks up at Will, his brow creasing.] I’m sorry. I messed up. I messed everything up. I tried to fix it, but I can’t.
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Date: 30 Aug 2024 23:47 (UTC)I think Walter hates everyone right now, except for maybe one or two people. He's maneuvering to paint wardens in as bad of a light as he can. He's going after Shaw now, if you've noticed.
It'd probably be better for everyone if he just had a tantrum or a revolt already. As it is, he's trying to play chess, but nobody's seated across from him. Don't let him wear you down, okay?
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 00:05 (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Aug 2024 00:34 (UTC)Oh, he is lucky he's not my inmate. Or damn near anyone else's on this boat, to be honest.
Listen, Malcolm. I told him when he first came with his board games, pretending that he wasn't there exclusively to try and get me to 'handle' you. I said you were not only dealing with complex trauma, but that you were autistic and also had physical damage to contend with. I went into the unique and varied circumstances we all deal with on the Barge. I'd hoped he would give you a little more leeway, but what did he do?
[ His voice is not rising. Rather, it's flattening. Flattening to a string of condemnations, judgment at the gall of this man. ]
He started tone policing you. He used tactics that resemble a common Twitter troll to try to get you 'canceled' on board. He twists words whenever he gets a hold of them. He's giving you rules- rules you both know you're only remotely following out of the goodness of your heart. He wants to smother you under a blanket of social pressure.
Let him crash and burn against the other wardens if he wants to. His shell might need to crack a little, so he can finally admit to the fear he's carrying in his heart.
[ He finally stops, realizes he's pacing back and forth, and lets out a deliberate breath. When he speaks again, his voice is far gentler again. ]
You haven't failed him. And you certainly don't need to apologize to me about it. We don't need a deal right away. We have all the time in the world now. Okay?
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 00:45 (UTC)But he always questions whether it's him. His issues. His damage.]
...You think... I didn't do it wrong? It's just... something he's doing? [He lowers his voice.] It felt like what my father does but I thought... I mean... sometimes I imagine it.
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 01:03 (UTC)[ He smiles, thinking about it. But he realizes something else and it drops. ]
...oh. You can add love-bombing to the list too, by the way. I suspect he thought you'd be a kowtowing patzi if you did get paired and he's mad you're less controllable than he thought. Now he's trying to freeze you out.
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 01:18 (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Aug 2024 01:40 (UTC)Luckily, he's not. And this isn't what Malcolm needs right now, either. Will squeezes his hand into a fist and takes a deep, slow breath. ]
That's so...uniquely cruel to you, Malcolm. I'm sorry.
[ Another couple of evening breaths and Will finally sounds like he's not going to growl out the rest of the conversation. ]
I believe you didn't notice it with Walter because of how it was implemented. He's focused on hitting your weaker points.
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 01:44 (UTC)On purpose?
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 02:01 (UTC)[ Will opens his mouth, but closes it before he says anything else. He sighs. ]
He is scared on some level, I think. Maybe he thinks that justifies what he's doing.
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Date: 31 Aug 2024 02:38 (UTC)[He looks up at Will, then gets up to face him properly, slipping his arms around his waist.]
Thank you. For... seeing this. I couldn't.... I mean... it didn't feel right but... I couldn't see it. [He gives Will a tender kiss.] You know... you make me feel sane.
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Date: 2 Sep 2024 16:49 (UTC)He hugs Malcolm back, holding onto shoulders with a fierce, possessive grip. It's the kind of grip most people wouldn't care for. He keeps the kiss gentle and tender, only pulling back when Malcolm does. ]
I'm glad. Because you are. And you- you bring me into focus. Not just...a version I want to be. All my seemingly dissonant desires, you make them sing in harmony.
[ He kisses Malcolm again, practically unable to help himself. ]
Sometimes it's tough to see when you're the focus of the storm. Even when that's what you're good at. I know that better than anyone.
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Date: 2 Sep 2024 17:12 (UTC)I think it'll help me formulate how to proceed. It's... perspective that I needed.
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Date: 5 Sep 2024 05:21 (UTC)Besides, he'd thought Malcolm would understand better than anyone that it would be much crueler were the trail of clues to his crimes written in red.]