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From:

inthebiblicalsense

[Abel might touch on the part about covering up a murder later, but he doesn't want to get to side track. This has been leaking into things enough that he wants to try and 'fix' it before it becomes too much of a problem.]

Some...thing. It wasn't Cook, but it looked like him, certainly.

[Abel is quiet a moment, thinking about the gun that was still on his hip. It had helped a few other people the week before, and when he'd shot the thing that looked like Hilbert, it wouldn't die despite how many times he shot it, but Cook? One shot and he'd been down. As if what ever was messing with him could understand that realism would disturb him more than the impossible.]

I shot him in the head, it was quick, but I keep thinking about it.

Edited Date: 1 Sep 2024 00:29 (UTC)

From:

abrightboy

Did... it turn out to be an illusion and it was actually someone here on the Barge? Or was it an illusion and not actually anyone?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

It wasn't an illusion... later, I'd ran into a thing that looked exactly like Hilbert. He'd been shot multiple times in the head and was still moving, trying to get at Jacob. It was- [Incredibly disturbing, but not real enough that he hadn't felt much at all, shooting at it's chest and legs to disable it enough that it couldn't follow them any more.] Some kind of monster that was shaped like him, knew things that would disturb Jacob if it said them.

What ever this vision of Cook was, it was similar, except it reacted the way a person might. It didn't disappear, it didn't get back up, it just...fell forward onto the desk, unmoving.

From:

abrightboy

Do you think he was actually alive?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

I don't think it matters what I think about whether it was alive, or real, because I know it wasn't. Nothing there was real, or at least real in the sense that it was actually Cook. The monster might have been alive, but any of the knowledge it had, the way it fucked with me, reality doesn't work like that, at least not where I'm from, and I can separate those two at least.

From:

abrightboy

Was he a danger to you?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

[Abel finds a very nice spot on the desk to stare at as he shakes his head.]

All he did was talk. When I was down there, I could hear the bridge call me to his office, and I couldn't stop myself after I acknowledged it, but before I could go in, I heard him in my ear, felt it like he was right behind me, and when I turned around Norton came around the corner.

I- I think because he could also hear what Cook was saying when he got close enough, I started to think about what I might do to get him to stop.

From:

abrightboy

What was he saying to you?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

[Abel is quiet a moment before deciding he wants some clarification.]

Do you want specifics, or just...more general?

From:

abrightboy

As specific as you’re comfortable being.

From:

inthebiblicalsense

Alright. [Settling back in his chair, he takes moment to recollect what specifically was said, though it isn't hard to recall at all.]

At first, he was just taunting me. Made a comment on whether or not I'd slept with Norton before I even realized he was coming down the corridor.

And then it got more specific when it was clear we could both hear him. Saying I was worthless because of my relationship with Cain, that I was a slut.

From:

abrightboy

He said that to you in real life, right?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

This was a little different, but yes. Some of it was verbatim what he'd said before, like...the last thing he'd said.

[He hesitates, because he hadn't wanted to admit it, but he can now, at least.]

I didn't want him to finish his sentence. So I opened the door, saw him sitting at his desk, and I shot him.

From:

abrightboy

I heard things from my life too. Times when people tried to shame me.

From:

inthebiblicalsense

I'm sorry to hear that. Regardless of it it works or not, it still tends to hurt.

[Try isn't the word Abel would use when it came to Cook, because he'd succeeded at it, exceptionally well.]

The last time I was in that office, I was being held by two armed infantry men, and when Cook asked them to hold me down so Cain would be forced to watch, he broke free and killed the man at my right with the first shot.

I- [He pulls in a breath, trying to be honest, doesn't want to keep it to himself much longer.] I was afraid it would happen again. I didn't even want to give him a chance, not in front of Norton.

From:

abrightboy

…Was Cain there?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

No, though after I realized that I was standing in the same spot I had been, there was still blood on the floor.

From:

abrightboy

So it was just like you remembered it.

From:

inthebiblicalsense

Yes, but last time I shot Cook, I purposefully didn't shoot to kill.

Edited Date: 1 Sep 2024 22:33 (UTC)

From:

abrightboy

And this time you did. His hold on you is broken.

From:

inthebiblicalsense

[That's what Norton expected him to get out of the situation too.]

I acted without thinking and lost control, I...can't deny that it felt good to do it, but his hold isn't anywhere near broken if just by talking to me, I can't help but commit a serious crime. I have to see him when I get home, and I doubt that his testimony is going to be easy to sit through.

From:

abrightboy

But as a cathartic exercise...?

From:

inthebiblicalsense

[Abel closes his eyes as if not looking at Malcolm will make it any easier to say.]

If I was by myself It wouldn't have just been the one shot. And I think I would have felt better about it, as stupid as that sounds.

From:

abrightboy

It's not weird or bad to have violent fantasies about silencing your abuser.

From:

inthebiblicalsense

Over half my day I spend in my head, and if it was just in my head, then I think this would be fine.

But it wasn't. There is a difference between imagining yourself pulling the trigger, and actually doing it.