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[abrightboy]

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[therebedragons]

There's a small hesitation, a half nod, and a little chewing on his liver but he'll cross the threshold and shut the door. There's a brief moment to draw a deep, steadying breath, a little more tensing of his jaw as if grinding his words between his teeth. He'll consider the chair, the punching bag, the scotch on the desk, and the slighter man eager to help. He'll remain standing for now, averting his gaze to something else in the office as if it's super interesting.

"I'm sure you've heard by now about Kiryu and I," A dismissive wave of his hand.

"We normally settle things with fists, tried to talk, but it didn't go so well. So you're stuck with me now."

[abrightboy]

“I haven’t heard about you and Kiryu. He’s not much of a gossip. I did hear about you and Raylan. Congratulations.” A beat. “You know I don’t settle things with fists, right?”

[therebedragons]

"Thank you." He's still a bit tense and closed off with how he stands, arms crossed over his chest. He'll move to lean back against something instead, sighing softly.

"I know." He considers all of this, feeling ridiculous but not really knowing where else to go. It's taken a lot for him to swallow his pride and be here at all.

"Kiryu and I aren't on speaking terms. I know you've seen the conversations about Israel Hands."

[abrightboy]

“Ah. Right. Roman and Izzy and the tape. Kiryu told me that Raylan confronted Izzy afterwards. Izzy is Kiryu’s inmate. I can see how this would devolve into… a situation. What happened to put a nail in the coffin, as it were?” Malcolm asks.

[therebedragons]

"I reached out to try to talk to Kiryu, clear the air. I have respect for him and he considered me a friend once, I suppose things have changed. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, most of which surrounding Israel Hands." It was frustrating to say the least.

"Out of everyone on this ship, I am one of three who would understand the threat he poses. Kiryu has his file, and Izzy worked closely with Blackbeard on his crew. But before I was a pirate I saw Israel Hands slaughter the Governor's wife and child in the streets of Nassau. He was once one of the most dangerous and brutal of any pirate on the seas." He frowns softly.

"I'm no fool, I know that man may look nothing like the one from my world but we are from very similar places. All that is different is the physical appearances." And he doesn't exist in their world, but everything else is the same.

"I simply don't agree with how things are being handled, and how everyone else wants to treat the man like a docile kitten. He's a very real threat."

[abrightboy]

“Do you think there’s room to suggest he’s changed since Nassau and there’s some place in between docile kitten and remorseless danger that he exists in now? Kiryu seems to have a handle on him and Raylan laid down his version of the law. What else do you think should be done?” Malcolm asks curiously.

[therebedragons]

"I don't think he should be armed to the teeth as he is. I killed someone and had my sword confiscated for months. On top of being thrown in Zero for a week and having some kind of magical restriction placed on me for a time after." He shrugs.

"I've been unarmed this whole time. I had the sword back briefly but then we were captured by the Authority and separated onto other ships, I lost it then. Jedao retrieved it recently. I could be armed again finally, but I've decided against it for the time being as a way to deter myself from wanting to use it on someone only to lose it again."

[abrightboy]

"Well, he didn't kill anyone," Malcolm points out. "And you're probably further along to graduating if you have the self control to willingly walk unarmed." He studies Flint for a moment, his discomfort, his displeasure. "Do you often feel an urge to use a sword on people?"

[therebedragons]

"The point is he could, and he is a very real threat. I simply do not think he deserves to be armed. He hasn't proved he can be trusted with those weapons." He sighs.

"More often than I ever act upon. Not that it much matters, I've killed men with my bare hands. I killed Fitz without pulling my blade. When my rage is pushed to a breaking point I've blacked out and been pulled out of it moments later, covered in blood with a barely recognizable body under me. It's a darkness that's been in me since I was a boy." He shakes his head.

"I think you all misunderstand how much restraint I already show."

[abrightboy]

"I know someone who killed a man like that," Malcolm tells him. "Was it frightening, when it happened to you?"

[therebedragons]

There's a pause, a tensing and rippling of his jaw as if he's chewing on the words a little to make himself spit them out.

"Every time." It's happened more than once. "I may not have killed every time it happened, but I came close enough, more times than I can count."

He shifts a little uncomfortably then he'll push off where he's leaning to go for that Scotch he knows Malcolm keeps to pour himself a few fingers and finally have a seat. Mental health is not something as well known and well received in his time. It's almost taboo, there's not enough understanding, and the treatment is torture. So he's hesitant to say more but that's exactly why he's here.

"I was told it could be something medically wrong with my brain. Like an injury or something... physical." John tried to word it differently, bless his heart he tried, but certain buzz words stuck with Flint.

[abrightboy]

"While that's not impossible," Malcolm tells him carefully, "it's more likely psychological. The brain has a bunch of tricks in its bag to protect you from trauma. That... selective amnesia is one of them. The first time it happened to you, were you protecting yourself or someone you cared about? Were you pushed to it by trauma?"

[therebedragons]

Flint's drinking that Scotch a little faster than he should be, it's good Scotch it should be savored but this is extremely uncomfortable territory. He pours another finger or two and swirls it in his glass as he thinks. The first time it happened?

"I... I think I was defending myself from some school-aged bullies taking the piss and mocking me for being poor." Being dirty and smelling of fish, it's so long ago now it feels like a faded black-and-white photo.

"I taught myself how to read and write, my grandfather didn't have the money to put me through school. I didn't really have friends my age, spent most of my time at the docks helping the fishermen or doing whatever labor my grandfather needed of me."

[abrightboy]

"Did you return to consciousness at the scene or later? How did you know you did... whatever you did when you blacked out?" Malcolm asks him.

[therebedragons]

"At the scene, someone pulled me off the other bloke before I could kill him. Damn near succeeded though. And he was a rich little bastard so I got my hide lashed and I was sent into indentured servitude with the house to make up for the damage. The boy wasn't half as pretty after I was through and that was going to cost him his whole life trying to find a rich little piece of ass to marry I'd imagine." He shrugs.

"I knew what I'd done, didn't make it any less terrifying to know and that I had no control over myself. That I'd almost killed that boy. Dunno what was a worse feeling, being unable to control myself or recognizing the part of me wishing I'd succeeded in killing him."

[abrightboy]

"Well. The impulse to violence is normal. The thing that distinguishes us from a stag or a bull or a ram is that the frontal lobe of our brains provides a complex system of self-regulation. Brakes, as it were, that allow us to stop and think about whether that course of action actually benefits our long term welfare. Did you ever experience violence as a child before that happened? Was violence ever committed against you?" Malcolm asks.

[therebedragons]

There's a pause and a look at the other that said he was honestly surprised he would even ask that. Not because he was clutching his pearls but because he thought it was obvious.

"Of course." Didn't everybody? Violence in homes, towards children, it wasn't that uncommon. They had kids working in sweatshops. Dying on the streets. He was bullied. He was abused.

"I probably saw plenty of things no kid should. I ..." And yet, he chokes on it, it's hard to put into words. How could anyone understand to know unless they experienced it.

"My Grandfather did the best he could to raise me. He was just a poor fisherman and my father wanted nothing to do with me. He was out at sea most of the time, I barely saw him." He knew nothing about his mother. He occasionally saw his father but after a time, after he left for the Navy, he hadn't heard from either of them. He has no idea if any of his family are alive.

[abrightboy]

"Intense childhood trauma is a major blockage to work through," Malcolm tells him. "And it can lead to the sort of black out rages that you've described. When was the last time you experienced one of those episodes?"

[therebedragons]

His eyes wonder around the room a moment in thought.

"When my--" He almost says Wife but they weren't ever married. They may as well been. But he's not with her anymore, she still means so much to him, in so many different ways but calling her his wife now seems out of place.

"When Miranda was murdered in front of me. I lunged at the man who shot her." He shakes his head.

"I lost myself for a moment but it didn't last. Prior to that, the full brunt of my rage was taken out on another man I beat to death on the deck of my ship, the Walrus. He had been trying to turn the crew against me and raise the votes to oust me as Captain so he could take over. It came down to an accusation of theft and a duel to the death. It was me or him. Somewhere in the pounding of my fists against his face, I lost track of how many times I hit him. The world fell away. I'm not sure why I stopped, maybe it was the silence around me that pulled me from it."

[abrightboy]

"So the more recent episodes involved some awareness of your surroundings and your actions?" Malcolm clarifies, writing something in his notes.

[therebedragons]

"I have awareness up to a point. Generally." He scratches his head then reaches for the scotch again.

"But somewhere in the rush of adrenaline, the rage, the pain and taste of copper in my mouth I lose myself when it all builds up and overtakes me and I ..." He drinks hissing softly.

"I let that darkness consume me." He shakes his head, "At some point, I come to, either when I'm being yanked back or sometimes when a voice of authority reaches me. I don't know. Something breaks through and pulls me from it and when I see what I've done it's always enough to sober me enough to stop." His brow knits.

"I don't enjoy being a monster. I kill to survive. I kill when it's necessary but I don't like to do it. I was a soldier before I was a pirate, and I've done terrible things. Things I had no other choice but to do to survive and to make sure my men survived."

[abrightboy]

"I understand that," Malcolm tells him. "And it is possible to stop. But you have to want to. You have to want to give it up. And if you're at that point, I can help you with it."

[therebedragons]

"It's not that simple." He growls but takes a breath.

"How?"

[abrightboy]

"Therapy to help you process your trauma. Cognitive behavioural therapy to help you change your thought patterns and habits. It takes time, this kind of work. You won't be a changed man overnight." Malcolm considers him. "But why isn't it that 'simple'?" he asks. "Is it because the other pirates on board will pose a problem?"

[therebedragons]

"Because if I'm really pissed off and I'm kicking the shit out of someone I really want to make bleed, then there's a point where my brain and awareness switches off and won't come back until there's some outside influence. I don't have control of myself." He frowns.

"There are plenty of factors." Including a stubbornness where he may not want to fully let go of the only thing that's kept him alive. His rage and his fire, fuel his passion. It's such a huge part of him he's terrified to think of what it would be like if he switched it all off somehow.

"Certainly no short number of people I would like to see bleed."