Voicemail (IC Contact Post) OLD - at capcha

[abrightboy]

 This is Bright. Leave a message.

Comments

[empathicfault]

"Not that I know of. He knew my friend Alana Bloom- well, we were acquaintances. She didn't want to get too close because she had a 'professional curiosity.'" He's over how that went down, honest. "She might've mentioned my condition to him. Other than that? Nah. I hadn't been in the papers yet, and mostly tried to stay out of the way."

[abrightboy]

“Was your condition of particular interest to him?” Malcolm asks. “Was his goal always to turn you into a killer by manipulating it?”

[empathicfault]

"I mean, that was practically the first thing he did, so- yeah. And then he wanted to see how far he could push my morals. If I empathized with everyone, how do I react to needing to kill? Turns out- not well." Will smirks.

"But I think he was surprised when I started to piece together parts of the murders he didn't intend. I was seeing him, and he wasn't used to being seen. I'm sure my original fate was rotting in prison for his crimes or cooked to perfection on his plate, but that didn't last." He's about to say that Hannibal got lonely, but that doesn't feel right, here. "I think he got bored, without me around."

[abrightboy]

“You were entertaining, the prey that could keep up,” Malcolm notes. “How could any other prey meet those kinds of expectations? So then you became something else to him. Something he made. Something he wanted to own. Are you aware of when you started to feel something… else towards him? Something new?” Malcolm asks.

[empathicfault]

"I'm not sure exactly," Will says, running a hand over his face as he thinks. "But I know about when. When I was in the State Hospital, after I'd been treated for encephalitis, I knew what had happened, with clarity. I tried to get people to believe me." He shakes his head, frowning. "I was finally able to cajole one of the team to look into it- she did so on her own and didn't come back. Hannibal would come by every few days and gloat. Alana was upset that I kept accusing her then-boyfriend of murder. It was...nightmare-ish." And that's not something Will says lightly.

He rubs at his face again. "I had a...a 'fan' working at the hospital. He wanted to help me. I was at my wit's end, so. I gave him Hannibal as a target." Will is starting to slump in his chair a bit, his mind clearly going elsewhere as he recalls all this. "He didn't succeed. But if I had to guess, Hannibal was impressed. He left evidence to clear my name. I was released, and- I set up a plan with my former boss. A trap to catch Hannibal. I asked Lecter to resume my therapy."

He shakes his head, smiling but looking like doing so is somehow painful or uncomfortable. "It was after that, when I was pretending to be on board with his real kills or my fake ones. We didn't actually have therapy sessions. We instead spent time trying to impress each other. I had his full attention. And yes, he sent someone to kill me at one point. But it was- I was having 'fun.' I think my feelings changed then."

[abrightboy]

“Because he was the prey that could keep up. Do you think there’s any significance to the fact that your feelings mirrored his in that respect? Maybe to do with your empathy?” Malcolm asks.

[empathicfault]

"It makes sense, doesn't it? I was spending more time with him than with anyone else, at that point. And who would a narcissist love more than someone who feels like himself?" He's misreading the question on purpose here. He doesn't want to talk about pulling a predator's cloak over himself, having it be something of Hannibal's he's borrowed.

He's playing with his hair now, brushing it back out of his eyes. It was starting to get too long again. "We planned to run away together, and Jack and I set the trap. And this is where I have to back up because I haven't told you about Abigail Hobbs. She was the girl I 'saved'. Hannibal and I kept track of her, after I killed her father. I thought, I was responsible for her life now. It was her ear that Hannibal used to frame me.

"I had already been wavering. I wanted to leave with Hannibal, even as I knew I couldn't. And Hannibal caught on to the trap a day before. He gave me an out, and I- I didn't take it. But I found I couldn't leave him to it, either. I called and warned him. I wanted him to leave, but--"

But Hannibal didn't. And it was practically a massacre.

[abrightboy]

“Have you ever spent enough time with someone to know if you would commonly take on someone’s… traits, because of your empathy disorder?” Malcolm asks. Something he needs to know before he asks his next question.

[empathicfault]

Well, it's good to know just how much Malcolm catches onto, anyway.

Will stops for a moment, lets out a breath, and nods. "I do. It's mostly noticeable as affectation- in my speech patterns, my demeanor. Although I really do feel that way usually, at least a little. So maybe 'affectation' isn't the right word for it. If I spend time in a crowd, it all falls away to just...noise."

[abrightboy]

“So spending a lot of time alone with a predatory psychopath was always a danger to you,” he concludes. He pauses. “What happened to the girl after he cut off her ear?”

[empathicfault]

Will huffs instead of confirming Malcolm's conclusion, but that should be plenty to support it. Same with the fact that he continues on.

"Abigail," he says, emphasizing her name. "He had kept her alive, and hidden. She was a surprise for me. For our new life together, he said. When I made it back to his house, expecting to find it vacated, Alana was crumpled on the front step. Jack was in a heap in the pantry. Hannibal brought Abigail out and explained to me just how much I'd hurt his feelings." The way he puts it is purposeful, to try and stave off the tumbling panic he's starting to feel. That's much easier when making light of it. "He came close, stabbed me in the kidney and asked for forgiveness. And then he sliced Abigail's throat open."

He is about two steps from crying and places his fingers over his eyes, turning his face up towards the ceiling again. "I couldn't save her that time."

[abrightboy]

“I’m sorry,” Malcolm tells him sincerely. “I… had a case one time… we were looking for a nascent sadist. It turned out to be a young boy. …I know it’s not the same thing, but… I hadn’t suspected him initially because… he reminded me of me. I felt responsible for him. That didn’t change when I realized he was the killer.” He takes a breath. “Is that when you decided to kill him? When he killed Abigail?”

[empathicfault]

Will looks at Malcolm, the tears luckily staying in his eyes for now. He nods in sympathy at hearing Malcolm's story. He knows why it would feel similar.

The question takes another couple moments to answer, as Will collects himself. "It is when the idea first took root in my mind, yes. I couldn't-" Another sigh. He's starting to feel as if he's made of sighs. "Hannibal escaped. And yet he was still constantly on my mind. I couldn't focus on anything else, just- regretting my decisions. Wishing I had stopped him. Wishing I'd gone with him. And one of those is obviously wrong, right?" His lips curl up into a sad excuse for a smile. "So I kept looking for a solution, and- that was all I could come up with, to stop the madness."

[abrightboy]

“To kill yourself and take him with you. To stop him and go with him.” Malcolm pauses. “…Do you think that you’ve absorbed too much of him to… purge him completely?”

[empathicfault]

He looks at his hands, open-palmed in that way that Malcolm might recognize as one imagining blood on them. "I don't know," replies Will. "I told him once that we were conjoined, that we wouldn't survive separation. But here I am, by myself in a place that's supposed to be about helping. That seems sincere." He says it like he wants to believe it.

"I'm still not sure I should've taken the Admiral's deal. I was done. It was...a beautiful end to us, I thought."

[abrightboy]

“It’s still the end of Hannibal and Will. But he victimized you. He manipulated you to turn you into something you didn’t want to be. You don’t think maybe you deserve a chance to be Just Will?” Malcolm asks.

[empathicfault]

"I have never known who that is," Will replies sincerely, near-replicating the small smile that Malcolm gives him at the beginning of every session. "And I don't know if I'm going to find it here, with all these strong personalities. But-" He looks back, through to the main space and towards the rest of the ship. "I guess I've got time to try. I would like to know what I can make of myself now."

[abrightboy]

“It might help to think more of… what makes you feel good about yourself and what makes you feel bad. Rather than trying to figure yourself out wholecloth, just take it one step at a time. And take the decompression time you need.” It seems a reasonable path forward, but then he looks about to ask something, hesitates, then just… says it. “Do you miss him?”

[empathicfault]

"Like I ripped my own heart out and threw it in a fire," Will replies in almost a whisper. He nods in a way that almost seems more like a tic. He's remembering that night, when they finally understood each other fully.

"I'll try to take it in steps," he adds, still subdued but trying to work his way back to something more 'together.'

[abrightboy]

“It’s not… wrong, to feel that way. As long as you understand that what he made you suffer was abuse and that you’re better off without that in your life. He left a void but it’s more like… cutting out cancerous tissue,” Malcolm suggests.

[empathicfault]

There's a small part of him that seriously considers that, because what Hannibal has done to him is abuse. It's toxic, torture- whatever you want to point to, Hannibal has done it.

But Hannibal has also guided his hand, shown him beauty, shared in Will's gathered and newfound agency. He can't ignore that, either.

He shuts his eyes tight, and this time a couple tears manage to squeeze their way out. He reaches up to shamelessly wipe them off his face. He's used to crying inconveniently, at this point. "Yeah. I'll keep that in mind. Maybe something...better can grow in its place."

[abrightboy]

It’s not like Malcolm never cries.

“You know… the biggest and worst problems in my life were because of my father, but… not everything that he left with me was bad. If you want to hold on to something… something that was… special…. There’s nothing wrong with that, either.”

[empathicfault]

He rubs at his face a few more times as he thinks that over. "Yeah, I suppose not. They were few and far between, but- I found him in an art gallery in Florence once. We enjoyed the Boticelli exhibit. Nothing wrong with that."

Not until Will tried to stab him, anyway. But that was after they'd left.

"It makes it harder, when there are good things mixed in. Doesn't it?" he asks quietly. "Like you have to, somehow, judge pieces of a person, not the whole."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nods grimly.

“Relationships are complicated. Love is complicated. And it doesn’t go away just because you want it to or just because you realize it’s bad for you. …Your stories… you never mention anyone in your life that you really could rely on.”

[empathicfault]

"There wasn't much," Will concedes. "My Dad tried, but he was a single parent and a cop- it's a lot to juggle when you've got a 'special needs' sort of kid. I kind of floated through everything else. My time at the FBI was...not supportive. The one person I found recently, she- I ruined it."

He looks up at Malcolm. "I mentioned I was married. Molly- she was fantastic. Supportive and beautiful. She liked dogs as much as I did. And she was innocent. She didn't know the world I'd run away from, even after I told her. She didn't know until Hannibal sent the Great Red Dragon to her house to kill her and Walter. All because I couldn't say no to..." He searches for a word. "-hunting again."

He has gotten off track, he realizes. He didn't mean for that to go so sour. "But the couple of years I had with her were good. I felt relatively safe, for a short while."