Voicemail (IC Contact Post) OLD - at capcha

[abrightboy]

 This is Bright. Leave a message.

Comments

[cactusy]

Not make a transparent excuse to flee because you think you're going to drive me to hate you. Which you won't.

[abrightboy]

I told you what I needed to be comfortable with those questions and you wouldn’t consider it.

[cactusy]

I'm not refusing to consider it. I just think we have to be able to talk without a buffer in the way. And I don't think it's fair to ask him to be one for us.

[abrightboy]

Okay.

Are you trying to train me how to be a Real Boy? Because I’ve had a lot of lessons and they just don’t stick.

[cactusy]

A... real boy?

[She asks, her brow furrowing.]

Is that a Pinocchio reference?

[abrightboy]

Yes.

[cactusy]

Okay, explain?

[abrightboy]

It’s not self-explanatory?

[cactusy]

I don't know, do you think I'm calling you somebody's puppet, or... something to do with donkeys, or-- look, I haven't actually seen the movie in like twenty-five years; I'm a little sketchy on the plot details.

[abrightboy]

No, I’m just… metaphorically made of wood. But you can’t train me to be an actual human.

[cactusy]

... Same. Technically. We can still learn some stuff, though.

[abrightboy]

I learn things every day. They don’t change what I am. How about I tell you something I’ve never explicitly told Will?

[cactusy]

Sure. Shoot.

[abrightboy]

I’m on the spectrum. Aspergers is what they called it the first time a doctor brought it to my parents’ attention, though that term has fallen out of use and my mother paid handsomely to keep it or any other reference to the disorder out of my medical records. I think Will has determined this on his own, but I haven’t told him. He’s very sharp, though. Like I said: spot on profile.

[cactusy]

Oh. Wait, seriously?

[She goes quiet, though her expression remains sharp and alert; she's processing and integrating this new information, not zoning out.]

That... makes a lot of sense, actually.

[abrightboy]

I also have severe complex PTSD, but that is on the record. There’s no concealing that. I’m heavily medicated for it, but I still experience occasional psychoses and more than occasional night terrors, panic attacks and a psychogenic tremor. And while it seems like I’m quite a mess now, I’m actually doing really well and therapy helped me a lot, so when Kiryu asked me to join the counselling office, I did it because I thought I was getting a chance to give that back by paying it forward and I quit because the realization that I wasn’t at all was a crushing disappointment in myself that I haven’t crawled out from under yet. Does that cover everything? Can I go now?

[cactusy]

That sucks. To feel like a failure.

[She uncurls the fingers of one and so that she can pick up her coffee again, looking at the stars rather than at him.]

But you were right; you are a better person for this than me. Even with your, uh, difficulties, you're still better suited to being a warden than I am.

[abrightboy]

Better suited to being a Warden than you? I'm sure I never said that.

[cactusy]

Better suited for people stuff just... in general? Which would include wardening by most standards.

[abrightboy]

I'm also certain I've never claimed to be better at people stuff than anyone. I can see people. I can solve them like a puzzle. But they don't like it.

[cactusy]

Mostly because we aren't puzzles and you don't actually solve us. But fine, even if you weren't making the point I thought you were, I still think you're better at a lot of this than me, even when you do suck at it.

[She glances over at him. ]

Can I ask you another question.

[abrightboy]

I didn't solve you. I solve lots of people very accurately. But go ahead.

[cactusy]

Is Will really your first time... uh...

[She's not hesitating out of embarrassment, she's just suddenly unsure whether she wants to say dating someone, screwing someone, or living with someone.]

[abrightboy]

[Her hesitation means he assumes the question that would be the most embarrassing to ask and he answers it emphatically.]

It's not the first time I've had sex.

[cactusy]

That part doesn't surprise me; you don't even wanna know what I assumed about those headboard restraints when I first saw them.