No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[abrightboy]

She cocked her head slightly. "Is that why you're with him?" she asked evenly. She gestured towards Malcolm. "I couldn't help noticing you sleep in his bed. That seems... risky. Do you just like a challenge?"

She could see why Malcolm liked him. He was sexy and down to earth and probably wasn't put off by her son's lengthy monologues on gruesome crimes. But surely he had... the option of less damaged goods. So why?

[tinstar]

"Because he's a good man?" That wasn't what she was asking and he knew it, but he couldn't help but bat a volly back at her. "If you want the raw, no bullshit answer? No. Breaks my heart to hear him come up outta those screams half sobbing. Who'd want to wake up alone after that?"

He shook his head and shifted his feet. "You're divorced. And it doesn't take a mind reader to figure how your relationship with Martin is. To hell with what he done for a minute-" That wasn't the point, the point was the divorcing itself. "-You don't worry about what that looks and sounds like when you're dating? The baggage that comes with kickin' each other around for a few years?" Of course, he understood that Jessica's marriage didn't fall apart until her husband turned out to be a psychopath but her venom about it proved his point.

"You know what Malcolm's life is like, so, bar a few flagrant misunderstandings about my range of work, you can imagine what mine is like. I'm a 43 year old divorcee with a 7 month old daughter and an ex-wife that's left me three or four different times at this point. He makes me happy. Accepts me and mine for what it is. That's why I'm with him."

[abrightboy]

She just looked at him for a moment. It was a much less dressed up answer than she'd been expecting, somehow. Maybe she was just from a world where nobody was straight about their real feelings about anything.

"It's not exactly what I pictured for him," she admitted, then glanced down at the floor between their feet. "But since it seems like it's better for him than the way anything I pictured could have turned out, that's probably a good thing." She took a breath and looked at him. "You said you won't let anything happen to him?"

[tinstar]

"Yes ma'am," he assured with a bob of his head, steady as ever. If he'd been wearing his hat, he'd have tipped it at her. "Even if that means putting someone else into a pine box."

Raylan offered her a crooked smile. "I know it's not home and gardens in the society page, but if you're itching for humans of the small variety, I've got a dangerously cute little girl in joint custody."

[abrightboy]

She huffed a laugh.

"I'm sure I'd be very charmed to meet her some time," she admitted. "But what does Malcolm think of that? He's never been... warm to the idea of starting a family."

[tinstar]

Raylan sighed, wincing slighing with a bob of his head to the side.

"He hasn't met her either. He seems open to it and he and I already have an understandin' about her." Raylan met Jessica's eyes again, hazel gaze serious in the passing moment. Jessica would recognize the Papa Bear Syndrome seedly already deep rooted there. "There's no choice to be made when it comes to kids."

If Malcolm changed his mind and decided he wanted out, wanted away from the obstacles that parenthood brought, he could - Raylan wouldn't choose anyone over his child.

"We haven't talked about it beyond that." He thought it prudent to not mention the suggestion Malcolm had posed last night, easily wrapping that up into his inital statement.

[abrightboy]

"No, there is no..."

Her voice trailed off as Malcolm started mumbling something incoherent, his face pinched, just beginning to pull at his restraints.

She looked over and stared a moment, then looked away.

"I haven't seen one of these in years," she admitted.

[tinstar]

"Then go stop it before it gets loud and violent. Means you'll have to touch him. Sooner he's woken, the better." Raylan spoke before taking a pull from his coffee cup and setting it on the counter.

"I have to use the little boys room, excuse me." Yes, he was leaving Jessica to deal with Malcolm's nightmares in the hopes that she would. Wishing things were different didn't make reality go away.

[abrightboy]

Jessica looked at him like he was a maniac.

"What? Are you crazy?" She followed him to the bathroom, calling through the door. "His therapist said never to touch him when he's having one of these...episodes. She said you can just make it worse!" She frowned at the door. "Do you actually try to stop them? I told her she should have told Malcolm that!"

[tinstar]

God, she was one of those kinds of women. He wasn't unfamiliar. Thankfully, he could pee while being yelled at. A few moments later, and after he'd washed his hands, he reopened the door, a little unapologetic about the space he took up in it.

"Makes no sense at all to sit back and listen like we're a horror movie drive in. You've got Malcolm just about as terrified of himself as he is of his father-" And with the bruises on his face, Raylan looked like he didn't give much of a shit about if he got hit again as he gestured over her shoulder. "-and I've yet to see where a fear campaign really ever helped anyone. Now, you gonna let me go wake him up or are we going to stand here and get louder to get over his screams?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm was thrashing violently, but he was still mumbling. Suddenly, he screamed, curling in on himself.

Jessica looked over, clearly both horrified and concerned, but she only stepped out of Raylan's way.

She was scared of it too.

"He did tell you about the woman he almost stabbed, I assume?" she said, even as she let him pass.

[tinstar]

His thank you was all in his expression and the way his palm tilted up and out as he went by, heading for Malcolm.

"I'm a US Marshal, Jessica. I've put men worse than him down, I can handle a nightmare or two." Even if Malcolm got his hands on another knife in his sleep, Raylan had been come at with those before too. It didn't matter, or change his opinion on it.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, Raylan started with Malcolm's shoulder, one hand coming to cup his face as he turned with the contact for better or worse. No matter how loud or hard he had to get, he couldn't help but try to wake Malcolm softly. He wanted that to be the way Malcolm came up, but it hadn't worked so far.

Raylan was of the opinion its because Malcolm just isn't used to the possibility yet.

[abrightboy]

"No don't," he pleaded at whatever was in his head, rolling towards Raylan like there was open space there, trying to crawl to escape.

[tinstar]

"Malcolm, c'mon darlin' time to get up." His shakes and pats got a little firmer, voice a little louder. Time to leave the nightmares where they belong.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm woke up suddenly, his hands coming up defensively, pushing whatever was in front of him away, restraints jangling, until he realized it was Raylan. Relief flooded his face and he pulled against the far restraint to lean into him, eyes squeezed shut as he buried his face in Raylan's neck.

[tinstar]

The shushes that came from Raylan were instinctual and as Malcolm registered reality, he uncuffed Malcolm's far arm so he could be wrapped around properly.

"It's alright," he whispered into Malcolm's ear as he hugged him, hand moving reassuringly up and down his lower back. "And I hate to add one nightmare to another, but your mother is here." Not exactly what Malcolm wanted to be greeted with, Raylan was sure, but better to get that out of the way before anything else happened.

[abrightboy]

If Raylan hadn't warned him, he probably would have asked him, when he noticed her presence, lingering just this side of the kitchen island, if she was really there. As it was, he lifted his head to look over Raylan's shoulder and spotted her there.

He sighed faintly, letting go of his tight grip on Raylan sooner than he wanted to in order to start unbuckling himself.

Jessica stepped closer, still wary, eyeing them carefully.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Malcolm looked up from undoing his near wrist restraint. "Regular morning around here," he noted. Then paused. "If considerably later than usual," he said, squinting towards the window at the sunlight. Another pause and he looked at Raylan. "Do I smell coffee?"

[tinstar]

Raylan pulled back but stayed on the bed til Malcolm was done unstrapping himself and smiled at the question. A more arrogant man might rub what he just did rather successfully in Jessica's face, but Raylan wasn't that kind of man.

"Can't promise I did it completely right, but it's better then what they serve at the office and probably won't kill ya." With a pat on Malcolm's leg, Raylan stood and ambled towards the island. "But Jessica made you some tea, so you've got options this morning."

His feelings would not be hurt if he had to drink a whole pot of coffee by himself; the two and half to three hours he'd gotten did not feel like enough.

[abrightboy]

"It's like a buffet," he said, some of his morning demeanour starting to creep in. He slid to the edge of the bed, pressing a kiss to Raylan's temple. "But I cannot contemplate any liquids just yet," he admitted as he got to his feet and headed to the bathroom.

When the door shut behind him, Jessica advanced on Raylan, keeping her voice down.

"What do you mean I've made him scared of himself? His... condition has been assessed by some of the top mental health experts in New York; I'm only telling you what they told me."

As far as she was concerned, he was right to be scared of what he might do when he was under because it was scary.

[tinstar]

The kiss to his temple was nice, earning a broad, closed lipped smile that kept his face curled as he collected his coffee cup and found his spot against the counter. The smile slipped off as Jessica came back at him again, a seriousness slipping into his features.

"You don't want me to answer this question. Doesn't matter anyway, you've told him so long how terrifyingly fragile he is, he doesn't know any other way of existing. I hear good things about therapy, you could figure it out there."

Dr. Givens, he was not.

[abrightboy]

She crossed her arms and considered him. "His mind is frail," she informed him.

[tinstar]

"And you're so terrified of your own son that you would rather look away then try to help him. You think being left alone to comfort himself with said frail mind is a good thing? Did that-" he gestured past them both towards the bed, "- look like he was worse for havin' gotten a damn hug?"

He was honestly asking at this point; he didn't know how she could stand that.

[abrightboy]

She looked uncomfortable, more than anything. She loved her children, but had never been much of a hugger. Sure, when Malcolm escaped from Watkins she'd clung to him, but that wasn't a daily occurrence, except that she did have a daily fear of losing him to some terrifying unseen force.

"He looks very happy with you," she finally said in an even tone.

It wasn't an answer to the question, but it also was.

[tinstar]

Raylan stared at her a long moment, expression softening around the edges back to a calmer one.

"I can't imagine what it was like having to raise two kids by yourself," he started, voice equally soft. "And you got them to adulthood the best way you knew how. I'm the last to judge here, mine's not even talkin'. Alls I'm tryin' to do is help him."

It wasn't a competition. He didn't want it to be turned into that somehow. And after all the
therapists and pills, if a little human connection helped, if doing something different got a better result then it was a good thing, not a victory to be lorded over anyone.

[abrightboy]

She pushed her hair behind her ear, looking at little relieved at being off the hot seat.

"I was a little concerned about how much older you are than he is," she confessed. "But maybe the perspective is good for him."

She stepped past him to pour a cup of tea, so Raylan would be closer to Malcolm when he came back into the room.

"In the end, I just want him to be happy. I know the things I've wanted for him haven't always been..."

She heard the bathroom door open and stopped, taking a studious sip of her tea as Malcolm noted Raylan and smiled at him, slipping past him with a hand lingering at his hip a moment before reaching up to get a mug and pour a coffee from the french press.

"And what brings you by this morning, Mother?" he asked, taking a sip. "I don't suppose you've come to tell me you changed your mind and we're going to tell them the truth," he guessed dryly.

"Absolutely not," she said firmly. "The nurses said you left late last night. I didn't realize you had... company." She looked at Malcolm. "Your father was the same this morning. Don't feel obliged to hang around there all day."