No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[abrightboy]

"What's 'normal'?" Malcolm pointed out. "I'm sure it's not a prerequisite for happiness, whatever it is. It sounds like a great big pile of other people's expectations to me. I'm tired as hell of what other people think I should want or be or do. Do you know who doesn't try to change me or 'fix' me? You. It's the freshest air I've ever breathed. If you love someone the way they are, then what's stopping you from making a life with them? Your job was an excuse, Raylan, because the reason you do the job is fundamentally part of who you are. And you're still a great partner and a great dad. Because of who you are, not in spite of it. It's not stopping you from having those things in your life. You have those things in your life." He gestured around. "An important thing to note in our apartment while the baby sleeps in the next room," he pointed out with a smile.

[tinstar]

A functioning relationship to start with but there was never stopping Malcolm once he got it in his head to make a point and one that very swiftly softened the curl of his everything as Malcolm got sweet.

"You know I think this is normal, right?" he asked, eyes a little serious as he studied Malcolm's face, his left hand stroking a few times in a short brush up Malcolm's side. Them being 'normal' was never a question. Their relationship surviving their jobs, fairer game. "You're more reasonable than her, I'll say that, but.."

There was always going to be that slight concern that things would just.. fall apart on him again.

"That is an important thing to note," he agreed, glancing backwards up at the monitor to catch the still sight of Willa asleep. He loved that little girl more than life itself and he still couldn't believe she existed.

[abrightboy]

"...This is normal?" He laughed. "I've never been called that before. Should I be offended or flattered?" he teased brightly. He pressed a kiss to Raylan's mouth and then studied his face again. "'But' what?" he asked gently. "I'm more reasonable, but what?"

[tinstar]

"Yeah," he said, one shoulder lifting up with a tentative curl of his lips. "I vote flattered," he managed before Malcolm kissed him, earning a tightening of his hand around Malcolm's waist.

And as much as Raylan would have liked to just linger in that moment, hopeful that they wouldn't really have to dig into things, Malcolm continued and the slant of easy amusement that had started to creep into his features crept back out. Serious hazel eyes watched the man leaned above him and he worried that saying anything more would fuck up the nice even ground they'd found again.

"Her blaming my job is only half not reasonable. The other half is dealing with the threat of getting gunned down in her own home or in mine, or at work. I can't blame her for that. It hasn't happened with us, with you, yet. But Winona saw a lot. People aren't meant to live with a constant fear like that." Of course, that statement was laughable when applied to Malcolm; he'd overcome so much, but he was unique in more ways than one.

"You deal with enough fear. What's gonna happen when my job puts more on?" It wasn't a family friend murderer in a basement - it was people that would strike when guard was down. When it was meant to be down, at home.

[abrightboy]

"It's not her choosing to leave that I object to," Malcolm said. "If what she needed was the safety, then she had a right to choose that. That isn't her problematic behaviour. But I know what I'm signing up for. Remember what you told me the first night you climbed in my bed?"

[tinstar]

"I've told you a lotta things, so you're gonna havta narrow it down a little." Raylan had always offered him a reassuring shoulder and ear whenever he could; at least five different things popped up in his head.

[abrightboy]

"You said that I warned you and you made your choice and if you got hurt, then I wasn't allowed to feel responsible," Malcolm reminded him. "I hope you didn't think that was a one-way thing."

[tinstar]

"An elbow to the face or a broken nose isn't a bullet, but I take your point," he admitted with concession. "Doesn't mean I'm not gonna worry about it anyway, in the back of my head. I'll work on it, I promise."

It was the best he could do.

[abrightboy]

"Well, I also do, so that's fair," he conceded with a smile, lightly kissing his nose. His slid his hand down to splay on Raylan's chest. "But my point is that I've made my bed." He pressed a kiss to Raylan's mouth. "And I intend to lie in it."

[tinstar]

"We're going figure it out," he promised again, holding Malcolm more tightly in the passing moment. "And you lie in it so pretty," he praised with a chuckle before sighing and focusing his attention back up. "I love you, you know. I would do anything to keep you next to me."

Not matter their flaws or downfalls or arguments. Malcolm Whitly meant the world to Raylan Givens and he would scar as many trees as needed to make that clear.

"I suppose we should probably GO to bed but I'm enjoying this too much." He didn't want this to end, much like every night he spent with Malcolm.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm grinned. "Well, I am a chronic insomniac," he teased, leaning in for another kiss. And then a slightly more leisurely one. "I've got time for this." Another kiss. "And I love you too."

[tinstar]

"Mm," Raylan hummed in return, features wrinkling in the fond, loving squint of his face. "We gotta enjoy it while we have it before it's gone.. I gotta use the bathroom, you gonna still be here when I get back? I find myself in a desperate need to just have you against me for a few minutes."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm laughed, shifting to let him up.

"Where would I go?" he pointed out brightly. "I live here!"

[tinstar]

"You live here," Raylan enthused with a grin before slapping his ass lightly and sitting up to stride towards the bathroom and take a few moments to himself for personal needs. After washing his hands, Raylan strode back out, smiling at Malcolm as his eyes found him.

"How do you feel about french toast for breakfast tomorrow?"

[abrightboy]

He considered it.

"I don't know if I can do it," he admitted, reaching for him as he approached. "But don't let that stop you. If you only have what I can eat you have a lot of scrambled eggs and plain yogurt in your future."

[tinstar]

He kept his smile as he dropped himself onto his side, tucked up against Malcolm with his non-weight bearing arm draped up on his chest. "I'm not going to stop trying to include you but I don't expect you to try everything or anything you don't want to. As long as I get to see you put something in at some point over the day. Plus, the vanilla will make the apartment smell great."

[abrightboy]

"I do like the smell of french toast," he admitted. "I'll try a nibble and see how it goes down." Or, more accurately, how it stayed down.

He ran his fingertips back and forth along Raylan's arm.

"Do you want to take Willa somewhere tomorrow or do you want to stay in? I guess we should at least go pick up whatever you want to barbeque tomorrow night. A chicken breast and... whatever you want."

[tinstar]

That's more than he asked but that only made Malcolm's effort sweeter. Raylan's smile spread softly at the resolve and the fingers up and down his arm.

"Yeah, there'll at least be a trip to the store but I'll be takin' her to work for a few hours. Gotta show her off," he conceded with a smile. "Well, and I've got a few things to tie up. It won't take long and I can come pick you up afterwards, we can go be domestic together. Get you some jello if you haven't already gotten some."

[abrightboy]

Show her off. Wow, that hit him with an unexpected pang of... he really did not want to call it jealousy when the subject was an actual infant, but.... Well, he'd been castigating himself for two days straight for accidentally giving Raylan's workmates Suspicions and the baby got escorted in there and shown off. Of course Raylan wanted to show her off; she was his daughter and he was, as Malcolm had pointed out, a good father. But it stung how easily she got to be an accepted part of his life instead of, for example, a dirty little secret that had to be kept in the closet at home. It wasn't Raylan's fault, the way things were, and he would never have him risk himself for something so - ultimately - trivial. It wasn't going to be this way long. They had plans.

Though something in Malcolm was reasonably sure he would not be introduced as Raylan's significant other at his office in Miami any more than he was at his office here.

Something faint only flickered across his face as he processed that, his fingers slowing their movement until he realized and resumed it again at 'jello'.

"Jello. I didn't. Get any," he admitted. He looked at Raylan. "That'll be fun. I'll. Be here. Until then." A beat. "I hope they have lemon. It's hard to find."

[tinstar]

Raylan's smile slid slowly away. The stilled fingers and the flash of something across Malcolm's face was hard to ignore, and hard to miss now that he'd spent so much time studying the younger man's features. He'd said something wrong, though he wasn't sure what.

"You're not going to stay in the whole time, right? I mean it's only gonna be a couple hours but. I don't want you to feel stuck in here just because I'm not home. I.. do a lotta not bein' at home." He wasn't trapped. Raylan didn't want him to feel that way either.

"The neighbourhood looks pretty walkable, we've probably got a park or something nearby.. Not that anything stands up to Central Park."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm had returned from wherever his thoughts had taken him and his eyes wandered up to Raylan's face again as he spoke, lighting up a little as they fell on it.

"Oh. No. I was thinking of checking out the coffee shop up the street. See what kind of tea they have." He smiled a little. "You know. Vet them. I might consider taking you there.... if they're good," he teased.

His eyes lingered on Raylan's eyes. "I know you work a lot. I do, too. I get it. I told you I can entertain myself. Don't worry about me."

[tinstar]

He took the answer, still somewhat unsettled in his gut and didn't argue. How could he when Malcolm's eyes went back to that happy light they had before.

"You'll have to let me know. If they can get tea right, I'm sure they can't mess up coffee too bad. Might be able to hit 'em up before work in later days." Raylan bent down and kissed Malcolm again with a little hum. "And when we're not saddled with the cutest little girl in the world, we can go get some together. Sit for a bit, if you want."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm all but melted into the kiss, but then that offer... He understood what the gesture was and his expression grew a little watery and, if possible, more fond.

"I'd like that," he said earnestly.

His expression shifted into a broader smile. "But I don't know if I'd say 'saddled with'. Maybe 'gifted with'," he suggested.

We can shift from here or next tag after?

[tinstar]

Raylan could guess now, what it was that had suddenly bothered Malcolm. It hurt but there wasn't much they could do about it beyond these little concessions of shopping and tea together. Things that had nothing to do with their job, that didn't demand any kind of professionalism. Where they could be out in public without some of the more aggressive concerns that Raylan had.

"Only gift I've ever gotten in my life that vomits on me," he said with a laugh. He let a moment pass with a breath before he continued. "I could use another drink if we're staying up. Wanna join me on the porch for a nightcap?"

[abrightboy]

After a moment's search for his hastily discarded pants, Malcolm joined him eagerly.

They went to bed late, so his night terror happened close to 4:30 in the morning. Once Raylan fell back to sleep, Malcolm lingered there with him, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He heard Willa just starting to fuss by about 5:30, so he slipped out of bed, pulled on a t-shirt and headed out into the livingroom before she made a loud enough noise to wake her father.

He changed her diaper and Raylan had mentioned her taking a bottle in the mornings. When he found the supplies, Youtube helped him complete the task and he had her back in the playpen, sucking on it greedily while he leaned over the railing softly singing 'Baby Beluga' at her, the infant watching him with big eyes.