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From:

goingtobeunwell

Crozier feels like he's been slapped upside the head a couple of times. "What? No --"

Christ almighty, this has already become a mess, hadn't it? He's surprised it hadn't spilled over into the public arena.

"No, I'm concerned about this." Messy household, dirty dishes, worn face.

From:

abrightboy

That’s a relief, honestly. He does trust Francis in ways he had never worked up to with Jesus.

Malcolm glances around. “I had a bad day yesterday.” He gives Crozier an almost sly smile. “It ended okay, though. She let Will stay with me last night.”

From:

goingtobeunwell

A bad day seems like a bit of an understatement. Crozier returns the smile very gently, the worry in his eyes not lessened.

"Tell me what's happened."

From:

abrightboy

“Do you… know what happened before? What Avalon did to Will shortly after arriving?” Malcolm asks.

From:

goingtobeunwell

"Can't say that I do."

There are too many instances of Barge violence for Crozier to really keep up.

From:

abrightboy

“When they first arrived, they had these… powers. Telepathy and shapeshifting. They became obsessed with Will and started transforming into nightmare images from his mind. Psychoses he’d had. A person he lost. Then they tried to kill him. They stabbed him. After that, their Warden took those powers away, but… the other week, on the space station, they tried to stab John Doe. Then they started following Will. He caught them and they told him things between them were unfinished and they wanted to stab him again. Will… lost it on them and killed them.” He watches Francis for a moment. “It was a trauma fear response. Avalon poses a real danger to him.”

From:

goingtobeunwell

He follows it all well enough. Avalon seems a touch obsessive -- sounds as though there needs to be a few wardens watching out for them, if there aren't already.

"And what happened next?"

Shaw gave him her side of the story: her worry about Will's progress, Malcolm's rigidness when it comes to the reasons Will's an inmate to begin with, his refusal to recuse himself. He wants to hear what Malcolm has to say about it.

From:

abrightboy

“Will called me to tell me what happened. I went to see him, to see if he was okay. Shaw said she was going to be with him twenty-four hours a day going forward. I told her that I could stay with him some of the time. She kind of scoffed at that. So I sat with Will for a bit, which calmed us both down some, then she said it was time for bed. So. I left. She said she’d bring him by last night for a movie, but I texted Will early in the morning, expecting he’d be awake but she might not be. I mean, I know she reads all his communications regularly, but if she was sleeping she wouldn’t be able to stop us talking. Anyway she hadn’t told him how long this 24 hour constant surveillance was going to go on, and then people started contacting me about it… I think she asked them to. I think she’s been recruiting people to handle me the same way she called you. So I started getting worried she wouldn’t bring him over. And then I started getting worried she’d stop me from seeing him altogether. So. I was… That’s where I was in my head yesterday,” Malcolm explains, looking at the counter. “And I didn’t know for sure they were coming until Will walked in. But after the movie, Shaw said Will could stay with me and she’d pick him up in the morning when he called her.”

From:

goingtobeunwell

Two very different sides to the same story. Shaw’s - analytical, to the point, and Malcolm’s - emotional, with a wider breadth of the timeline. They both wanted the same thing, did they not?

Crozier sits back and furrows his brow, quietly musing over the pieces to himself.

“My boy,” he says after a moment, leaning forward and taking Malcolm’s hand. He squeezes it gently. “I’m going to give you a piece of advice that may be difficult to hear. Indulge me as someone who’s been on both sides, won’t you?”

His expression soft, he pushes on. “You love Will, and Will quite obviously adores you. I don’t suppose it’s in either of your plans to make your life here, in this damned place, is it?

“Will is dead, Malcolm. The only thing keeping him alive is by being here. You can’t live your life with him when he’s like this, trapped in-between. Now I don’t know about Shaw’s methods - she’s harsh, strict, and Christ knows she rubs people the wrong way - but her job here is to do what you cannot, to bring Will back to life. There’s nothing more difficult than entrusting somebody else with the redemption of the person you love, but nothing more vital than giving them that job.”

He nods softly, as though trying to push through his meaning. “I never saw the reasons Xiao Xingchen was an inmate. I had to step back and allow someone else to help him in those ways that I could not. I had to acknowledge flaws, even if I couldn’t see them. I needed to let his warden work, even if their methods were strange or odd. There’s no one solution here.

“And…Will has a warden. A devoted one. There are so many inmates who just…disappear one day, Malcolm.”

From:

abrightboy

Malcolm’s expression creases and he feels that creeping misery crawling in every direction from the chasm opening in his chest.

“Did Xiao Xingchen‘s Warden ever tell you that you weren’t allowed to see him? That you weren’t allowed to be in a room alone?”

He looks down at Francis’ hand over his.

“I know why he’s an inmate and I haven’t interfered with her work, except in her head. Maybe she should focus on her job.”

From:

goingtobeunwell

Crozier’s smile falters, but it isn’t because of what Malcolm said. It’s what’s behind it.

He takes back his hand, but only to move beside him and oh-so-tenderly, oh-so-carefully cup his face.

“You’re so afraid of being left alone, my boy,” he whispers. “Of having something good taken away. Your whole life has been unsteady, searching for someone to hold onto who won’t betray you.”

From:

abrightboy

That, from Francis, makes his eyes well.

“Why is that a crime this week?” he whispers.

From:

goingtobeunwell

“It was never a crime,” he murmurs, thumb poised to catch any tears that may fall. He remembers how Malcolm reacted at even the thought that he may one day leave.

“Will you do something for me?

From:

abrightboy

He nods faintly, constrained a little by Francis' hands but not trusting his voice.

From:

goingtobeunwell

His hand moves to his shoulder, and he grips him tightly. “Remember that you have a place in Will’s life. It’s vital for some people to make those connections, to have something to live for and work towards.”

Crozier makes sure to catch his eyes for this next part— “Will is an inmate, and you’re not his warden, nor would he want you to be. Sometimes we have to let go, and trust that things we chafe against serve a purpose. It can be…infuriating, worrying. It might even make you ill.” As is clearly the case. “But Shaw is his warden, and she’s the one who’s going to do the harsher work to get Will his life back. He won’t be taken from you, lad. You know that’s not how this place works.”

From:

abrightboy

"It's not about that," Malcolm tells him. "I know she's been telling people that it us, because they keep calling me and coming here and saying that, but I don't want to be his Warden or dictate how he's Wardened. Literally I just wanted her to tell me the 24 hour chaperoning him everywhere would have an end date. I just wanted to know that we could spend time together, without her, at some point. But until after the movie last night, she wouldn't say that. I didn't even need specifics. And I have been trying and trying to explain that to everyone who's come here with these concerns and I feel like I've been screaming into a void." He takes a breath. "I didn't want to even necessarily see him right then or anything. I just wanted to know that I would be able to. Alone. Eventually. And she wouldn't say it. Instead, she apparently texted everyone I know and told them I'm crazy."

From:

goingtobeunwell

Crozier shakes his head. “She didn’t say that.”

And he feels as though the point is getting away from him.

“It might be beneficial to speak with mediation about boundaries you’ll both need to set. Ultimately though Malcolm, she makes the decisions for Will. I know it’s upsetting, but it’s what she’s been brought here to do.”

From:

abrightboy

Malcolm presses his fists against his eyes.

"I don't want her not to make the decisions!" Malcolm says through gritted teeth. "I wanted her to tell me what one specific decision of hers about him was! And when she refused, I left her and Will alone! She's the one that has since sent a parade of harassment to me about respecting her wardening. We already are supposed to meet with Kiryu when everything calms down. Am I speaking English?" he asks, letting his hands drop. "Or am I really screaming into a void? I went over after it happened, after Will called me, that night for like twenty minutes. Then I left because she wanted me to and then I left them alone. What sort of interference am I supposed to have been causing that warrants her sending everyone I know down here to chide me for it? Please. I'm begging you to explain it to me. I want to know."

From:

goingtobeunwell

“I can see you’re frustrated,” Crozier says coolly. “But I know you, Malcolm. I can see how distressed you are, and I’m trying to offer some advice. As for the rest — I don’t know.

“I don’t know any of it. I don’t know how she reacted, I don’t know the details of what happened with Will. I’d appreciate it if you’d quit lumping me in with the battalion of people that Shaw sent your way, because I’m not here for her or to talk reason into you or whatever damn thing you think is going on.

“I see the path you’re going down. I see the push and the pull between you and here, and I’m offering advice because it’s a man’s life at stake and you’re both wardens. Take it or not, my boy, but don’t mistake my intentions.”

From:

abrightboy

Malcolm looks at the floor between them, cowed.

"Of course I want your advice. I'll... do what you said."

From:

goingtobeunwell

Crozier sighs and raises his hand to massage between his eyes.

“I’d tell you to start guarding your heart just a little more, but we both know I’d be a hypocrite if I did. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”