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From:

abrightboy

Maybe he does. What sorts of things?

From:

deuceoftears

[Do you look like your father, Malcolm? whispers the part of him that knows exactly where to slide a knife, metaphorically and literally. I look exactly like mine.

He doesn't say that.]

About your father, and how people treated you because of it.

Edited Date: 20 Oct 2023 02:37 (UTC)

From:

abrightboy

I pretty much thought everyone knew that. That’s me one-oh-one.

From:

deuceoftears

Among people who know you well, I suppose.

It was just - a lot of details. He talked about how you got your scar, and the friend who broke things off with you, and the time you were trapped in a closet.

He seemed quite sure the glitter would seem...of a piece, to you. A message of larger, unrelenting antipathy, or salt in those old wounds.

From:

abrightboy

I mean… I guess when I opened the drawer, I was like… oh, this again. But it’s so commonplace in my life, I didn’t really see the point of pursuing it. …Neal said that?

From:

deuceoftears

Not in so few words. But that was my understanding.

And I don't bear you unrelenting anything, for the record.

From:

abrightboy

[Malcolm smiles to himself.]

I’ve never had a friend like him.

From:

deuceoftears

I'm not sure he's necessarily making your best case to everyone, but it is very nice to have a partisan, sometimes. And he seems like a man of wonderful convictions.

From:

abrightboy

He makes a better case than I can make. People hear him, at least. He knows how to be heard. And he cares. Not just about me. About anyone he sees being treated unfairly.

From:

deuceoftears

I'll admit, it is precisely the limits of what he sees that bothers me, somewhat. But perhaps I'm just being terribly Shuos about it.

From:

abrightboy

Which limits?

From:

deuceoftears

There's a lot of people's files he hasn't read. Nor will nor should he, in many cases. But it is a factor.

From:

abrightboy

A factor in what?

From:

deuceoftears

Just...fraught situations, in general.

From:

abrightboy

…Okay. So… talk to the person and let me know?

From:

deuceoftears

I will.

[ - Some 24 hours later -]

Well, the good news is, to my knowledge you haven't missed anyone.

From:

abrightboy

Um. Okay. Cool. Does ‘the good news is’ mean there’s bad news?

From:

deuceoftears

Maybe. It's Sebastian I spoke to; he's interpreted your apology in a way I hope is incorrect, as well as uncharitable.

From:

abrightboy

…I told him I was completely out of line and exhibited behaviour that wouldn’t be acceptable coming from anyone. Which part did he object to?

From:

deuceoftears

I'm afraid he took "It just wasn't acceptable behaviour on anyone's part," to imply that he was equally in the wrong. On anyone's part referring to the behavior of everyone involved, rather than your hypothetical position.

Which - frankly, awkwardly phrased, but Sebastian does make something of a sport of uncharitable readings, that's not all on you. I'm glad to hear you meant the other thing.

From:

abrightboy

Well, I think trying to clear it up even more will just… continue to have an increasingly opposite effect, so… I should probably just let it stand.

From:

deuceoftears

Probably, yes. I'm quite fond of Sebastian, but he can be extremely petty.

[This is actually one of the things Jedao likes about him, but it's definitely Difficult.]

You said things before, about losing your temper. I don't...I don't lose my temper. It wasn't safe, in my life. For that to happen. I get angry. But when I'm angry I don't...well. I don't do much of anything. I go very still, if I don't have another facade I need to keep up.

When I imagine losing my temper, I imagine saying a lot of things I do mean, but that would be...unfair, or cruel to say. So I normally choose not to say them. I imagine hurting people, physically, even though I believe that's generally wrong. But I don't imagine saying things I don't mean.

I didn't expect you to apologize. I misjudged you, and I'm sorry for that. That's the most important thing.

But I would...like to know, if you're willing to tell me, whether making mistakes means you think the things you said to Sebastian initially weren't true, or if you just think they shouldn't have been said to him.

'Fuck off, Jedao, I don't answer to you,' is a perfectly reasonable answer.

From:

abrightboy

Of course I didn’t mean them. I don’t even know him.

From:

deuceoftears

[Well, that's a relief. On the other hand, of course is doing a lot of work.]

People believe terrible things about people they don't know all the time.

[He points out mildly.]

From:

abrightboy

On some level they know it’s based on a stereotype, or one out of context moment, or their own imagination. They think terrible things about people they don’t know. They assume. They project. ‘Believe’ is a bit strong for most people, in that respect.