abrightboy | Voicemail (IC Contact Post) NEW

abrightboy

This is Bright. Leave a message.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

From:

talesuntold

Maggie offers a small smile. "I'm pretty steady today, at least. And the bit about needing to get things out before being able to actually field logical questions definitely hits home. In case that ever comes up again."

She purses her lips. "If I'm fielding logical questions before I get things out, I tend to... shut down isn't quite the right word, but I lock 'for public consumption' Maggie into place, especially if those guesses or questions are off base. Me shutting down sometimes looks like me being matter of fact if I'm hurting or cheerful if I'm furious. You grow up in the public eye and maintain an internet persona for a living, you get good at compartmentalizing. Which is what happened during that attempted therapy session. I was trying to let go for a few minutes, but went the opposite direction instead."

She hurries to add, "I'm not trying to critique your handling of it right now. I just think it's a useful example if we're going to understand each other."

From:

abrightboy

"I grew up in the public eye," Malcolm tells her. "Just... never for anything I did and never for anything good. It's one of the reasons I changed my name. The Surgeon's Son disappears from google results after about 2007. One of my big concerns there is my current name ending up linked, in the public domain, to my former name."

He considers his tea for a moment, then looks up at her.

"In the interest if being clear about that example, my feelings on it were that you never gave what I do a chance. It wasn't what you were looking for and I get that, but... you came to me to give it a try and you didn't really try it." He shrugs a shoulder. "You're not the only one. Not by a mile. That's one of the reasons I curate my client list a little more carefully since my break from Counselling. It was... harming me, trying to fit into a box that I would never fit into."

From:

talesuntold

"That's understandable, and I'm sorry. I was hurting so badly that your first question being so far off base knocked me off course enough to feel... unseen and unheard. And then I was afraid to fall apart in front of you because I didn't trust that you'd see enough of me to help put me back together. Which wasn't entirely fair. But I was too much of a disaster that week to be fair."

From:

abrightboy

He shrugs. “We both learned something,” he says, wrapping both hands around his cup.

From:

talesuntold

Maggie hums her agreement.

"I don't want to hurt you or back you into a corner, or for us to be circling each other with metaphorical hackles raised." She gives him a flicker of a smile as she adds, "...Hopefully not literal ones, although of course that's also a possibility now."

From:

abrightboy

Malcolm shrugs expansively.

"I don't really do hackles, wolfwise. I'm not much for... hackling."

One of the reasons he's not entirely sure he's doing it right, though he's been told you can't really do it wrong.

"But I don't want that either. The... metaphorical stuff."

He pauses, considers the liquid in his cup a moment, then looks at her.

"I'm not sure how we actually get to know each other at this point. How does that work?" He's really asking.

From:

talesuntold

"I would, although I'm doing my best to avoid being wolf-shaped while angry until I'm more used to things." She wants to be sure she can trust her own restraint.

She laughs softly at the question. "I mean, there's a few paths for that. Surface getting to know you sorts of conversations and shared activities are the slower option. Diving straight into views on emotional situations or topics is a speed run, provided we're both willing to accept the premise that we're coming at the conversation in good faith. Pack stuff, for instance."

And of course, "If you decide later that you want an actual primer to what it's like in my head, my blog with the unpublished entries included is one, but that's both one sided and too much like a homework assignment to shove at anyone unprompted."

From:

abrightboy

“I don’t think I need to go as far as immersion,” Malcolm admits. “But I also don’t have much patience for slow. So. I guess the middle one.”

From:

talesuntold

Maggie grins. "I figured that would be your answer."

But she'll sober as she settles more comfortably, considering where to jump in. "Anywhere you want to start, or should I?"

From:

abrightboy

“You’re the journalist; I should probably let you start the question… thing,” Malcolm tells her.

From:

talesuntold

"I've got lots of pack feelings and opinions. To start with, I'll tell you that none of these are a secret to Lark. I wouldn't say anything behind his back that I'm not willing to bring up with him directly."

She purses her lips, then says, "I had it out with him after he showed up over poor contingency planning on multiple fronts. One of those fronts, although not the one I took personally, was you. I think he did you a disservice, not taking into account the possibility of vanishing and making sure you were willing to turn to Iris for questions and support. That you had pack besides him, and maybe guidelines left behind just in case. I feel very strongly that part of taking care of your people is making sure they'll be okay if you're removed from the picture. Because there's always a chance. And you deserved better."

Edited Date: 11 Jan 2024 04:32 (UTC)

From:

abrightboy

He frowns faintly, but it’s in thought. Lark wasn’t supposed to leave and he’s training Malcolm now. There’s also the departure of Francis Crozier muddying the emotional water; Lark’s role as a ~~dad~~ mentor is more prominent now.

“There can’t… be a manual for everything. I didn’t take to it naturally. I guess Sweeney could tell you. I was more like a baby deer with wobbly legs than a pup. Will helped me get them under me more than anyone.” He starts to say something else, then stops himself. He looks at the counter, then up at Maggie. “You’re not going to go crusading to anyone about anything I say here? No matter what?”

From:

talesuntold

She shakes her head. "No. Not if you ask me not to. Just ask Sweeney. He's seen more impotent rage from me than anyone, every time someone hurts him and he tells me not to intervene."

From:

abrightboy

He studies her for a moment, then looks at the counter again.

“I wanted to turn Will.”

From:

talesuntold

"I can guess at some of Iris's reasons for doing it herself," even though she and Iris have never explicitly discussed it. "But I can also understand why you wanted to. Did you tell anyone you wanted it, beforehand?"

From:

abrightboy

He shrugs a shoulder. “When Will and I talked about ‘when he turned’, we always assumed it would happen after I was allowed to turn people. And then one day it was suddenly happening ‘today’ and I just.. thought it was important to be a good… pack player.” He looks up. “Why would anyone assume I wouldn’t want to?” he says with sudden sharpness, though it’s not directed at her and, hearing it, he looks at the counter again.

From:

talesuntold

"I'm not Iris. So I can't say for sure. But my instinct says that you and Will were... already an insular unit. And tying him, and both of you, into the broader pack as opposed to further tying him to you alone might have been important."

But that isn't the question he asked. "I don't know. I'd like to, but I'd be okay with someone else turning my loved ones, as long as I could be there when it happened and have a pack connection to them after. As long as I could feel like a part of it. It wouldn't have to be me. And in fact, couldn't be me until I have a deal to take care of my virus, so it's a good thing I wouldn't mind. That urge, or the strength of it, aren't universal, and it's not safe to assume that everyone knows what's in your head."

From:

abrightboy

"Don't tell her. There's no point to telling her now."

First things first.

He pauses, then looks up. "Will and I aren't insular on purpose, you know. We'd both love to have lots of friends we could count on. A big social circle of welcoming arms. We just don't have that. People just don't take to us like that." He considers her again for a moment. "Iris turned you. That seemed important to you. That connection. That it was her. Would you have been just as happy if Lark did it?"

Not to say Will isn't happy. He isn't Malcolm; he would have said something.

From:

talesuntold

"I'm not going to tell her."

And regarding Lark, "No, because I don't trust Lark yet. I don't feel safe with him. When Iris left the pack, I felt like I was being left on my own to make sure he doesn't fall back into the same habits I was angry with him for in the first place. That you and Will will be safe. I felt like I was losing something desperately important to me, and a part of me wanted to go with her, but I also felt protective of the two of you. And I need information I can only get from Lark, because it turns out there were important things he kept from Iris, so neither of us made a fully informed decision when she turned me. Trusting Lark definitely isn't going to happen overnight."

From:

abrightboy

"What if he was here when things happened and declared that you could be turned but he was doing it? Would you have gone through with it? Stopped it?" Malcolm asks. He tilts his head slightly. Before letting her answer, he adds "I know I didn't speak up, but nobody exactly asked me how I felt, either. It's a reason why I thought keeping my snoot shut and showing up as directed were the expected conduct. And maybe it is the expected conduct. Maybe I'm the only one who cares what the expected conduct is; I don't know. I'm just saying, Iris has been kind to me - very kind; I love and respect her a lot - but she didn't give me any more agency or consideration than Lark when it comes to this. So it's six of one, half a dozen of the other for me. When Lark invited me to join the pack, he gave me lots of time and space to think about it and talk to my friends and reflect on what it meant and what I wanted. He didn't disappear to abandon me when I needed him the most, but he also did disappear when I needed him the most. I have a lot of feelings and none of them are coherent. They just... jumble around in there. But I do know that... Will glowed like Iris for a while after she turned him, every time he transformed, and I didn't know if we were even the same thing as each other and I didn't have anyone I could ask."

From:

talesuntold

"I mean... he couldn't. Not safely, not with my virus involved. It would have meant waiting till I have a deal. I'm a science experiment. He doesn't have the scientific skills to do it, and Iris's blood worked better than his because she's different. He could have used her blood, been the one to inject it, I suppose."

Maggie purses her lips. "But he probably wouldn't have offered. Because I'm a woman. And there are complicated gendered pack dynamics that apply to any human woman who's turned. He never told Iris, because she's something different. Which I thought showed a stunning lack of foresight; he told me it never occurred to him that she might turn anyone someday. I wasn't angry on my own behalf; he didn't owe me anything. But I still believe Iris deserved honesty and candor."

From:

abrightboy

"I think the... working relationship between Iris and Lark is complicated and fraught and nothing I want to get in the middle of. Did you talk to Iris about that situation between them or just Lark?" Malcolm asks.

From:

talesuntold

"Lark first, because I got ambushed by 'one woman per pack, and if you sleep with any male wolves, they'll be beholden and bound to you in ways that compromise their future autonomy and ability to consent to situations.'" Which, you know, was a fun revelation. "So I kind of fell into the middle. And I'm really fucking glad the pack configuration here didn't leave any of us finding that out the hard way."

From:

abrightboy

"When he got back, Lark did say it was a consideration when he offered to turn me. That I'm in a monogamous relationship with a man," Malcolm admits. "If it was something less... permanent, there might be cause for concern, but I'm with Will now." He makes a bit of a face. "So it's a change from people finding that the concerning thing."

From:

talesuntold

"I think it's partly that I'm a journalist. I feel super strongly about the importance of truth and the fact that when you try too hard to control the flow of information, especially when you keep it from your own team, you leave them open to blundering into danger. Pack is too important for that." You contingency plan and share information to protect people. Period.

But she's going to switch gears and focus in on the last thing Malcolm said instead of lingering there. Maggie tilts her head. "You been taking a lot of shit for your relationship?"