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[abrightboy]

This is Bright. Leave a message.

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[abrightboy]

“Do you want to give up the cats?” Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

“I have no idea.” Another kitten drops into their lap, and they switch to telepathy. ::I would rather not keep them in my cabin. The lounge can take better care of them than I could.:: This time, nothing appears.

[abrightboy]

“Have you considered keeping one? How does that idea make you feel?” Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

::Taking care of one would be something to do,:: Avalon says, ::and touching them feels nice.:: Touching most living beings seems to feel nice.

[abrightboy]

“It might be helpful to you to have the chance to develop affection for a living being,” Malcolm observes. An eyeball plonks onto the desk. Malcolm absently puts it in the bowl.

[chaos_drifter]

Avalon strokes the kitten in their lap. ::What do you consider affection? Does friendship fall into that category?:: They know their relationship with Rawne is something more than just being permanently paired, but they are still trying to figure out exactly what it is. ::If you can respond to me in your mind, you may be able to avoid producing more eyeballs,:: they add.

[abrightboy]

“The eyeballs don’t bother me,” Malcolm tells him. “And yes. Friendship is a form of affection. Why do you ask?”

[chaos_drifter]

::My Warden is something like a friend to me. I wondered if I was already experiencing affection for someone.:: It may not be particularly strong, but it is something. They pull out their orb. Pink and yellow mix together in the center of it, like lying at the bottom of a pool and watching light hit the surface. The colors are surrounded by black, but separate from it. They had thought that color combination represented something like affection or empathy. They nod and put the orb back into their pouch as the kitten in their lap reaches for it. Her claws graze their skin, but not enough to draw blood. They adjust her position, tucking her paws under her and away from their hand.

[abrightboy]

"It sounds like you are. Can you describe anything that you feel when you think of him?" Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

::I feel like we understand each other. It seems easier to think of him as a person instead of a potential victim or a source of answers.:: They hesitate, trying to focus on their body. ::Physically, I feel lighter or warmer than I do when my body is in a neutral state. Sometimes my chest feels hollow or numb, and like my sense of touch is focused more on my heart.::

[abrightboy]

"That definitely sounds like affection," Malcolm concedes. "A pretty strong case."

[chaos_drifter]

::What makes it affection instead of empathy?:: They pull out their orb and glance at it. Green swirls with yellow on its surface, rather than the pink they had expected to see.

[abrightboy]

That warm feeling in your chest.

[chaos_drifter]

::I see.:: They put the orb away. ::It does feel stronger than most of my other emotions, like a connection. I think I like it.:: They like feeling understood, as if having someone else’s understanding of something that they are makes that piece of themself more real.

[abrightboy]

"It's the best feeling there is. If you're only going to have one, that's the one to have," Malcolm tells him, little red paper hearts fluttering onto the desk like so much confetti.

[chaos_drifter]

::I have noticed others, but I think this is one of the stronger ones.::

[abrightboy]

“It’ll probably come with others. Can you imagine how you would feel if something threatened him?” Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

“I would want to help, if I could.” They had felt that desire when the Barge crashed, and had acted on it. “I have no idea what I would feel. My body’s reactions are sporadic.” A bracelet manifests near their mouth, a leather band with a black oval-shaped stone.

[abrightboy]

"What if you weren't able to help and he was harmed?" Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

They hesitate, turning the bracelet over in their hands. It looks familiar, but they have no idea where they might have seen it. The cat in their lap rolls over and reaches for it, hooking her claws around the band. She pulls the bracelet towards her.

Not lost. Not guilty. Not sad. Not empty, or at least no emptier than usual. Nothing like the desperation they had sensed from Adam when they tried to kill his friend. They might be capable of feeling that, but the idea of Rawne being hurt does not make them feel anything that seems like it should penetrate them as Adam’s desperation had.

“I would feel disconnected.”

[abrightboy]

“Is that positive or negative?” Malcolm probes.

[chaos_drifter]

“More negative than positive, and more neutral than negative.” They pull a pen out of their pocket and one of the blank journals out of the bucket at their feet. They toss the bracelet towards the other end of the couch, and the cat follows it.

They sketch a set of x- and y-axes inside the front cover of the journal, labeling the ends of the x-axis “positive” and “negative”, and the ends of the y-axis “high energy” and “low energy.” Then they draw a circle near the center of the bottom left quadrant, close to the y-axis.

They turn the page towards Malcolm. “Like this.”

[abrightboy]

"How far along the y axis have you felt anything?" Malcolm asks.

[chaos_drifter]

“Not very far.” They mark a point just above the origin.

[abrightboy]

“So… by your baseline, your feelings about Rawne are pretty intense,” Malcolm surmises.