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[abrightboy]

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Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

"And that's what we're going to find here," Will assures him. "Who you are, and who you want be. How we get you there is of little concern, once you know."

He stops being so 'wise sage'-ey, instead letting out a bitter laugh. "And the idea of people trying to make you 'socially palatable' on the Barge is ridiculous. There's no society here to be socially acceptable for. Not one that lasts more than six months or so, anyway. And we won't have a society when we leave, either. Just the two of us, being weirdos in other people's backyards."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looks at his plate again, but this time he’s smiling. He looks at Will from under his brow. “It makes me so happy, every time I think about it.”

He pops the second half of the second bite in his mouth.

“Shaw doesn’t call it socially palatable. She calls it ‘less annoying’.” A beat. “I mean… she’s not the first person to find me annoying.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will's return smile is bright and almost shy. He'll always want more confirmations that Malcolm wants to do the same things he does- even if he's sure that's the case, now. It's nice to hear it. It's divine to know how much Malcolm means it.

"Yeah, well...Jesus is hardly the first person I've had 'disappointed' in me for vague reasons. And he won't be the last either. But it doesn't matter. We'll work it out with the people we care about, and not spend our energy on those that we don't."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“Yeah, and… you know what? Any time that someone ever finds you disappointing? I still love you, you know,” Malcolm tells him.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will laughs and leans towards Malcolm, in search of a kiss. Either the side of the head or the lips (or hell, even the nose) will do. "I know you will. And you're the important one," he says, with total earnestness.

"God, I missed you," he adds. "And I missed talks like this- or well, usually a little less specifically oriented on us, but still." Will, he was gone for two days.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm meets that kiss and returns it. It was two days and also five days and also forever.

People haven’t, typically, missed him. They sure don’t miss him talking.

What Will says makes him beam.

His expression turns almost shy. “Maybe…. the rest of today is for just you and me,” he proposes.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Well, maybe a little neediness is all right, now that everything has turned out fine and they're back together again. Will does like watching Malcolm light up like the sun.

"Maybe it is," he replies, eyes sliding halfway shut as his smile widens. "We've got a lot to celebrate, don't we? 'This is a day of new beginnings, to taste and share what love can do.'" He's teasing a bit now, leaning forward as if open for another kiss- but not far enough to take it on his own.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's smile widens and he closes the distance to claim that kiss, then pulls back enough to look at his face.

"Love has done a lot for me. I didn't even know I had this me in me. And I... really like being this me, learning what he's capable of.... what he wants.... what he doesn't want. It's like the world is in colour for the first time."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will watches Malcolm with quiet content, reaching for one of Malcolm's hands to encase it with both of his own. He knows exactly what that feels like, the world suddenly being in colour.

"You'll get used to being that version of you all the time, soon. Even if there is always more to learn. You'll be truly free to learn it."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Will’s hands are so warm in every sense of the word.

“Free from… context. Free from other people’s expectations.” He looks at their hands, then back to Will’s face. “Thank you. For that. You gave me that.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

"You were willing to take it," Will replies, simply.

He gently squeezes Malcolm's hand and slowly rubs his finger pads over the knuckles. "A lot of people would prefer the expectations. I've never entirely understood that." Maybe because it didn't seem like such an impossible task to 'ordinary' people?

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“I guess expectations help people fit in,” Malcolm muses. “But then… what about people like us who don’t fit in no matter what we do? Then they just become a burden. A weight to carry…” He’s watching Will’s fingers brush over his knuckles, then, suddenly sits up a little straighter, grabbing for his phone with his free hand.

“Your hand!”

He swipes his phone open and pulls up his pictures, swiping through them.

“I didn’t show you where I buried it. Look. Here.” He hands the phone over. “Under the cherry tree. It was in bloom!”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will nearly waxes poetic about how it's a burden for anyone, but Malcolm realizes something.

Will lets Malcolm's tangents run, with the small exception of when he's stuck in an anxiety loop. They're always interesting and now is no different. Will takes the phone and stares, flicking between a few photos. He smiles.

"It's picture perfect. A fitting tribute to all the work its done for me over the past forty-three years. The flowers symbolize the...beauty and impermanence of life." He glances back up to Malcolm, smile widening. "You probably already know that, huh? You were lucky to see them in person."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm smiles. "Life and death, beauty and violence. That's what Kiryu told me," he replies. "And those things existing together in a sort of natural balance and harmony... that's you."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

A small, pleased chuckle escapes Will at Malcolm's description, and what Kiryu had mentioned. He's practically preening at the praise.

"You know, Hannibal set up a tableau involving a cherry blossom tree - he attached one of his victims to it. I suspect he was purely interested in the aesthetics of it, though." Will continues flipping through pictures, although he'll hand the phone back if Malcolm looks like he wants it. "I only did ever get to see one picture of that one- I was incarcerated at the time."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

"Some people are all style and no substance," Malcolm says, content to leave the phone with Will. If he keeps flipping pictures, he'll find pictures of Kiryu and Trixie and their new baby. A beat and he relents. "I don't actually know that about him; I don't actually know much about him beyond his... proclivities. Though, as my father likes to say, even a broken psyche is right twice a day."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will continues to flip, stopping on the first picture of Kiryu and his family. It's something Kiryu has deserved for a long time- no matter how Will feels about Trixie (and that's an old and petty grudge that likely no one has noticed).

He remembers Abigail. He remembers the thought of being a father, even if he'd been basically tricked into being a sperm donor. He puts that thought away and goes back to the flowers. They really are beautiful.

The joke gets an amused laugh out of Will. "I could tell you more about him, if you'd like," Will offers. He looks up at Malcolm with a wry smile. "I didn't...want to be that person, who goes on about their toxic ex. But also- I didn't want to worry you. Might be useful if he ever shows up here, though."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“Well. Objectively I know he can’t have been all bad. And I know the thing you worry the most about if he shows up is him killing me. Or trying to. Possibly being relentless about it. That… is not the thing I worry the most about happening if he shows up. And I think you know that. So… I can see how telling me positive things about him has seemed like… not the best idea. But… the things you liked about him? Are basically… things about you. And I’m interested in all the things about you. Even if the information doesn’t make me feel less like being the one to punt him off his next cliff,” Malcolm explains warmly.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will's snort of amusement is slightly more anxious now. But just slightly. "Punt him off as many cliffs as you want. I still don't know if I'd want to kill him or protect him half the time. Or protect him so I can kill him....again."

He finally hands Malcolm his phone back, with a small grateful smile. "He was infuriatingly good at everything, actually. One of those people you hear about in magazines that you just know has something wrong with them that they keep hidden." And Hannibal was just really good at hiding. "He had feelings, interests...but he buried the first and displayed the second. Instead, he based his values on...aesthetics. It was how he thought God would value His world."

Will runs a hand back through his hair, the messy curls unkempt from his moping around without Malcolm around. "The cherry blossom man- he was a Baltimore councilman. His lungs were removed and his chest cavity was filled with poisonous and narcotic flowers. The branches of tree were surgically inserted into the man's torso. It was Hannibal's first kill as the Chesapeake Ripper after I made it clear that I knew what he was. He was starting up the game again."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

Malcolm likes the unkempt curls. He likes Will being in his space and not feeling the need to make himself presentable. He likes being privy to Will’s most authentic self. It feels like a privilege.

“Is that what you liked about him, though?” Malcolm asks, now completely serious.

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will rubs his chin and shakes his head, but he does give Malcolm a small smile. Good catch. "It's somewhat related, but- no, not really. I appreciated how clever he was- of course, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm drawn towards clever people."

His smile widens and then he looks down. It would not help to get too distracted right now. "What struck me about all his murders, all his actions, even our discussions- he is a man free of shame. The closest he got- when he wasn't lying through his teeth- was telling me that his compassion for me was 'inconvenient.' He was...unshackled from the rest of society when he was young, unlike most early monsters. It was that freedom I envied. The freedom I railed against." The freedom he wants to give to Malcolm.

"He eyes all works of art as an outsider, almost like another intelligent species would. He finds joy in all of it, and I...envy the passion he has for it, sometimes. Just like I envy your passion for all the things I ran away from, because it labelled me a creep in my world. You never got cynical about the job, like I did." And yes, part of that was the difference in their past traumas, but it's still something Will finds extremely admirable. "You've been helping me enjoy working through the puzzles again."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“All psychopaths are shameless,” Malcolm notes, though not arrogantly, as though he thinks it’s something Will doesn’t know. “Some of them are charming about it.” First hand experience they both have. “You know… you don’t ever have to… to avoid telling me you want to do something in particular, just because it’s something he would have enjoyed. I’m not saying you have, I just… want you to know. For the future, too.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

Will smirks a little at Malcolm's note about psychopaths, nodding. His eyebrow goes up at the following statement, though.

He looks at Malcolm, then looks into himself, thinking over the idea. "No...I don't think I have avoided any of that. The moment I told you about my plans post-graduation, that was...the end of me hiding my intentions from you. I still get a thrill every time you're excited about traveling with me, you know."

He taps his chin thoughtfully. "The only thing I will say now, that I don't think I've addressed with you before...I don't think Hannibal is a true psychopath. They don't enjoy things the same way most people do, they feel compulsions to follow. They imitate feelings. Hannibal drenches himself in them, not always touched, but always willing to touch them. He wasn't too scared to give himself over to me, be vulnerable with me. That means...there was something left to be vulnerable with." Will licks his lips. "You can disagree with me, obviously. You've had the...opposite sort of experience, from everything I can tell. But I do think Hannibal's a unique sort of monster."

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[abrightboy]

“I know a lot of people probably told you that you were too close to see things clearly, but… you’re close to me and you see me very clearly. I’m not going to dispute what you personally observed. I did feel like… I mean, without even knowing that, I got the sense there was…. something different. You’ve worked with killers as much as I have. You’re not… blind to what they are. That’s why I thought….” He pauses. “Before, when I asked, that was why I thought maybe you found being with him more exciting than being with me.”

Re: During Malcolm's Japan Trip

[empathicfault]

A chuckle escapes Will before he has the chance to rein it in. "Yeah, so exciting I had to end both our lives..." He murmurs, shaking his head.

He clears his throat before continuing. "Yeah, I- I definitely can't blame you for the worry. But...and this is going to sound weird- or possibly crazy, but- in you, I see some of the best parts of him. The parts that clung to me when I was disgusted with the rest." He looks up, staring into Malcolm's eyes. "I know you feel like you have things to learn, mountains of achievement and acceptance to climb, and so maybe you won't understand, but...your love for humanity- and not just the things humanity has created- that's real. It's amazing. And it's exciting. And what we've got planned is exciting. We'll learn so much about ourselves and each other. And, presumably, I won't have to kill us both after any revelations."

He smiles a little, hoping at least some of that got through- ready to explain, however, if it didn't.