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[abrightboy]

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[empathicfault]

Will stops moving again, listening quietly as Malcolm explains. And yes, that he can understand. Will was frequently in the position of not wanting to give the monster more leverage. And Will's never had any siblings, but he can understand not wanting one to be all gung-ho about murder. He nods vaguely in agreement.

He's still sorting through all of it when Malcolm asks Will about going off the rails, and it takes him a moment to even realize what's being asked. When he does, he lets out a snort of a laugh. "There was no single one moment. Hannibal was careful. It was a series of compromises, if anything. I should've gotten off the ride at the start."

His head tilts to the side as he recalls the Hobbs family house. "It started with the first case we were on together. He called to warn the killer, just before we headed over to ask some questions. It was- you know, I got thrown off the force for not using lethal force when necessary? But-" He takes a deep breath in. "When we made it to the house, the killer was holding his daughter hostage, and he slit her throat, and I had my gun in my hand, and- I took the shot. I saved her life, that's how people put it." He sort of grimaces. "It just kept sliding downhill from there."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm gives him a small, sympathetic smile.

"I've never used lethal force," he confesses. "They call me reckless."

[empathicfault]

Will's smile in return is a little lost. "Well, keep it up. It might've been that day that sealed my fate."

He closed his eyes and sighs for a moment, rubbing his hands together as if cold. "The Mason Verger incident was about halfway through. I tried to kill Hannibal a number of times after that, thinking that would purge me of the desire afterwards. But- it just settled it in further. Like a stray I'd been feeding, it stuck around. Obvious, really."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm had always felt like, if he started down that path, it would consume him.

“Well. Until the very end. I still don’t know if my father survived the stabbing.”

[empathicfault]

"And you haven't gone back, because time will resume and you'll know, then. Right?"

He's not trying to be accusatory, it's just how he would've handled it. "You could...make it a part of your Warden Deal. To make sure your father survives." To try and save himself, if nothing else.

[abrightboy]

"I promised my deal to my inmate," Malcolm tells him. "And I'm not sure I would..." He trails off. "It seems like a waste of a miracle to skate away from the consequences of my actions. To... use something that could help people to save a bad man from the consequences of his actions."

[empathicfault]

Will blinks, because he didn't know it was possible to give away one's Deal. But if it's theirs, he supposes the wardens can do whatever they want with it. That's good to know.

Will immediately knows what he'd do with such a miracle, but shoves that away for now.

He nods at Malcolm's response- it's very reasonable. Still-- "What if it's not about him? What if it's more about saving you? And...saving people from you?"

[abrightboy]

"I've always seen my purpose as... saving other people." Malcolm looks down at his book, at his pencil as it taps against the page. "If I stay here I can help people without facing... all of that. And... if at some point I'm ready for it... I can go back to that moment."

[empathicfault]

"That's...that's really good reasoning, actually," Will replies. "I don't know what you're going to encounter here, but it probably won't include him. Sometimes, removing yourself from the situation is the smartest thing to do, and you've got that option. So why not take it?"

Will's kind of impressed, actually. "Has that been working out for you so far?"

[abrightboy]

"...Yeah. As long as I keep working and don't let myself get in my head too much, it's going well. I still have access to my medication and I'm able to keep up my morning routine and I have a meaningful job to do. ...It's not my first choice of career, but... maybe it was time for a change." He looks at Will. "I think it helps to have a job beyond just the... inmate/warden interaction. Have you chosen one here yet?"

[empathicfault]

"Not really. Just been doing custodial so far. I might start looking into something else, but-" He gives Malcolm an exaggerated shrug. "I'm okay just helping out where I can for awhile. Oh, and Shaw's training me for patrols, since she can't sit still, either. Guess that's not just us, although she is a little less murder-centric than we are."

[abrightboy]

“I’m not sure she’d agree. She wanted to test my lethality but I wouldn’t attack first and she got mad at me,” he says, but his expression and tone suggest fondness.

[empathicfault]

"Your lethality?" He raises his eyebrows, although he sounds amused. "Okay, maybe I was wrong. Did she know that's a sore spot for you, or- how did that even come up?"

[abrightboy]

“I… can’t really discuss her reasons; it had to do with counselling she asked for. But she didn’t believe I could defend myself. Which.” He shrugs. “I get it. I’m small; I talk a lot.”

[empathicfault]

"Oh." He nods. They've talked about so much here, but there are some confidentiality concerns to worry about. "I mean, I know you get underestimated, but talking a lot doesn't mean you can't fight." If that were true, he would've beaten Hannibal a few times over.

"Does she believe you can defend yourself now?"

[abrightboy]

“I don’t know,” Malcolm admits. “Sometimes we really get along and sometimes she doesn’t believe anything I say.”

[empathicfault]

"Huh," Will replies, then shakes his head. "That's usually my problem. Which really didn't work great as a profiler, sometimes."

He rubs at his face. He doesn't want to ask more questions about Shaw's therapy- well, he does, but that wouldn't be a good idea right now. "If I had to guess, I'd say your energy levels don't line up sometimes. But if she's still talking to you, she trusts you on what she's asking your help for."

[abrightboy]

“Oh. Yeah. I’m… not helping her anymore. She doesn’t like my methods. She did like my weapons collection, though. We’re supposed to spar at the gym,” Malcolm tells him.

[empathicfault]

Oh. Whoops.

Will looks away, suitably awkward before he looks down at Malcolm's desk. "Well, it's not a total loss, then. Maybe she's just not ready for something more formal. People get weird about therapists, I don't know if you've noticed." The smirk is probably less effective, as it is focused down on the desk between them.

[abrightboy]

"People also get weird about me, so... six of one, half a dozen of the other," Malcolm says, watching him. "I left the door open, in case she changes her mind." About that or... anything. "Was he the only therapist you'd been to before now?"

[empathicfault]

Will's eyes immediately look up to find Malcolm's, and his pupils dilate very slightly as they fix on the man in front of him.

"Who, Hannibal?" Will asks. He shakes his head. "Hardly. Been going to them since I was ten. Gave up around twenty-five or so? And then tried a couple times after that. It never worked out. Hannibal was sort of...sprung on me, by the FBI."

His fingers lace, then unlace. "He was definitely the only one I got close to, I'll say that. The only one I really trusted."

[abrightboy]

“I’m sorry that person had to end up being abusive. I probably would have quit if not for Gabrielle. I mean, sometimes I take… extended breaks and sometimes she tries to get me to look into a more age appropriate therapist but… I wouldn’t see anyone if she made me, so…” He shrugs.

[empathicfault]

"I'm glad she hasn't succeeded in making you," replies Will, with a wistful smile on his face. It was important to hold onto those people that were there for you.

Although what would Will know about that, really? When he tries to think of who that might be- he can only think of Hannibal. And he knows- he knows that some of that is the fact that Hannibal drove everyone else away. He knows Molly's still out there somewhere, broken down but she'd probably try for him, if he survived. But he can't see a future there.

He frowns briefly, then takes a bit of a breath and asks, "Malcolm, do you know anything about 'psychic driving'?"

[abrightboy]

“It’s a discredited psychotherapy procedure from the 50’s that’s basically considered torture now, which involved using various questionable methods including ECT and psychedelic drugs to break down a person’s mental state so that their personality could be altered or even rebuilt… it basically only did the first thing. None of its victims were ever known to have successfully rehabilitated in the manner it was supposed to have been designed for,” Malcolm says. He pauses, then carefully asks “…Is that what he was doing to you?”

[empathicfault]

Will opens his mouth, then shuts it without replying. He nods his head and sighs. "It was during the encephalitis. Maybe cooking my brain made it easier to reshape."

He's clearly hesitating to say anything else, but eventually he sets his jaw and says, "We had known he was using it to convince me that I was responsible for his murders. But...I would like to know. If my feelings for him are related." His throat works at 'feelings', as if he's practically choking out the word.