No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

Raylan glanced up at the elaboration, turning back to Willa to finish getting the peas into her. "Better that than bein' mad about me gettin' shot, so I'm not sure I get to complain."

Nor would he if he did have that leeway. Raylan wasn't that type.

"We all justify bein' mad differently." Winona just happened to be wrong on some of them.

[abrightboy]

"Raylan.... how does she usually react to you seeing someone when you two are broken up?" Malcolm asked. "I assume there have been women when she wasn't around. I assume she's known about at least some of them."

[tinstar]

"I'm not defending what she said, Malcolm," he noted with a look as he stood up to go throw away the jar and wash off the baby spoon for the next course as he continued. "But I didn't see her for years after our divorce. Only woman she ever knew I was with, face to face, was Ava Crowder."

They hadn't talked about it yet; Raylan hadn't mentioned how he'd complicated his relationships in Harlan or his work in getting Boyd, but all that was long behind him now. Or at least it felt that way.

"She helped me out once by keeping Ava one night; she'd gotten drunk and was tauntin' some ugly men." And he wasn't talking about their faces. "Ava was taken with less.. surprise. There's a comradery of sorts there though - both country women, both saddled with me at some point." Both without him.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded. "....So you were talking to Winona while you were seeing Ava, though," he clarified.

[tinstar]

"Kinda hard not to when we're workin' in the same courthouse." Raylan glanced over, almost guiltily as he popped the top to Willa's second jar. "Though I suppose I ought to tell you why Ava and I broke up. Winona came into my motel room one night, took off her ring and joined me in bed. Ava saw her come in and leave shortly after. We never really talked about it, them and I."

[abrightboy]

"She just... walked in and staked her territory," Malcolm pointed out, raising his eyebrows slightly. "I wish I could say that surprises me, but... that's exactly the sort of thing I was expecting. Remember when I suggested she was your backup plan for if you couldn't take... the pressure of this?" He held up his hands to preempt any jaw clenching or protest. "I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I know you don't have a backup, it's just... this was a hard dynamic to figure out, you and her, with the way you talk about her. But here's the thing: she's not your backup. But you're hers. She knew how to compete with Ava. I'm a monkeywrench in her proven formula. She doesn't know what to do about me. But she'll try to figure it out, once she gets past the whole... wrong genitals issue. I am not trying to be difficult about her, Raylan. I don't think she's going to swoop in and take you away from me. But I do think she's a bit petty and I want you to hear me right now: please, please take legal steps to protect your visitation rights to Willa before it gets to the point where it would be a court battle. Winona is not done staking her territory."

[tinstar]

Raylan was, honestly, a little surprised that Malcolm didn't turn any of it back on him. There was nothing to be done about it now, sure but Raylan knew he had to play some part. There was no jaw clenching or protest, effectively paused by Malcolm's gesturing hands, but his eyes narrowed a little at Malcolm's hypothesis.

He'd seen her, right? Winona Hawkings was not an unattractive woman. She could have anyone in the state, if she put her mind to it. Except him, now. Raylan was her backup for trouble... And her relationship with Gary.. And her relationship with him, directly, too. He frowned a little as he fiddled with the spoon, Willa next to him cooing with self discovery as a fat little hand reached out at him.

Raylan focused on getting the next spoonful into Willa's mouth for the moment.

"I'll look into it, like I said I would." Sooner or later. If she didn't lighten up, maybe. Whatever he said now though, it wasn't happening tonight and would kick around in his head until he made it happen.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm had seen Winona. She was, objectively, beautiful, sexy and smart. She was also the kind of spider that knew when it had something caught in its web.

Cunning was a type of smart.

"She doesn't think you love me, Raylan. She thinks you're acting out. That's how she's going to play it for now. If she finds out otherwise... it might get worse." He paused. "After you guys divorced... has she ever been interested in getting back together with you when you haven't been with someone else?"

[tinstar]

Yeah, she'd made that painfully clear. Late Life Crisis was a low blow, even in his book.

Turning back to his plate, Raylan lamely stabbed at his food. "After she left me, after she was pregnant, no - not really. But I wasn't in any real relationships then. Might have had a one night stand or two," he admitted with a bob of his head. "But my little black book isn't as big or as populated as most people think."

[abrightboy]

"Raylan, you realize she left a marriage to come between you and a girl you were only kind of into," Malcolm spelled out. "She doesn't want to be with you. But she does want to know that she has you when she wants you." Malcolm's face softened a little. "She's not going to take this well and it has nothing to do with her Catholic mother and a social crisis. That's an excuse. It has to do with her perception of her hold on you and right now her big crisis is wondering whether she still has sex as a tool to exercise it."

[tinstar]

"No, she left her marriage because Gary is a sad sack of spinless shit who put a mortgage on their house to finance a racing horse after almost getting them both killed by the Dixie Mafia. But I take your point."

The bite didn't make it into his mouth, just getting moved around his barely touched plate.

"Just.. Let me talk to her. No sex included." Obviously.. He hoped that was obvious, anyway. "Her mother is gonna have a conniption fit though."

[abrightboy]

"I can't say I really understand why her mother gets to have an opinion on our relationship, but okay," Malcolm replied. He looked at Raylan's plate. "I shouldn't have said anything at dinner. I've eaten more than you have." He gestured to his plate with his fork. "And it's good," he assured him, if eating a good ten bites or so wasn't assurance enough. And he ate another for good measure. Then he looked at Raylan. "I'd be willing to bet you a hundred dollars that she tries to have sex with you," Malcolm said plainly. "And that, when you turn her down, she suggests you're sick or broken in some way."

[tinstar]

"By virtue of being Willa's Grandmother and Winona's mother. We're all allowed opinions by and large." But Malcolm was off noticing how little he'd eaten and it prompted him to put a bite into his mouth. Feeding Willa made it hard for him to focus on his own meal, otherwise he would be further along.

His jaw tightened a little as Malcolm kept at it and he leveled a look over the table.

"And what do you suggest against that?" He didn't know either, but he wasn't saying no to collecting possibilities.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm couldn't help it. Malcolm was Malcolm as much as Winona was Winona and Raylan was Raylan.

"There's nothing to be done against it," he said matter-of-factly. "But if I'm wrong, then I don't understand what she is and I'll come over to your 'she's not like that' side. But, if I'm right on both counts, then I read her like a book and you listen to me about her intentions before it's too late," he suggested. "Because you don't want to believe it. And I understand why. But she can hurt you if she feels compelled and I can't just sit here and shut up and allow it."

[tinstar]

"Then let me handle it," he said, eyes sharpening a little with the statement. "I was married to the woman for 6 years and managed to stand up to her, I think I can manage for Willa's lifetime too. Don't tell me I don't know her, or what she's capable of." He took a breath and tried a less tight tone of voice. "You made your point."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded and set his fork down, suitably chastened. He'd overstepped.

It was not his first time.

It wasn't even his first time with Raylan.

He looked at the table as he took a breath, then looked at Raylan. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe being trivialized by Winona in the same way his mother trivialized his job triggered something. He bristled at his greatest passions being treated like silly infatuations past due to pass. "I shouldn't have said anything."

[tinstar]

"Stop it," Raylan continued. "You already know that I want you in this with me. I am not telling you to stop speaking up. She attacked you too. I just can't do anything else about it tonight and you're starting to hit a circle."

Malcolm had already 'won', even though the profiler wouldn't take it as one, no matter what Raylan did.

"I know she poses a danger. I am hopin' to mitigate that and move things more my way. Papers in my back pocket might help, if I need it."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm considered that and nodded.

"Okay," he said, internalizing the feedback. It wasn't not his business, as he'd feared; he was just too relentless. He didn't catch all the cues that Raylan had internalized his advice. In his defence, Raylan was more inscrutable than a lot of people.

He watched Raylan's face for a moment. "I can get her cleaned up if you want to get some of that food in you," he said, tilting his head towards Willa.

[tinstar]

Unfortunately, 'I'll look into it' was about as solid an answer as Raylan sometimes gave and those that knew him best knew what it meant. He'd get it done. Eventually. But he wasn't wrong; Raylan was a hard man to read sometimes. A lot of the time.

"I would like to get more than two bites in before I call it quits," he replied with a little lift of his eyebrows. "She doesn't even bite yet, I promise."

[abrightboy]

In some ways, it felt like they'd always known each other. They connected so strongly and so deeply, it was like their souls had always been matched. But they'd really only known each other for less than a year, and sporadically at that. In a lot of ways, they were still learning each other.

And they were both scarred from the people of their past and scared to lose this.

There would be the odd bump.

"It'd be okay if she did," Malcolm admitted, pushing to his feet. "I have a high pain tolerance."

Physical pain, anyway. He stepped around the highchair, but before he unbuckled Willa, he leaned over and buried his face in Raylan's hair for a moment, an arm over his shoulder and across his chest, then he lifted his head to press a gentle kiss to Raylan's temple.

[tinstar]

There was almost a sense of relief about him as Malcolm accepted the settling of the subject without an explosion or the same kind of under the surface resentment he so often saw. He didn't want to fuck this up and lose Malcolm because he was being hard-headed. He'd get the papers, once he asked the questions he needed to.

Raylan had already proven something of a malleable man. He'd do whatever Malcolm wanted, within his own reason, to stay here in his life with him. Not the healthiest, and even Raylan understood that, but he was starting to realize that it wasn't something new. He was more fucked up than he thought. Not a great thought for the otherwise stable man.

There was an audible release of breath as Malcolm embraced him from above, one hand almost hesitantly coming up to grip at his arm with a hint of the desperation he felt inside. He knew Malcolm only spoke up the way he did because he cared and wanted to help take care of Raylan. He couldn't blame him for that; he'd been called relentless before too.

Raylan patted his arm after the squeeze and reluctantly let Malcolm pull away before digging into his meal. He thought his appetite might have left, but once the stress of the conversation was off, it came back with a fury.

[abrightboy]

The bathroom sink was a fair size and it seemed the most ergonomically sound place to try and wash a baby, so he filled it with warm water before unzipping her from her onesie and peeling her out of her diaper and setting her in it, one hand keeping her upright while the other manouevred the baby shampoo bottle he'd dug out of the diaper bag that sat just to the left of his foot.

He talked to her softly as he cleaned her hair and stretched out each little arm and leg, explaining to her the sandskrit roots of the word 'shampoo'.

A diaper was easy to find in the bag and easy enough to put on her once she'd been washed and dried. Malcolm was crouched on the floor, one arm around her, bouncing that knee slightly while he dug through the bag with the other hand looking for a clean onesie.

[tinstar]

Raylan listened to the goings on, chest a little tense with worry and equal amounts warmth, clearing his plate quickly and cleaning up their dishes and Willa's highchair while Malcolm washed her. He couldn't help but ruminate on how much he loved the two souls in the bathroom and how lucky he was to get to have them in his life. Malcolm didn't quite reach the level that Willa did, but that was the way it should be, and Raylan hurt over both of them.

He finished before Malcolm did and crept towards the bathroom to lean on the doorframe and watch his partner do something as basic as dress a baby with an overwhelming sense that he'd had since she was born.

"You look good with her," he commented softly as he stepped forward to squat down and help, pulling a onesie out. "What were you talkin' to her about?" He could make out some of the words but not enough for context.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm huffed a breath of quiet delight, biting his lip as he handed the clean and diapered baby to her father, rather than taking the onesie from him.

"We were using the shampoo, so I was telling her where the word 'shampoo' comes from," he admitted. "Did you get enough to eat?" he asked.

HE'S.. GONNA LOVE THE WAY SHE SAYS 'W'

[tinstar]

Raylan groaned theatrically for Willa's benefit as he took her from Malcolm and stood back up, tossing the onesie over his shoulder. "You remember it all?" he asked the baby with a playful not!pinch of her arm's fat roll.

"Cleared out my whole plate and the rest of your beans," he said, attention on the baby who's hand was literally and figuratively wrapped around his finger. "Cleaned up and set up your playpen too so we can get you off to the sandman, little lady."

Not wanting to lay Willa down on the floor, he headed towards the living room so he could settle on the couch and get her little limbs into her onesie.

"Pour me a scotch please? I think with a little quiet and a little dark, I can get her to relax and lay down without complaint."