No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

"By virtue of being Willa's Grandmother and Winona's mother. We're all allowed opinions by and large." But Malcolm was off noticing how little he'd eaten and it prompted him to put a bite into his mouth. Feeding Willa made it hard for him to focus on his own meal, otherwise he would be further along.

His jaw tightened a little as Malcolm kept at it and he leveled a look over the table.

"And what do you suggest against that?" He didn't know either, but he wasn't saying no to collecting possibilities.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm couldn't help it. Malcolm was Malcolm as much as Winona was Winona and Raylan was Raylan.

"There's nothing to be done against it," he said matter-of-factly. "But if I'm wrong, then I don't understand what she is and I'll come over to your 'she's not like that' side. But, if I'm right on both counts, then I read her like a book and you listen to me about her intentions before it's too late," he suggested. "Because you don't want to believe it. And I understand why. But she can hurt you if she feels compelled and I can't just sit here and shut up and allow it."

[tinstar]

"Then let me handle it," he said, eyes sharpening a little with the statement. "I was married to the woman for 6 years and managed to stand up to her, I think I can manage for Willa's lifetime too. Don't tell me I don't know her, or what she's capable of." He took a breath and tried a less tight tone of voice. "You made your point."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded and set his fork down, suitably chastened. He'd overstepped.

It was not his first time.

It wasn't even his first time with Raylan.

He looked at the table as he took a breath, then looked at Raylan. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe being trivialized by Winona in the same way his mother trivialized his job triggered something. He bristled at his greatest passions being treated like silly infatuations past due to pass. "I shouldn't have said anything."

[tinstar]

"Stop it," Raylan continued. "You already know that I want you in this with me. I am not telling you to stop speaking up. She attacked you too. I just can't do anything else about it tonight and you're starting to hit a circle."

Malcolm had already 'won', even though the profiler wouldn't take it as one, no matter what Raylan did.

"I know she poses a danger. I am hopin' to mitigate that and move things more my way. Papers in my back pocket might help, if I need it."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm considered that and nodded.

"Okay," he said, internalizing the feedback. It wasn't not his business, as he'd feared; he was just too relentless. He didn't catch all the cues that Raylan had internalized his advice. In his defence, Raylan was more inscrutable than a lot of people.

He watched Raylan's face for a moment. "I can get her cleaned up if you want to get some of that food in you," he said, tilting his head towards Willa.

[tinstar]

Unfortunately, 'I'll look into it' was about as solid an answer as Raylan sometimes gave and those that knew him best knew what it meant. He'd get it done. Eventually. But he wasn't wrong; Raylan was a hard man to read sometimes. A lot of the time.

"I would like to get more than two bites in before I call it quits," he replied with a little lift of his eyebrows. "She doesn't even bite yet, I promise."

[abrightboy]

In some ways, it felt like they'd always known each other. They connected so strongly and so deeply, it was like their souls had always been matched. But they'd really only known each other for less than a year, and sporadically at that. In a lot of ways, they were still learning each other.

And they were both scarred from the people of their past and scared to lose this.

There would be the odd bump.

"It'd be okay if she did," Malcolm admitted, pushing to his feet. "I have a high pain tolerance."

Physical pain, anyway. He stepped around the highchair, but before he unbuckled Willa, he leaned over and buried his face in Raylan's hair for a moment, an arm over his shoulder and across his chest, then he lifted his head to press a gentle kiss to Raylan's temple.

[tinstar]

There was almost a sense of relief about him as Malcolm accepted the settling of the subject without an explosion or the same kind of under the surface resentment he so often saw. He didn't want to fuck this up and lose Malcolm because he was being hard-headed. He'd get the papers, once he asked the questions he needed to.

Raylan had already proven something of a malleable man. He'd do whatever Malcolm wanted, within his own reason, to stay here in his life with him. Not the healthiest, and even Raylan understood that, but he was starting to realize that it wasn't something new. He was more fucked up than he thought. Not a great thought for the otherwise stable man.

There was an audible release of breath as Malcolm embraced him from above, one hand almost hesitantly coming up to grip at his arm with a hint of the desperation he felt inside. He knew Malcolm only spoke up the way he did because he cared and wanted to help take care of Raylan. He couldn't blame him for that; he'd been called relentless before too.

Raylan patted his arm after the squeeze and reluctantly let Malcolm pull away before digging into his meal. He thought his appetite might have left, but once the stress of the conversation was off, it came back with a fury.

[abrightboy]

The bathroom sink was a fair size and it seemed the most ergonomically sound place to try and wash a baby, so he filled it with warm water before unzipping her from her onesie and peeling her out of her diaper and setting her in it, one hand keeping her upright while the other manouevred the baby shampoo bottle he'd dug out of the diaper bag that sat just to the left of his foot.

He talked to her softly as he cleaned her hair and stretched out each little arm and leg, explaining to her the sandskrit roots of the word 'shampoo'.

A diaper was easy to find in the bag and easy enough to put on her once she'd been washed and dried. Malcolm was crouched on the floor, one arm around her, bouncing that knee slightly while he dug through the bag with the other hand looking for a clean onesie.

[tinstar]

Raylan listened to the goings on, chest a little tense with worry and equal amounts warmth, clearing his plate quickly and cleaning up their dishes and Willa's highchair while Malcolm washed her. He couldn't help but ruminate on how much he loved the two souls in the bathroom and how lucky he was to get to have them in his life. Malcolm didn't quite reach the level that Willa did, but that was the way it should be, and Raylan hurt over both of them.

He finished before Malcolm did and crept towards the bathroom to lean on the doorframe and watch his partner do something as basic as dress a baby with an overwhelming sense that he'd had since she was born.

"You look good with her," he commented softly as he stepped forward to squat down and help, pulling a onesie out. "What were you talkin' to her about?" He could make out some of the words but not enough for context.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm huffed a breath of quiet delight, biting his lip as he handed the clean and diapered baby to her father, rather than taking the onesie from him.

"We were using the shampoo, so I was telling her where the word 'shampoo' comes from," he admitted. "Did you get enough to eat?" he asked.

HE'S.. GONNA LOVE THE WAY SHE SAYS 'W'

[tinstar]

Raylan groaned theatrically for Willa's benefit as he took her from Malcolm and stood back up, tossing the onesie over his shoulder. "You remember it all?" he asked the baby with a playful not!pinch of her arm's fat roll.

"Cleared out my whole plate and the rest of your beans," he said, attention on the baby who's hand was literally and figuratively wrapped around his finger. "Cleaned up and set up your playpen too so we can get you off to the sandman, little lady."

Not wanting to lay Willa down on the floor, he headed towards the living room so he could settle on the couch and get her little limbs into her onesie.

"Pour me a scotch please? I think with a little quiet and a little dark, I can get her to relax and lay down without complaint."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm went into the kitchen and poured two fingers into each of two tumblers, bringing them around the breakfast bar, setting them on the counter. Then he went to a cupboard under the television and got out the box containing the video baby monitor.

"I'll set this up on the playpen," he told Raylan as he took it out of the box at the counter. "So you can see her from the bedroom, like we talked about."

[tinstar]

Raylan nodded as he shifted, putting Willa on his chest as he slipped down a little into the couch and started patting her back rhymically.

"We'll use this a test. You can sit in the bedroom and tell me how good the sound and video quality is. Maybe ten minutes?" He was looking forward to getting into the bedroom with Malcolm and the scotch and nothing to do but hold him.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded. Once the transmitter was set up at the playpen, he tucked the receiver under his arm and picked up both glasses of scotch, handing one to Raylan as he passed, then taking his own and going into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

He set the monitor up on Raylan's side of the bed, then changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, hanging his clothes neatly in the closet. Between leaving before Raylan got up that morning and then Winona being with him when he came home, it felt like they'd barely touched that day. Maybe that contributed to them crossing their wires at dinner. Touch was a big part of their connection.

Malcolm checked his restraints while he waited and flipped through the pages of a book he was reading on truth-default theory as he perched on the edge of the bed.

[tinstar]

Raylan murmured a soft 'Thank you' and stole a sip as Malcolm slipped away. It was only once the door shut that he realized some of the lights were still on and he'd probably have better luck if they weren't. It took him a minute to figure out how to get up, but he did and returned to his spot once the lights were off.

He didn't know if the monitor would pick up his soft conversation with Willa as he patted her back. He was gonna teach her how to shoot one day. Turn her into a sharpshooter like her father. But no boys. Or he'd find a nunnary somewhere.

At some point, the words stopped and Raylan realized that she must be asleep. Carefully, Raylan shifted up to his feet and laid Willa down, keeping himself bent over to pat her chest softly for a minute more to ensure she was off to dreamland. More carefully than he'd ever moved in his life, Raylan backed away, grabbed his scotch glass and the bottle from the counter before heading into the bedroom.

He sighed as the door shut behind him. "Here's hopin' she'll stay down for the night. How's it workin'?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm set his book down, looking up at him.

"I think she's going to be the first expert sharpshooter nun in America. It's a whole new direction for the church," he teased softly, getting up to meet him. He took the bottle out of his hand and set it on the table in the corner, then slid his arms around Raylan's neck, letting his eyes close as his cheek came to rest against the taller man's jaw so he could just breathe him in for a moment.

It had been a long and busy day.

[tinstar]

He scoffed a chuckle, eyes warm as he watched Malcolm set the bottle down and he stole a sip from his glass before setting it on the the nearest surface. He needed both hands free, sliding them around and across Malcolm's back as he was collected in return. Raylan sighed softly as he rested the weight of his head against Malcolm's and enjoyed the solid reality of them being together for a long moment.

"I'm sorry about today.. It was supposed to be.. smoother. Happier."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm smiled against his face.

"We're in our place. Our place." He lifted his head and looked at Raylan. "I'm happy," he said plainly. "There's always going to be... stuff, but... we're here. I'm happy."

[tinstar]

Raylan hummed a note as Malcolm lifted his head, watching the subtle lifts and valleys of his very expressive face. He could see the happy on Malcolm's face and was glad for it, but he still felt like it could have been happier. Ideal. He wanted to achieve the ideal with Malcolm, as often as he could.

"I hope so." He hoped that didn't change with the rising mount of bullshit they were hurdling towards. "I want you to have a place where you can have that without family bullshit. Next time you're down, it'll be better." He'd figure out how to handle all this, to mitigate contact until everyone was calm and friendly again. It was as good as a promise.

"And we've still got tonight and tomorrow, right?" he asked, lips curling as he bent in to kiss him. He wasn't going to let Winona ruin this. He couldn't.

[abrightboy]

Family bullshit meant there was family. It could be worse. At least Winona didn't walk in without knocking.

He leaned eagerly into the kiss, one hand sliding to grasp the back of Raylan's neck, the other landing on his shoulder.

"At least," he answered, a little breathless as the kiss broke. He glanced around and looked up at Raylan. "Do you really like it? I didn't want it to look like it's my place that you have keys to, like New York. I wanted you to feel at home here. Because it's yours. Is there anything you want that I missed?" Because he'd get it.

[tinstar]

The fact that he could leave Malcolm a little breathless with just a kiss was inspiring to say the least, and left Raylan with a soft cant on his face as Malcolm looked back up at him.

"Ours. And no, you didn't miss anything. Just a lot of you in my space here, that's all I want. I really do like it," he promised. "Do you?"

Because that was just as important - they didn't want to create a place like Malcolm's New York apartment here. Raylan wanted the blend of them. It was good.

[abrightboy]

"I love it," he said. "I love having somewhere to be with you down here..." He pressed a kiss to his mouth. "I love you." He looked around again. "It feels like the start of a real life together."

[tinstar]

Raylan hummed softly, lips following the kiss for a half second as it broke and he smiled at Malcolm's last words. "It is. A good home base for us while we're in Kentucky."

He was still looking forwards to Miami, but this gave them some kind of comfortable respite in the in between times. It was something to keep them afloat and fractionally less desperate for each other. Taking the opportunity, Raylan kissed Malcolm again, a little less chaste than their last few kisses. "I love you too," he said earnestly, as the kiss broke.

No matter what Winona said, there was no way she was shaking Raylan's confidence in this. In the way they both felt about each other. This wasn't a phase or a crisis - Raylan wanted to be with Malcolm the same way he'd wanted to be with Winona in the past. Two old souls on a porch with each other, looking over a garden or something with kids running around.

Winona clearly hadn't really wanted that. He couldn't believe that Malcolm didn't.