No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

Raylan's grin only spread to its peak. What a good sound to have in his car. "I'd already chased one asshole today, I wasn't gonna be chasin' another one. Seems he had a listenin' problem. Besides, I've already got enough paperwork, he wasn't worth the trouble."

[abrightboy]

"Plus not doing the extra paperwork means you might be able to join me earlier tomorrow." He smiled. "Any extra minute with you is valuable."

[tinstar]

"Mm, the earlier the better," Raylan agreed readily, glancing over with a soft smile as he tightened his grip in Malcolm's hand. "I've missed you." He knew they said it earlier but it hadn't helped. He was still missing him, even when he was right next to him.

"Just having you here. I think you're going to like the places, they're nice, least in my opinion. Nothing on the first floor though, that's where break ins happen most often."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm felt the same way, with contact banned when he arrived and now limited. It didn't help his anxiety, the longing.

"I prefer being off the ground," Malcolm assured him. He looked over, his eyes lingering on Raylan's profile. "This will be a dry run for Miami," he pointed out. "What living space will look like when we build it together."

[tinstar]

Oh good, that made his choices even better.

Raylan glanced over at the mention, smile pulling again as he looked back to the road. "Something like it. I wasn't sure it was gonna happen, if I'm honest. These things don't normally get much further than this for me, historically speakin'. I'm hopin' this time'll be different." Like his partner won't fuck the realtor or something; imagine that.

He knew it was a ledge of trust, but Malcolm had been so good to him at almost every turn, and the few where he hadn't, Raylan understood how a lack of sleep and meds, and mania, made it okay. He'd taken worse.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded, then looked over.

"It's never gotten anywhere near this point for me. I've never even been able to see this from where I was standing." He swallowed and looked at their hands instead of Raylan's face. "I've never felt a good feeling that was this big before you. I promise I won't betray you."

[tinstar]

Raylan was sure Malcolm could imagine the damage having things broken at this point could cause, to even a mentally healthy person. "Kinda scary, ain't it." But there was no real humor in his voice. Love was terrible and wonderful and tearing and fulfilling all at once and also never all at the same time.

"You trust me, right? With.. Winona and Willa and everything. You're.. not like her. And I mean more than what's between your legs or where you went to school or how you were raised." That was a list of differences that could go on forever. "I'm not gonna be callin' anything off, anytime soon," he promised with a glance over before internally saying fuck it and slowing them down to pull them off the side of the road. He had to unlace his hand from Malcolm's to throw the car into park, but as soon as he did, he twisted in his seat to better face Malcolm a little more fully.

This was not a conversation he needed to drive for and frankly, he needed to kiss Malcolm, and do the first step in starting to ease that look off his face.

[abrightboy]

It was terrifying. And the best thing he'd ever felt.

He swallowed hard as Raylan pulled the car off the road, holding his gaze for a long moment when he turned to face him.

"I've found you frighteningly easy to trust since we met," he confessed. "And I don't.... trust people. You could destroy me," he said with some degree of trepidation. "I can't defend myself."

There were no walls against his need to let Raylan in.

"But I don't believe you will."

He trusted him.

[tinstar]

"No. I won't." Raylan's eyes searched Malcolm's. "I know that.. this isn't what I normally do. I know it puts some strain on things. When I can't.. be the way I want to be with you. For both of us."

He understood how much uncertainty his inability to do that created. 'Heteronormative' was still bouncing around in the back of his head like a ricocheted bullet.

"You're one of the few people that doesn't treat me like shit. Which is why I can believe you when you say you're not gonna cheat on me. Or go screw an office mate or pick up some society girl from one of the Galas. You don't mind my job, or its dangers, you accept my daughter and all my shit.." His face scrunched up a little as he finished, eyes falling down long enough to gently grab up his hand into his own.

"Malcolm Whitly, I love you. And it's my job to protect you and I will, as best I can. If it's the last thing I do."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's eyes welled a little. He felt like he should be the one making promises. Why did he deserve it? He didn't do anything except try to be what someone like Raylan deserved.

That he'd never received that before was practically criminal, but clearly there were things that Malcolm could also protect Raylan from.

He shifted in his seat, as close to climbing over the console as he could get, and slid his arms around Raylan's neck to lean over and kiss him desperately.

[tinstar]

He deserved it because his brain liked to take fears and run with it, and there was nothing scarier than being in love. Raylan had more experience in this, in getting his heart broken and abused and while that didn't make it easier, it also did. He knew how to get through it. How to pick himself and live again.

There was a commanding need in the way Raylan reached around and gripped Malcolm, his closest hand fisting into his suit shirt and jacket. If they weren't on the side of the road, this would all be heading somewhere much more naked, but since they were, Raylan kissed Malcolm until his lungs burned for air. When it broke, Raylan rested his forehead on Malcolm's and closed his eyes.

"I'm not unaware that I could lose everything over you," he whispered. "You could destroy me too. I'm puttin' my trust in you."

They had mutual keys to each others destruction, but Raylan didn't want this turned into a Cold War of Love, somehow. His point was that they were both vulnerable.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm lifted his head, his hand laid along the side of Raylan's face, and just looked at him tenderly for a long moment.

"I don't want to ever hurt you. I'm afraid of doing it by accident; I'd never do it on purpose... but I showed up like this because... when you showed up at my place when I wasn't expecting you... seeing your face was just... the best thing and..." He took a slightly unsteady breath. "I wanted you to feel that too. But I'm not trying to... to push us out into the open. This-this isn't quite how I saw it all going. I want to protect you, too," he insisted. "I just... wanted to do something for you."

[tinstar]

Raylan was happy enough to keep his face in Malcolm's hand, eyes slow to open to meet those blue pools that continued to undo him. Instead of answering, Raylan leaned forward and kissed him again. It was dangerous to speak, just now.

"Do it again sometime. Then I can come home to you in a place where you're comfortable and you can greet me properly. The way you'll do when we're in Miami." It was more than a statement, it was half an ask of a promise. Raylan wanted to feel that. Everything was always filled with some trepidation because of the way things were in Harlan, and the way people were.

But Malcolm wasn't like that and Raylan could set aside most of the defensive training that his entire life experience had given him.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm huffed a self-conscious laugh and brushed his nose against Raylan's nose, then set a tender kiss on his mouth.

"My next surprise visit will definitely be safer from the sanctuary of our apartment," he promised, then kissed him again to seal it. "I love you so much," he whispered, barely pulling back. "I want to make your life better, not harder. I want to be here for you the way you're here for me."

[tinstar]

He hummed into the second kiss, still leant in with no real intent to go anywhere until he felt like this was settled for now. Imagining coming home to Malcolm wasn't hard, he'd been daydreaming about it since they'd talked about this crazy plan.

He could stand to hear those three words more often. It made his heart hurt in its sweet relief.

"You already do." Raylan stole another kiss while he was there and settled back with a deep breath and an adjustment of his hat. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready to be home."

His soul was tired, his heart was tired, his eyes were tired and he could feel the prick of tears in his sinuses. This was a lot of emotion and as tough as he could be, it was getting to him and crying wasn't on his list of things he planned on doing today.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm swallowed and nodded, about to say something when headlights coming down the road lit the car. He sank all the way back into his own seat, though he was clutching Raylan's near hand with both of his own.

"Yeah, let's go. We need a safe, opaque door."

[tinstar]

Raylan nodded with an uneven breath as he shifted with his off hand through the steering wheel before pulling them back onto the road. They definitely needed a solid door. And he needed a fifth of bourbon.

"Talk to me about something. Anything." That wasn't them or how they were feeling, he couldn't take anymore of that.

For once, he wasn't even slightly bothered as they whittled away the time until Lexington's lights came into view.

"Where are we staying?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm could talk about a lot of things, but he chose to tell Raylan about the necrophilia case he'd started when Raylan was visiting.

"The Hyatt Regency," he answered. He was on an upper floor. It had a decent view. "It's on West High Street," he told him.

The room was a suite, with a tidy livingroom and a plush king bed in the bedroom. Malcolm's bag was still sitting on the floor just outside the bedroom door. As they walked into the livingroom, Malcolm headed to the minibar as he shrugged off his suit jacket and dropped it over the arm of the couch. "What would you like? I think the only whiskey they have is bourbon."

[tinstar]

Raylan knew where it was, but the street name was helpful - it wasn't going to take them long to get there.

Once they did, Raylan whistled low as they walked into the room, hat already in hand and abandoned into the solo recliner provided as he followed Malcolm towards the minibar.

"So long as it leaves a fire down my throat. But I'll tell you from experience that this mini-bar is not going to be enough. A cute starter though. You think they'll deliver a fifth up here if we order it?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looked at the little fridge, then at Raylan as he stood up. ”Sure." It sounded like a good idea to him, in fact. "Bourbon, right? What brand do you like?" he asked curiously, picking up the phone. "And do you want any food?"

[tinstar]

"Jim Beam and any cheeseburger they can find," he replied as he pulled his jacket off, turning to toss it over the back of the couch so that he could tug his tie free and open a few buttons on his shirt.

With a sigh, Raylan slipped behind and wrapped around Malcolm, leaning his face into his hair softly.

"I'd love to see you eat too. Especially if you're gonna have a drink with me. You are gonna have a drink with me, right?"

[abrightboy]

The warmth of Raylan at his back stilled his hands for the moment and he closed his eyes.

"After today, a drink sounds pretty good. I'll see if they have any kind of a soup I can eat. Something hot sounds appealing, too."

He set one hand on Raylan's arm around his middle, dialing with the hand holding the receiver. Once he was assured that a cheeseburger with fries, chicken noodle soup and a fifth of Jim Beam were on their way, he hung up and turned around in Raylan's arms so he could wrap his own arms tightly around Raylan and lean his forehead into Raylan's temple with a hum as tension eased noticeably out of his body.

[tinstar]

He hummed his acknowledgement and approval, lifting his head only so Malcolm could order without having to deal with the weight of it. When Malcolm turned around, Raylan shifted his grip to accomedate and held Malcolm tightly against him as he breathed in the subtle scent of Bright that haunted him, now that he knew what Malcolm smelt like.

They stood there for a good 45 seconds before Raylan took another deep breath and pressed a kiss to Malcolm's forehead. He already felt better.

"Once we get to Miami, I'm gonna be hard pressed to spend a night away from you for a long time," he breathed out, the exhaustion and happiness paired with relief in his voice.

[abrightboy]

"We'll be very stocked up on being apart," Malcolm agreed. He lifted his head and gave Raylan a kiss, soft, slow and tender. The proper, proper 'hello, I missed you' kiss he'd been yearning to give him since he got on the plane to Kentucky.

"Hi," he murmured contentedly as it broke.

[tinstar]

Raylan let himself curl into a question mark around Malcolm as they kissed. He hummed again as the kiss broke and smiled softly. "Hi." His eyebrows lifted with it, a greeting with his whole expression.

"Welcome home." He'd missed this feeling, the warmth that sprouted in him when Malcolm was against him. "I need this more regularly in my life, not gonna lie," he said, smile spreading a little. "Never been into addiction, aside from my drinkin', but you're a dangerous one."