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[abrightboy]

This is Bright. Leave a message.

Comments

Re: private;

[ukan]

That's what I mean by being afraid of them. There's nothing inherently scary about feeling anything. If we didn't have social consequences, no one would be afraid of their feelings.

I think Will can help you. I also think he's an inmate working through his own massive, life-changing, life-or-death-consequences troubles right now and you need to look outside of him for additional help.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

I’m not… using him as my only support and I wouldn’t jeopardize his graduation. You sound like Shaw. I’ve been getting help for most of these problems all my life. I know what I need and where to get it.

Re: private;

[ukan]

Where do you get it here? Because I wouldn't go to Sheehan and Kiryu isn't trained.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

I don’t need a therapist. I’ve had lots of therapy. What helps me is having people I can trust to talk to. To give me perspective. I do go to Kiryu for that. And Raylan. And Neal. And Francis. And I’ve talked to you about things I’ve never talked to anyone about.

Re: private;

[ukan]

I'm glad.

And I'm not saying don't go to Will. I want to make sure you have a wide net, that's all. The more perspectives the better.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Everyone assumes I don’t. That I’m using Will and don’t care what happens to him as long as I get what I want. That I’d suck the life out of him to get off and not even think about it.

Re: private;

[ukan]

I don't. I wouldn't be asking you to help people like Cutter back home if I thought you were like that, Malcolm.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Okay. Thank you. I just wanted to be clear about that. I’m not going to hurt him. And he’s not going to hurt me.

And… also, I hope you understand that the things that are wrong with me aren’t… curable. They’re… part of my fabric. I learn new coping techniques, new mitigation strategies. But they’re still going to be here.

Re: private;

[ukan]

[A short, surprised laugh] Oh yes you are. More than anyone else could possibly hurt either one of you. That's part of love, Malcolm. It fucking hurts.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

I thought so, too, before. But it doesn't have to. Will taught me that.

Re: private;

[ukan]

Mmhmm. You're still in the limerant phase. Come talk to me in fifteen years when you've had your first real fight that wasn't caused by anyone outside the relationship.

Love sees it through. If it can't, it's not real.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Nobody really understands us separately so it's probably natural that nobody understands us together, either.

Re: private;

[ukan]

Yeah that's how it was for Alec and I. We had to literally find a therapist who was telepathic to understand us and even then I don't think she fully did. In any case Alec will never go back to her so we'll never know.

Granted, we have a lot of passion in our relationship. Probably too much. I don't think it's healthy to have what I have with Alec.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Why?

Re: private;

[ukan]

It's so intense. It's everything. It's blood and marrow and soul deep and I would do anything to keep it.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

So? What's wrong with that?

Re: private;

[ukan]

Would you kill for Will? Would you murder a child to protect him, to keep him safe, to be able to take him home in one piece?

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Why would I have to kill a child to do that? That doesn't make any sense. Is this child trying to kill Will? I think, even if they got the upper hand, I could turn the tables in our favour without killing them.

I actually don't kill people at all.

Re: private;

[ukan]

That's my point. You have limits to what you would do for Will. I don't. And it's not necessarily a good thing.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

I don't know that I do; I just don't see us being in that position.

Re: private;

[ukan]

But you can imagine it.

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

Not really.

Re: private;

[ukan]

Really? what's the wildest thing you can imagine?

Re: private;

[abrightboy]

I can imagine loads of sick things but they're not... real.

Re: private;

[ukan]

My point is I became a better person in part because of Alec's influence.

But I'd become the worst version of myself if it meant keeping him happy and safe.

I hope that's not true for you. But it probably is.