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[abrightboy]

 This is Bright. Leave a message.

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[abrightboy]

What does it mean?

[cactusy]

I can't say.

[Samaritan knows the acronym, but they don't know what it stands for. And whether Samaritan is watching or not, that's still hers, and no one else's. No one else alive, anyway.]

[abrightboy]

As in ‘it’s too personal’ or as in ‘if I told you, I’d have to kill you’?

[cactusy]

As in I don't want it to get back to the wrong people, who won't really care, but who might try to use it to drive me insane.

[Which is is aware sounds insane in and of itself; she raises an eyebrow in wry acknowledgement of this.]

[abrightboy]

[It doesn't sound crazy coming from someone who may have been conditioned to assassinate people against her will.]

It's a kind of journaling. Your tattoos.

[cactusy]

B suggested writing things down, but, uh... I told him I couldn't.

[But this is different. She runs a thumb down the line of one of the forward slashes on her wrist.]

This one's a computer thing; it symbolizes the root directory of a filing system. I don't know if you know what that is.

[abrightboy]

[He smiles a little.] But you are.

[He looks at the symbols.] Kind of. So. Is it symbolic of where you come from?

[cactusy]

Computers are, I guess. I basically work for one. But, uh-- a root user is like a superuser, who can access everything other people can't. And a root directory is the top-most directory; everything else on the system is inside of it. Root means... the origin of everything.

[It also means complete power, which she suspects is closer to the real reason that Root had chosen it as a moniker. Shaw can take something different from it, though.]

[abrightboy]

But what does it mean to you?

[cactusy]

It means my files are all jumbled up, without anything holding them together and keeping them organized. No root directory for me.

[She smooths her thumb over the symbol again.]

Just this.

[abrightboy]

There are ways to learn how to order them.

[cactusy]

Yeah. Working on it. That's why I'm here, right?

[abrightboy]

Well. I know it's not for my sparkling personality. [Teasing. But also kind of true.] When you look at that symbol, what does it make you think? [He intentionally doesn't say 'feel', even though she's clearly having feelings about it right now. He thinks framing thoughts will be easier for her than framing emotions that she doesn't have the tools to recognize and describe yet.]

[cactusy]

[She recognizes the choice of wording, and appreciates it, giving him a little nod before saying--]

Safety. Security.

[abrightboy]

Why does acknowledging your rootlessness make you feel safe?

[cactusy]

But this doesn't acknowledge my rootlessness. It...

[She pauses, trying to decide how to phrase it.]

It gives it back to me, a little bit. It's the symbol for a root directory, not the symbol for a deleted root directory.

[abrightboy]

So it's a hopeful symbol.

[cactusy]

I guess so.

["Hopeful" isn't the word she would have grabbed for herself, but now that she thinks about it, it does fit.]

Sure.

[abrightboy]

What about 4AF? What non-secret thoughts do you have when you look at that?

[cactusy]

That one reminds me that I'm not alone, or at the end of my rope. Even if it seems like I am.

[abrightboy]

Have you found people here supportive more than not since you arrived?

[cactusy]

[The question clearly surprises her; she pauses.]

Supportive in what way? Professionally? Not really, for the most part.

[She figures that's probably not what she means, but she can dream.]

[abrightboy]

How about in terms of settling in here, in terms of offering outreach, in terms of offering conversation and advice...?

[cactusy]

Yeah.

[She says, blowing out a breath.]

Most people are pretty good at that.

[abrightboy]

What has your first thought been when people have offered that?