No One's Born Broken

[abrightboy]

For tinstar.



Gil came and went. Dani came and went. Ainsley came and then left with their mother, who refused to even hear him out about telling the truth. He stared through the window at the motionless man in the bed for some indeterminate amount of time, his hand clutching his phone in his pocket.

Finally he let his eyes leave the figure through the window and he took his phone out of his pocket. He stared at that for a long moment, then scrolled through his contacts until one name rolled onto the screen: Raylan Givens.

He looked through the window, then looked at the name. Then he pressed it.

Comments

[tinstar]

"Good," Raylan said with a faint nod of his head. "Your mother eased up on pushin' you, with Eve put in as her lawyer?" He frowned a little. "Why Eve? I get she might be a friend, but.. case like this, why isn't she getting one of the high powered teams that people of means tend to use?"

He probably shouldn't question it but. He had this job for a reason and he couldn't help it.

[abrightboy]

"She said she chose her because she's good at what she does and she trusts her," he replied. "We'll see if the pressure stays off. I told her I was coming to see you for a few days. I'd hope that'd make enough of a point."

[tinstar]

"Something I imagine she's in short supply of in recent years," he said with another faint nod of his head. He couldn't blame Jessica for going with someone she trusted; seemed like something she didn't build or have easily.

"Maybe comin' home with a second address, now in Lexington, will drive it home." Maybe he'd have to marry Malcolm to prove that he meant it, to erase all possibility of Malcolm being 'set up' with anyone else without a blow up argument.

"I've got a couple of neighbourhoods scoped out, and a few listings I haven't gotten to look at yet. The papers are at the bar though."

[abrightboy]

God, if Malcolm knew he was even considering marrying him...

"Do you work tomorrow? I could go look at them; we could compare notes when you're done," he offered.

[tinstar]

"I've got a few hours of paperwork, if nothing else shows up." It wasn't a promise, but it was something. "Art might let me skate on account of how my face looks." He could feel how it looked. "A day off to recoup, the old man that I am."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm shook his head with a wry smile at the 'old man' remark.

"Art wasn't there today. Rachel was in charge." He looked at Raylan. "Is she more or less sympathetic than Art to Beat Up Old Man Face?" He paused and looked over. "What if she thinks you want to leave because I'm here?"

He shouldn't have gone there; he shouldn't have gone.

[tinstar]

"When it comes to paperwork? I haven't tried her yet. Art, I can at least slip by. Rachel's a good Marshal and a decent lady, but she's kinda a hard ass. It's gonna make her a good Chief." He glanced over at the question.

"She won't say nothin' if you don't come into the office with me. But after a bust like that, she's gonna want to see me so we can close it up officially and get it off the desk. That's all she's going to care about Malcolm, I promise."

He could sense the rising guilt and worry in the man beside him and words weren't going to be enough - Damn the long drive. The sooner it was over the better - Raylan just kept reminding himself what lay behind that hotel room door.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded, somewhat mollified at the reassurance, offering Raylan a weak smile and squeezing his hand.

"I'm not sorry I came. I just... should have thought harder about my approach," he said, looking out the window. He looked at Raylan. "It was fun working with you today."

[tinstar]

"I shoulda given you my address at the bar too," he conceded. "There's never any telling when I am and am not in the office." It was okay.

Raylan smiled softly over at him.

"Even though you got a head to the face? Your suit is all dirty and you paid a hundred bucks to get in a door. Which the Marshal's Service will reimburse, if you want."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm grinned. "Best day at work I've had in a while. Worth every cent. Although, I prefer to think I paid a hundred dollars to flush him out."

He had no intention of asking for the money back. He didn't even bill the NYPD half the time. Old-fashioned law enforcement and no shadow of his father hanging over it: he'd needed that.

He glanced down at his suit and gave himself another useless dust-off.

It was also nice to be a help to Raylan in the field again, rather than a hindrance. His massive failure at the bar still stung him.

"Also my face is less beat up than yours," he said, pulling down the sun visor with his free hand so he could get a look at his shiner in the mirror. "Though it will still raise questions, I suppose." He looked at Raylan. "Is 'you should see the other guy' still a valid response to people asking about something like this?" he asked, pointing at his own face.

[tinstar]

Raylan chuckled. "That isn't inaccurate. Good job, by the way."

He glanced over when he could, watching Malcolm preen and prod at his suit and face with a crooked smile. "As far as I know," he replied, breaking into a full grin. "His wasn't the prettiest after getting slammed into that tree."

It had been good to have the help, without any personal touch to the subject or who they were chasing. He knew Malcolm was a Cop, for all intents and purposes, and it was equally just as good to see him working without getting a knife to the throat. What's a headbutt when you've broken your own hand to avoid getting killed?

[abrightboy]

A headbutt wasn't much. It made him see stars for a second, but he'd had backup to stop the suspect from getting away.

"He wouldn't stop when I said stop!" Malcolm laughed. He looked over. "I expect he's feeling the bullet wound more. It was nice of you to only shoot him in the leg."

[tinstar]

Raylan's grin only spread to its peak. What a good sound to have in his car. "I'd already chased one asshole today, I wasn't gonna be chasin' another one. Seems he had a listenin' problem. Besides, I've already got enough paperwork, he wasn't worth the trouble."

[abrightboy]

"Plus not doing the extra paperwork means you might be able to join me earlier tomorrow." He smiled. "Any extra minute with you is valuable."

[tinstar]

"Mm, the earlier the better," Raylan agreed readily, glancing over with a soft smile as he tightened his grip in Malcolm's hand. "I've missed you." He knew they said it earlier but it hadn't helped. He was still missing him, even when he was right next to him.

"Just having you here. I think you're going to like the places, they're nice, least in my opinion. Nothing on the first floor though, that's where break ins happen most often."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm felt the same way, with contact banned when he arrived and now limited. It didn't help his anxiety, the longing.

"I prefer being off the ground," Malcolm assured him. He looked over, his eyes lingering on Raylan's profile. "This will be a dry run for Miami," he pointed out. "What living space will look like when we build it together."

[tinstar]

Oh good, that made his choices even better.

Raylan glanced over at the mention, smile pulling again as he looked back to the road. "Something like it. I wasn't sure it was gonna happen, if I'm honest. These things don't normally get much further than this for me, historically speakin'. I'm hopin' this time'll be different." Like his partner won't fuck the realtor or something; imagine that.

He knew it was a ledge of trust, but Malcolm had been so good to him at almost every turn, and the few where he hadn't, Raylan understood how a lack of sleep and meds, and mania, made it okay. He'd taken worse.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded, then looked over.

"It's never gotten anywhere near this point for me. I've never even been able to see this from where I was standing." He swallowed and looked at their hands instead of Raylan's face. "I've never felt a good feeling that was this big before you. I promise I won't betray you."

[tinstar]

Raylan was sure Malcolm could imagine the damage having things broken at this point could cause, to even a mentally healthy person. "Kinda scary, ain't it." But there was no real humor in his voice. Love was terrible and wonderful and tearing and fulfilling all at once and also never all at the same time.

"You trust me, right? With.. Winona and Willa and everything. You're.. not like her. And I mean more than what's between your legs or where you went to school or how you were raised." That was a list of differences that could go on forever. "I'm not gonna be callin' anything off, anytime soon," he promised with a glance over before internally saying fuck it and slowing them down to pull them off the side of the road. He had to unlace his hand from Malcolm's to throw the car into park, but as soon as he did, he twisted in his seat to better face Malcolm a little more fully.

This was not a conversation he needed to drive for and frankly, he needed to kiss Malcolm, and do the first step in starting to ease that look off his face.

[abrightboy]

It was terrifying. And the best thing he'd ever felt.

He swallowed hard as Raylan pulled the car off the road, holding his gaze for a long moment when he turned to face him.

"I've found you frighteningly easy to trust since we met," he confessed. "And I don't.... trust people. You could destroy me," he said with some degree of trepidation. "I can't defend myself."

There were no walls against his need to let Raylan in.

"But I don't believe you will."

He trusted him.

[tinstar]

"No. I won't." Raylan's eyes searched Malcolm's. "I know that.. this isn't what I normally do. I know it puts some strain on things. When I can't.. be the way I want to be with you. For both of us."

He understood how much uncertainty his inability to do that created. 'Heteronormative' was still bouncing around in the back of his head like a ricocheted bullet.

"You're one of the few people that doesn't treat me like shit. Which is why I can believe you when you say you're not gonna cheat on me. Or go screw an office mate or pick up some society girl from one of the Galas. You don't mind my job, or its dangers, you accept my daughter and all my shit.." His face scrunched up a little as he finished, eyes falling down long enough to gently grab up his hand into his own.

"Malcolm Whitly, I love you. And it's my job to protect you and I will, as best I can. If it's the last thing I do."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's eyes welled a little. He felt like he should be the one making promises. Why did he deserve it? He didn't do anything except try to be what someone like Raylan deserved.

That he'd never received that before was practically criminal, but clearly there were things that Malcolm could also protect Raylan from.

He shifted in his seat, as close to climbing over the console as he could get, and slid his arms around Raylan's neck to lean over and kiss him desperately.

[tinstar]

He deserved it because his brain liked to take fears and run with it, and there was nothing scarier than being in love. Raylan had more experience in this, in getting his heart broken and abused and while that didn't make it easier, it also did. He knew how to get through it. How to pick himself and live again.

There was a commanding need in the way Raylan reached around and gripped Malcolm, his closest hand fisting into his suit shirt and jacket. If they weren't on the side of the road, this would all be heading somewhere much more naked, but since they were, Raylan kissed Malcolm until his lungs burned for air. When it broke, Raylan rested his forehead on Malcolm's and closed his eyes.

"I'm not unaware that I could lose everything over you," he whispered. "You could destroy me too. I'm puttin' my trust in you."

They had mutual keys to each others destruction, but Raylan didn't want this turned into a Cold War of Love, somehow. His point was that they were both vulnerable.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm lifted his head, his hand laid along the side of Raylan's face, and just looked at him tenderly for a long moment.

"I don't want to ever hurt you. I'm afraid of doing it by accident; I'd never do it on purpose... but I showed up like this because... when you showed up at my place when I wasn't expecting you... seeing your face was just... the best thing and..." He took a slightly unsteady breath. "I wanted you to feel that too. But I'm not trying to... to push us out into the open. This-this isn't quite how I saw it all going. I want to protect you, too," he insisted. "I just... wanted to do something for you."

[tinstar]

Raylan was happy enough to keep his face in Malcolm's hand, eyes slow to open to meet those blue pools that continued to undo him. Instead of answering, Raylan leaned forward and kissed him again. It was dangerous to speak, just now.

"Do it again sometime. Then I can come home to you in a place where you're comfortable and you can greet me properly. The way you'll do when we're in Miami." It was more than a statement, it was half an ask of a promise. Raylan wanted to feel that. Everything was always filled with some trepidation because of the way things were in Harlan, and the way people were.

But Malcolm wasn't like that and Raylan could set aside most of the defensive training that his entire life experience had given him.