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[abrightboy]

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[abrightboy]

[Malcolm stares at him for a moment.]

...Not... not since the port. He was. Um. He was talking about taking a break. Off the ship.

[tinstar]

[Raylan nods.]

He's comin' with me. We're.. goin' together..

[abrightboy]

[Malcolm frowns faintly.]

But... he said he was just... taking a break. ...Do.... together? Together together? I thought he and Norton... ............So he's not coming back?

[tinstar]

He might. Says he plans on it, anyways. Norton can come by whenever he wants, wisk Neal off onto an adventure or a jaunt around Paris or-

Norton knows. He approved it well before I even knew anythin' about it.

[abrightboy]

[Very quietly, like he's afraid of the possible answer.]

Are you coming back?

[tinstar]

Maybe. [He's quiet about his answer in return, like if he speaks too loudly or too quickly, he'll break his brother.]

I dunno. I haven't thought that far ahead, honestly. I just.. I need to reground in reality. Otherwise.. I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what happens after I stop bein' able to remember what real life is like.

[abrightboy]

[He looks faintly hopeful.]

So... you need a break. That's understandable. For, like... how long, do you think?

[tinstar]

Couple of months, at least. I don't know that there's a hard number I could give ya. If I had one, I would, I promise.

But my offer for you and Will to visit remains the same. Should.. somethin' change here.

[abrightboy]

We'll be traveling. When we're done here.

[He looks down at the table that they didn't end up using for Christmas dinner, since that ended up in the dining hall. He traces the grain of the wood with his finger.]

Well. You graduated your inmate. So. You're supposed to live your dreams now, right? Like Francis.

[tinstar]

'Live my dreams'? [The echoed sentiment was scoffed, more like a question than not.]

I'm not as lucky as Francis, maybe. I just get to live part of a dream - watching Willa grow up. Bein' there for that as best I can, gettin' whatever time I'll get with Neal while he's there, and workin' until I get put in a pine box in the ground. That's the only thing waitin' for me. I've come to peace with it. Long time ago.

No. I don't get to live my dream. I get to live scraps of my dreams.

[abrightboy]

...What did you use your deal for?

[tinstar]

To ensure that Willa would be safe from any of the assholes of my job that want to get at me through her. To make sure they couldn't use her, or hurt her.

And I know that Winona and I managed that without a deal, so I don't know what's gonna change.. Maybe I end up not having to work as hard to keep her safe because I know she's covered.

[His deal wasn't for him. It was for Willa. All he gets is a little peace of mind, in a world where a hundred different other things could come out of no where and steal his daughter away from him forever and too soon.]

[abrightboy]

If that doesn't count as living your dreams... what would?

[tinstar]

[His jaw works a little as he stares that thousand yard stare through the bottle in his hand.]

I think that if you apply all that brain you got, it ain't hard to figure out that answer.

[He wasn't snippy or rude, more resigned and defeated.]

I'd've quit my job for Winona. Gone back to teachin' at Glynco, given up my field work.. my badge.. I would have adjusted around James if he coulda handled it..

But even the Admiral can't grant me any wish to find someone who wants to stay next to me or with me for the rest of our lives. I just want to be happy.

[abrightboy]

But Neal is going with you. He wouldn’t… treat you like that.

[tinstar]

[Raylan lifts his brows over a long pull from his bottle.]

He's not going with me to be with me forever, Malcolm. He's goin' with me because we care about each other and I think he knows that he'll do better when he's got someone he loves and feels safe with nearby as he tries to build what his life will look like.

It ain't healthy to foster illusions, that's all. Norton's got the right to have a slice of that life without me too.

[abrightboy]

I don’t think I really understand what’s…. going on between you, to be honest. But I’m sure Norton will still be here when you two get back.

[tinstar]

We're seein' each other on the side. He's in a committed and open relationship with Norton. Norton agreed to Neal's desire to hold onto us both. I'm-

[He takes and lets a deep breath, shaking his head a little.]

I don't want this to sound- dramatic or.. or like I'm climbin' up on a cross. But I know my place in it all. And it ain't front runner, if you know what I mean.

[abrightboy]

I'm not really an expert on poly relationships, but I don't think they usually have... rankings. But if that's not what you want... why are you doing it?

[tinstar]

It- [he sighs roughly, gesturing with his free hand, not used to having to have words for these feelings, what do you mean, sheer madness.]

Because I love him and for some reason, he loves me too. Even if we haven't said it, I- [He knew. He was pretty sure Neal knew too.]

I got a right to try and have somethin' like that in my life, right? No, it's not perfect, but nothin' is, and I'd rather have whatever time he's willin' to give me than none of his time at all.

[abrightboy]

It sounds like he wants your time, too.

[tinstar]

Some of it. And that might change once he realizes what my job really means. What it means for folks who are waitin' to see if I come back out the other side alive.

I don't know that he wants that part of my time.

[abrightboy]

He worked for the FBI, Raylan. He liked the work. He didn't like the people trying to keep him in indentured servitude so much, but he liked the work.

[tinstar]

He liked the work, he didn't so much care for the emotional backlash of it. And this time the person he's worryin' about is someone else that he loves. That's the difference. I haven't brought it up to him, I don't know that he sees it yet and frankly, he deserves to have a little shine on somethin' without my dark mind twistin' it into somethin' that ain't a promise yet.

'Don't invite trouble', my Aunt Helen would say.

[abrightboy]

I’m… I’m just saying he might not be as averse to it as some people you’ve… been with. Um. How… how long do you think you’ll stay there?