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abrightboy

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From:

abrightboy

Well... yeah. That's just... asking questions, isn't it?

From:

ukan

It is. But I think it can feel antagonistic. I think it can feel like an attack.

A lot of things we wolves do feels like an attack. We have to find other ways of asking, of going about things.

From:

abrightboy

Maybe it has nothing to do with being wolves.

From:

ukan

What do you mean?

From:

abrightboy

Maybe, in a place like this where everyone is damaged, if any of us cares deeply about anything, there's someone it's going to offend.

From:

ukan

I can learn to be okay with offending a few as long as my people are cared for.

From:

abrightboy

Does that mean only the wolves?

From:

ukan

Mostly yes.

Lately it's been more...complicated. Steve is one of my people. He saw me graduate. I couldn't have done it without him. So he's one of mine.

From:

abrightboy

Steve Rogers was your Warden?

From:

ukan

No, never. Which is good for us. I didn't respond well to wardens at the end of my stay.

From:

abrightboy

Even your own?

From:

ukan

Yeah. I manipulated them all. And then they left.

From:

abrightboy

That's more self-sabotage than advocating on the network.

From:

ukan

Yeah that's...what I'm worried about. The self-sabotage.

From:

abrightboy

How did you manipulate them?

From:

ukan

I told them what they needed to know, but no more.

From:

abrightboy

Do you think that's what made them leave?

From:

ukan

I think it was my unwillingness to be flexible that sent them away.

But some things can't be compromised on. It's...tricky.

From:

abrightboy

Which things?

From:

ukan

Loyalty to my people.

Aren't there things you don't compromise on?

From:

abrightboy

Having principles isn't self-sabotage. I haven't heard anything that sounds like self-sabotage yet.

From:

ukan

I think sometimes I get bored and pick fights. Make the task harder for myself than it needs to be.

From:

abrightboy

That might be a little bit. [But he says it with a laugh.] Lark… self-sabotage is… complicated. And it’s borne from a deep seated fear of success or feeling that you don’t deserve success. So… maybe you need better coping skills or anger management techniques, but that only makes you most people, not self-sabotaging.

Out of curiosity, why does Arthur think I’m self-sabotaging? What… is he pointing to as an indicator?

From:

ukan

Similar things I've just noted: we both have a habit of getting into arguments, with other wardens and inmates both. And it sometimes gets in the way of us getting what we're really after. So I wanted to explore that, know more about it, since everything he said about you could apply to me either now or in a pretty recent past.

Edited Date: 13 Dec 2023 01:20 (UTC)

From:

abrightboy

We can get into it, but I think it’s important to start by pointing out that… not agreeing with his idea of decorum or his ideas in general… doesn’t make us self-sabotaging. Sometimes people here - especially Wardens - just… aren’t right. And if being principled stands in the way of us getting what we’re after from them, then… I guess we’re not con artists. And I will be the first to admit that I do have problems with emotional dysregulation, but when I snap at someone who doesn’t actually deserve it, I apologize to them. Like I apologized to Archer. We had a good talk after that. I… actually thought we were good.